More Than I Could (76)

“This sucks,” I say, setting my hard hat on the seat beside me.

I stare at the horizon and watch the day's first sun rays begin to tease their way into the sky. Something is calming about the sun rising. Dad always said that the sun coming up was a sign that you get a new start. All of yesterday’s mistakes were erased in the night. I liked that idea growing up, and I’ve kept it with me my whole life.

Despite my exhaustion and anxiety about getting home, peace is floating through my veins. I’m usually a barrel of nerves when I’m away. Even if it’s Mom with Kennedy, I still feel like something is amiss if I’m not there. I keep waiting for that to come back—to encounter the rock in my stomach and the acid pit at the base of my throat. I’m so familiar with them both.

But they fail to appear.

I could get used to this.

My eyes close, and I sigh easily, thinking of Megan.

I wonder what she’s doing and if she’s enjoying her morning. I laugh as I imagine her stomping around the kitchen, pretending to be good with being up before the sun. She’s so damn cute when she moseys into the kitchen like she’s not there to see me—as if she needs coffee that early. Sometimes I want to laugh at or tease her, but I don’t. I don’t want to chance having her stop coming.

I grab my phone and find Kennedy’s name. I recheck the time, ensuring she’s still home before school, and then press the green button.

“Hey, Dad,” she says.

“You sound chipper.”

“Well, I’m not. I can’t find my black Jordans, and I know I put them in the mudroom, and they’re not there.”

“Huh. Did you ask Megan?”

“Yeah. And you know what she said?”

I grin. “No, I do not.”

“She said she didn’t wear them.”

I can’t help it. I laugh.

“That’s something you would say. You didn’t tell her to say that, did you?” she asks.

“Although I don’t wear them either, did you check in the dining room?”

“Why would they be there?”

I scratch the top of my head. “Because I think I remember you tossing them around the corner the other day so I wouldn’t see them when I told you to take them to your room.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah—oh.”

“Anyway,” she says above the sound of her feet trotting down steps, “are you working?”

I watch Jason talk to Robbie. He’s pissing him off on purpose. Why does he do that?

I sigh. “Yeah. But good news—I’ll be home tonight.”

“That’s good.”

“If I can get these guys to stop bickering with each other, we should be out of here late this afternoon.”

“I’m sure Megan will be happy to hear that.”

My breath stills. “Why? You haven’t been giving her a hard time, have you?”

Kennedy laughs. “Uh, no. She made me a peanut butter board last night. Ever had one of those?”

“Nope.”

“It’s delicious. She drizzled caramel on it and cut up apples and bananas—and had little cookie things. So yum.”

“That does sound good.”

“Maybe she’ll make it for you one day.”

There’s a hint of something in her voice—a tease, maybe, or a taunt—that I can’t put my finger on. But before I can figure it out, she changes the subject.

“All right, we need to talk about my birthday soon,” she says.

“You have a month before your birthday, Ken.”

“Yeah, but Neve and I want to do a spa day at the new spa in Bricksville, and I heard they’re booking out for about a month. So I need to get you on board so we can get on the books.”

I chuckle. “You and Neve need to slow your roll.”

“So I can go ahead and have Megan set up the appointment for me?”

“No. Why would you ask Megan to set up your birthday party?”

“I don’t know. It just seemed like the easiest way to get it done.”

Shaking my head, I sigh. “We’ll talk about it when I get home.”

“Cool.”

“I hope you have a great day today. Be good.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m always good.”

I hope that’s true.

“Megan is yelling at me to hurry,” she says. “So I gotta go. See you tonight, Dad.”

“I love you, Kennedy.”

“Love you, Daddy. Bye.”

“Bye.”

She ends the call like I’m an afterthought.

I hold my phone, staring at the screen. She’s all right. Kennedy is perfectly happy there with Megan. Everything is going to be all right.



Me: You up?





Kate: Can you calculate time zones?





Me: Sorry.





Kate: I’m up now. What do you want?





Me: Thank you.





Kate: You’re welcome. But what for?





I try to articulate what I want to tell her. Thank her for … being rational. Talking the truth to me. Getting our parents to her house so I could get Megan to mine.