Need You for Mine (Heroes of St. Helena)(82)

“That’s just it. You aren’t acting like you,” Dax pointed out.

“How the hell would you know? You’ve been back in town, what, six months?”

“He’s getting all pissy,” Dax said to Jonah and Nate.

“I know. It’s the first sign,” Jonah said, as if Adam weren’t standing right f*cking there.

Adam wanted to ask him what sign had them smiling as if the entire world was in on some big joke, except Adam. Only, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know, so he took the sponge and went to work on Blanket’s legs.

Dax laughed and clapped Jonah on the back. “He’s pretending he doesn’t have a woman problem, second sign.”

“I have never had a problem with women,” Adam scoffed.

“Yeah, neither did I,” Jonah said, flashing his gold band around like it was a Super Bowl ring. “Now I’m wearing one of these.”

Dax did the same. Nate didn’t flash his wedding ring, though. He circled his wife’s belly instead and the glow on Frankie’s face said it all.

“Are you guys pregnant?” Adam asked.

The happy couple looked at each other, and no confirmation was needed. It was in the way Nate held her close, tenderly rubbing their child. It was also in the way Frankie looked up at Nate, with total and complete faith. In her husband and in their love.

“Blanket thinks it’s twins,” Frankie said, then burst into tears, and all three brothers gave her a wide berth. Frankie didn’t do tears, just like she didn’t do witnesses to her tears. But to Adam’s surprise, she didn’t reach for her bat. She smiled.

Big and watery and proud.

Like she was happy to be crying. Or maybe she was crying because she was happy. Hell, it could just be the hormones. Either way, it took the male members of the family a few seconds too long to react.

“And I expect hugs,” she sniffed. “Not that bro-pack high five crap you usually do.”

That’s when it settled that there was going to be a new baby in the family. A round of hugs and congratulations went around, as Adam took in the moment.

And that’s when he saw it. After years of disappointments, misconnections, and struggling to find common ground, they were finally a family with spouses and kids and enough pets to fill Noah’s ark. And while Adam pulled back from the group hug, something empty and raw settled in his chest.

Every single one of his siblings had done it. Somehow, despite being raised by a guy who ruled his home with impossible expectations and tough love, they’d managed to find their peace. A happiness so real it was visible and humbling.

Adam was pretty sure he’d found his too. With Harper. Only he’d looked right into the eyes of forever and went for the quick high, proving he was more like his old man than he’d ever like to admit.

Worse, his shortsightedness and insecurities had hurt Harper. Badly. She had finally allowed herself to be seen, to open herself up to the idea of more, and he’d passed her over at the first sign of something flashy.

And Adam knew exactly how that felt.

“What if long-term isn’t for me?” he heard himself say, and everyone went quiet. But all he could think about was Harper being his, and what that meant. Because if this was what disappointment felt like after a few weeks, he couldn’t imagine what it would feel like in a few years when he made a mistake, after the I dos and kids and making a home. And he would make a mistake. It seemed to be in his blood. “This thing with Harper was different than you and Shay.”

Jonah grabbed an extra glass of lemonade and walked it over to Adam. With an arm on his shoulder, he said, “Remember when you told me that if you ever had a woman look at you the way Shay looks at me, then you’d do anything to keep her?” Adam nodded and Jonah looked him in the eyes. “This is your girl, bro.”

Mine.

He rubbed his hand over his chest, trying to ease the raw ache that was growing. It didn’t help. Nothing he did seemed to help. It just got worse.

Deeper.

“She gave me everything I could have ever wanted and I freaked . . . Jesus.” He thought about how Harper must feel, putting herself out there only to be smacked back down. By the one guy who had told her to stop hiding. “I don’t want to be another guy who lets her down.”

“Then don’t,” Dax said. “Be the guy who makes her world. That’s what love is.”

“I don’t know if I could give that kind of love,” Adam admitted.

“Yeah you do. You already have. Only love could make you pose in your skivvies,” Jonah said quietly, and Adam felt a small flutter warm his chest at the thought of loving Harper.

Which was ridiculous.

He told himself the other night to let her go. That it was better this way, to walk before they became too invested, even though he knew he was already committed.

Harper said he’d made her believe, but she’d done the same for him. He believed in his skills, his character, and his ability to be the kind of man he could be proud of. The kind who found happiness and held tight.

“Fuck.” He leaned against Mittens, or maybe he swayed. He wasn’t sure, but suddenly the weight of what he’d had and then lost was too staggering to remain upright.

“That’s the last sign, bro. The realization that knocks you off your feet.” Jonah clapped him on the back. “Now you need to figure out how to win her back.”