Monster Prick (Screwed, #1.5)(8)
“After we talked for a while, he offered to help me out. He said my first time shouldn’t be with a random guy, and that we could, um … you know.” My cheeks flush with heat and I look down at the table. How will I have the courage to actually seduce a man if I can’t even say the words? Maybe it is better if Hudson and I just get it over with. I’d die of mortification if I tried to seduce one of my online dates and he turned me down.
Melanie is shaking her head, her plucked eyebrows drawn together. “A guy doesn’t just offer to help you out by taking your virginity. That’s weird. Really freaking weird.” She scratches her chin. “Unless he actually likes you, too. And even then...”
I shake my head firmly. “No, he doesn’t, Mel. You and I both know that.”
She nods, agreeing. Hudson had his chance with me. He’s never acted on it. Never even given me a hint he was interested. It’s time to stop believing in foolish possibilities.
“Well, I’m against it,” Melanie says finally. “The whole thing is just begging to go wrong. Like...what would your brother say?”
Hot shame burns through me. Hayden could never find out. Not only would he be super mad at me, but his relationship with Hudson would become very difficult. And they aren’t just best friends—they’re business partners, managing almost twenty million dollars’ worth of real estate together. I would not want to be the reason for breaking any of that up. All I can say is, “Uh …”
Melanie interrupts my floundering. “Exactly. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Your feelings for Hudson have always run deeper than they should have. After sex—and you have to trust me on this one—women can feel more connected by the experience than men. Aren't you worried about falling even harder for him?”
For some reason, her sympathetic expression annoys the crap out of me. “It’d just be sex, Mel. I know that.” But her comment has already seeped down inside me, exposing a worry that I didn't want to consider. I can't shake it off now. “Besides, I told him I had to think it over. I still haven’t decided.”
She nods. “If you do it, my advice is to be careful. Don’t involve your heart. Remember it’s just physical.”
I nod back, like I have this all under control. But the truth is, now I’m even more confused and unsure about what to do.
“Come on, let’s go get one more drink. There’s a new club that just opened a few blocks over.”
I open my mouth to refuse. These shoes aren’t great for walking in, and Mel never stops at one drink. But I realize it’s the practical, level-headed Gracie that’s gotten me into this mess in the first place. I need to be a little more reckless. And there's no time like the present. “Sure. Sounds great.” I plaster on a smile.
After a short walk to the club, Melanie tugs the front of her shirt down, showing off generous amounts of cleavage, and we’re awarded with immediate entry. No waiting in line for us.
One drink turns into two and then three. I’m sweaty from dancing, but I’m having fun. I’m glad I loosened up and went with the flow for once. But the flow hasn't given me any answers. I’m still totally and utterly confused about what to do with Hudson’s offer. If I say no, will things get weird between us? Will we still be friends? And if I say yes … I shudder with excitement and fear. I can’t imagine the possibility of saying yes. I know it will change things between us, but my mind won’t even let me explore that. Maybe it’s because I know, deep down, that I’ll chicken out and say no.
A group of guys buy us our next drink, and I hate that I'm immediately comparing them to Hudson. They don’t hold a candle to his tall, muscular frame, his cocky smile, or his intelligent wit. I can't think of anything I want to say to them...and the short one is way too grabby for my tastes.
“I have to pee!” I call out to Mel, who’s grinding with some tattooed guy on the dance floor. She gives me a wave and a nod, quietly dismissing me. She’ll be getting lucky tonight. That makes one of us, I think, as I make my way through the crowd and toward the back hallway where the restrooms are located. Of course there’s a line.
I stop beside the cinder block wall, my feet aching. There are about a dozen girls ahead of me. It’s going to be awhile. As I wait, my mind wanders to Hudson. His strong, fit physique, his spicy scent … the way my heart pounded when he offered to help me.
Stop it, Gracie. I can't let my brain keep spinning on and on about Hudson. I’m out tonight to have fun.
As I try to clear my head, I count the girls still in line … ugh. Seven more to go. Wanting to focus on anything other than my aching feet, I let my mind wander to my brother and his new girlfriend, Emery. I’m so happy that he’s found someone. Emery and I are close in age, and I can’t help but compare myself to her. Of course she’s gorgeous, headstrong, and fun, but she also landed a great job immediately upon graduating. It took me six long months of applying, interviewing, and getting rejected before Peterson offered me a position. Emery's no slouch in the boyfriend department either. Even though she claimed she wasn’t looking, it took her, what, all of six weeks living in LA to land a boyfriend who’s crazy about her. And it’s saying something that the man is Hayden. Other than his college girlfriend, which is ancient history, I’ve never seen him in a committed relationship.