Never Sweeter (Dark Obsession #1)(12)

Only there was nothing, nothing, nothing.

And it made no difference at all.

“Okay, I buy that. I do. Yet the fact still remains: I cannot do a project with you. Ever. You have to know that doing anything like that is completely impossible for me. Right?”

“I was just thinking that maybe…maybe you could give it a chance. You know, now that we’re on speaking terms and everything is almost cool between us.”

“You think everything is cool between us?”

“Well, maybe not cool exactly. More like…okay.”

“Still need to dial it back a notch, chief.”

“Reasonable? Not bad? Kind of semidecent?”

“That last one is getting close.”

He sighed, shoulders sagging.

Relenting, she thought. He’s actually relenting.

“Fine, we are a f*cking disaster.”

“Now you’re getting the idea,” she said.

“But I figure we can work on it.”

“By doing a project on sex in the cinema together?”

“Well,” he said. “When you put it like that it sounds dumb.”

“There’s no other way to put it! That is literally what you’re suggesting.”

“Yeah, I get that. I just…want to not get that. I want it to be easier or better or just not the way this is.”

“That could have been my daily prayer in high school, Tate.”

He didn’t react the way she expected to, with more weird arguing.

He just closed his eyes.

He closed them like someone had just told him his family had been in a fatal accident.

“I wish I could go back and start over again. More than wish—I would give everything I have to start over again. The wrestling, this scholarship, every party I ever went to and every fun thing I ever did. And you can choose to not believe me about that, but—”

“I believe you.”

“You do?”

“I’m as surprised as you are, but yeah.”

“Then why does this have to be such a big deal?”

She thought of Lydia saying attempted murder.

The terror that used to flood her when he walked down the hall.

That ever-present sensation of a grille barreling into her body.

“Because understanding that someone is truly sorry and wanting to spend huge amounts of time with them are two different things. I might see that you mean this, and know rationally that I can almost sort of trust you. Maybe I even want it to be that easy, too. But your face is the one I had nightmares about for two years. Your smile doesn’t seem happy to me. I associate it with cruelty.” She shook her head. Glanced away from him so she didn’t have to see the defeated look on his face. “It’s hard for me to look at you, Tate, no matter how much I appreciate what you’ve done here.”

“That was a really well-thought-out and logically sound speech.”

“I know it was. I’m pretty proud.”

“And I have no argument against it.”

“You don’t need one. What you’ve done here…” She gritted her teeth hard and looked at the ceiling. But this time it didn’t stop the tears. They were already welling up by the time she explained the rest to him. “It means a lot. And a million men would never have done the same, I can promise you. I don’t have any messages from Jason on my phone. Patrick Whitworth isn’t going to call anytime soon. It’s just you, a rare fantasy in the middle of all this dismal reality.”

He turned around when she was done. All the way around—and then his arms went up to cover his head and she understood. What she said had affected him, strongly. Maybe more than his words had affected her. It took him twice as long to get it together, and even after he had he couldn’t quite look at her. He just kept staring at the wall and clenching his jaw.

And saying things. Oh yeah, he said things, in a strained, shaky voice.

“I meant what I said, you know. That you are the very best.”

“I know. That’s why I’m going to ask you not to say it again.”

“I can’t stop. I have the opposite of whatever idiocy infected me in high school.”

“What, like insane-need-to-compliment fever?”

“Pretty much, yeah,” he said.

“Well it has taken a raging hold of you, let me tell you.”

“I know it seriously cannot be stopped.”

“I think you have a terminal case.”

“Not a bad way to go, if you ask me,” he said, so soft and sincere it took all her strength to stop herself smiling in response. She could feel her lips trembling. Her cheeks ached with the effort of pinning them down, yet still she knew she was failing. She could see it in his satisfied expression.

And hear it in his words.

“That’s better. Seeing you look happy.”

“I am happy,” she said, then added without thinking: “Are you?”

Of course she didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a polite habit, based on interactions with people other than Tate. People who had actual problems, who lived troubled lives, who might answer with a god no. Tate would never need to answer with a god no. His life was full of endless possibilities and unfettered glory. He could snap his fingers and have a thousand people follow him to the ends of the earth.