Naked Love(6)

He kisses the side of my head as I release him and let him make the final steps to the door on his own. I pray that he’s everything she imagined and more and that she falls short of his expectations. Then he can walk away without feeling dejected—she’ll be the dejected one. Insensitive of me? Probably, but he’s my dad.

“Tommy!”

Oh precious lord of church chatrooms … Deedy is … well, she’s hot. And young. Wait, maybe that’s not Deedy, maybe it’s her daughter—oh, shit. They’re kissing. Clearly not the daughter.

“Well, praise Jesus we finally made it. You must be Deedy.” I walk up the porch steps.

Dear, God, make them stop!

My dad pulls away, breathless, with red lipstick smeared all over his face. “Sorry. Deedy, I’d like you to meet my youngest daughter, Avery.”

“Avery, I’ve heard so much about you. I feel like I know you.” She holds out her hand, and I shake it.

“Huh, I’d heard nothing about you until yesterday.”

Her jovial expression dies a little.

I revive it with a big, fake smile. “But it’s nice to meet you. Clearly, my dad thinks highly of you. I’m sure I will too.”

I won’t. It seems unlikely that she has the big dick I predicted, but I think I’d prefer it to perky breasts and an ass that could be on the cover of a glorious glutes exercise video.

“This is just like I pictured it,” Dad says, dissolving some of the tension as he glances around the outside of the house.

“Come in. Mi casa es su casa.” She hugs his arm and nuzzles his neck like I did just a few moments ago—minus the neck nuzzling.

“Can Swarley come inside?” I ask.

“Of course. I love animals. All life really. Especially this one right here.” She bops her finger on my dad’s nose then kisses it.

He grins and tips his chin to capture her mouth. It’s a quick peck, followed by another, and that leads to a deeper kiss.

“Mmm …” Dad moans.

I cover my mouth to keep my mini vomit from coming out. Sydney’s in Disney World, where dreams come true, and I’m stuck in a nightmare, where my father’s engaged to a woman young enough to be his daughter, and they’re getting ready to make a porno right here in the entryway.

Clearing my throat, I take a step back toward the door. “Swarley and I are both a little restless after the long car ride. I’m going to take him for a walk before dinner. Then you two can …” Have strange we-met-on-the-internet sex beneath God’s damning eyes, which is better than in front of me.

Deedy rubs the lipstick from my dad’s mouth with her thumb while my dad adjusts himself. Wow. As if Anthony licking chocolate mousse off Kim’s naked body wasn’t enough punishment for some unknown crime I’ve committed, I now get the pleasure of watching my dad deal with a boner.

“Take the main road two blocks north, and you’ll find a strip of shops and waterfront restaurants. I’ll get dinner started after I show your dad around his new house. Our house.”

Aaannnd … I’m out of here. Even if Swarley tries to rip my good hand off my arm, I’d prefer that pain to this nauseating nightmare.

We follow Deedy’s suggestion and walk two blocks north to the quaint shopping area hugging the water’s edge. Swarley tugs on my arm as his tongue drags along the ground, straight toward a water dish among tables in front of a familiar cafe.

Sage Leaf Cafe

We have one in L.A., but I don’t go there often. It’s a vegan restaurant, and I’m a lean-meat-low-carb kind of girl, but sometimes walking down the street with a green juice in hand will attract the eyes of sexy guys who spend their entire day perfecting their bodies. I never cheated on Anthony, but who doesn’t like to get the look?

Swarley laps up the rest of the water in the dish.

“Beautiful dog … and thirsty.” A young woman in shorts and a Sage Leaf Cafe tee smiles at us as she wipes down the outdoor tables.

“Thanks. He’s not mine.”

She collapses the sunshades on the tables, her dark, curly hair escaping the messy bun that looks like it’s had a long day. “You steal him?”

“Hardly. He’s my sister’s dog.” I release the leash and let him scrounge for scraps underneath the tables.

“Motorists on this street can be a little crazy.” She eyes Swarley on the loose with his leash dragging behind him.

“He won’t run into the street.” Unfortunately. I check my phone for messages. There’s a dozen from Sydney. She’s pissed off I won’t call her back. She knows something catastrophic has happened for me to have packed up her dog for a road trip.

I text her back the standard message.

I’m good. He’s good. Have a good time.

“Half off The Kermit if you’re interested.”

I slip my phone back into my rose Hermes mini bag. “The Kermit?”

“Dandelion greens, romaine, apple, lemon, ginger, turmeric.”

“Green juice?”

She nods.

I shake my head. “I don’t see any hot guys. No need to accessorize right now.”

“Well, there’s one inside making half-priced Kermits.”

“I’m not in the market for any guy. I’ve had my hand and heart destroyed in the past five days by the male species.”