Motion(Laws of Physics #1)(61)

And then the pain dissipated, became an expanding warmth, a hum of kinetic energy—even though I was sitting perfectly still—radiating outward to my fingertips and toes, clouding my brain, and wrapping my whole person in a lovely, tight, cozy cloud.

Holy shit.

What the hell was that?

A microcosm of the big bang but in my body!

Disoriented and mesmerized, I couldn’t take my eyes from his face where the effects of his laughter still lingered, giving his features an attractiveness that was four-dimensional. More than physical, it was an allure that permeated both space and time.

“What?” Abram’s laughter had tapered while I’d been having a mini freak-out. “No more phrases left?”

I pretended like I needed to scratch the back of my neck as I quickly sifted through the possible anytime-phrases remaining:

Just like in my dream.

But at what cost?

And thus, I die.

They all felt a little too . . . accurate.

So I shrugged, glancing at him quickly and offering a tight smile, murmuring, “And then the wolves came.”





14





Normal, Tension, and Other Examples of Forces





Recovering from the mini big bang took some serious concentration. Luckily, Abram’s mood had turned contemplative on the drive home and neither of us spoke.

Although, halfway through the drive, while we were stuck at a stoplight, he turned to me and said, “Thank you for coming with me. I had a great time.”

I was trapped in the sincerity of his stare, caught in the velvety cadence of his voice, only able to nod dumbly and mutter stupidly, “Great time. I had . . . also.”

He grinned, his features softened by the glow of nearby streetlamps and the red light of the traffic signal, his four-dimensional attractiveness growing to ten dimensions, where the tenth were those pesky infinite possibilities and I was suffocating in the tenderness of his big, gorgeous, ten-dimensional brown eyes.

Oh my heart.

But then the light changed and he gave the road his attention, leaving me to my entropy. Thank goodness we still had several blocks before the house. I required both the dark and the quiet to order my thoughts.

Closing my eyes, I frantically tried imagining the vastness of space. Like earlier in the day, I worked to put facts first and events into perspective. I reminded myself that I didn’t belong here, that this was Lisa’s reality and not mine. That Helped.

I reminded myself of Gabby’s advice, that he wasn’t the type of person I wanted to have feelings for. That also helped even if I didn’t 100 percent believe it.

The crack had widened, the mutinous bargaining voice had grown more persistent, leaving me with an undercurrent of agitation instead of peace, and wishing instead of acceptance.

As soon as Abram pulled into the street parking outside our house, I was out of the car, walking to the gate and punching in the code. By the time he’d sauntered to where I stood holding the gate open, I had a plan. Once we made it inside, I was going upstairs and going to bed. I hadn’t been sleeping well, and lack of sleep could lead to poor decisions.

Abram said nothing as we walked up the stairs to the front door, and I kept my eyes firmly fixed forward, my jaw clenched, my hands fisted at my sides. No matter what, you will go upstairs and go to bed. By yourself.

He withdrew the keys and unlocked the door; I felt his eyes move over me just before opening the door. “You want to watch a movie?”

I waited until we were inside and I’d slipped my shoes off before answering. “Um, no thanks.” Without turning, I added, “I think I might go to sleep.”

I sensed that this answer seemed to take him aback, as though it had been exactly the opposite of what he’d been expecting. I took advantage of his momentary confusion and turned for the kitchen, my brain telling me to go, go, go!

Even so, my movements were sluggish. The logical path was forward, I knew that. Nothing could ever happen between us, I knew that too. Watching a movie with Abram would undoubtedly lead to not watching the movie while still being with Abram.

But to what end? The way he’d been teasing me all day, the easy banter, how I caught him looking at me in the bookstore and over dinner, how I’d undeniably been looking at him in the same way. I wasn’t stupid. All the variables plugged into an equation that equaled mutual attraction.

This wasn’t a crush, this was requited desire and reciprocated like. Kissing, unscripted touching, gazing, whispers. . . I was near dizzy at the thought. But in this specific case, that also totaled certain disaster.

He’s not a person you want to have feelings for.

And yet, I wanted.

Something is wrong with me.

“You’re tired?” he asked, following me into the kitchen and to the back stairs.

Offering just my profile, I shrugged noncommittally, because I wasn’t tired enough to sleep and I didn’t want to lie to him anymore, not even a white lie. Placing my hand on the banister, a twisting in my stomach made me pause just for a moment as I prepared to launch myself up the first flight.

But before I could climb the first step, he covered my hand, stopping me. A warm, electric current traveled up my arm, weaving itself into my bloodstream and brain. I glanced at his hand on top of mine, and the mutinous whispers returned. Another something terrible had happened: I officially liked it when Abram touched me.