Monster Prick (Screwed, #1.5)(21)

“You’re not fine.” He takes my hand and leads me back to his bed, which looks like a bomb went off in it. The blankets are scattered everywhere and the sheets are tangled. The pillows got kicked to the floor over an hour ago. We sit down on the end of the bed and I stare down at the floor between my feet. “Please tell me what you’re thinking,” he presses gently. “Do you regret this?”

I want to tell him no, but the truth is, part of me does. If I knew how absolutely miserable I’d feel after it ended, I don’t know if I would have agreed to this. When I registered on those dating sites, it wasn’t just to lose my virginity; it was to find someone I could date, maybe even see a future with. But Hudson isn’t that person. I should have kept that in mind from the beginning. “I’m not sure,” I start. “I mean, for you to be my first … it’s what I’d always wanted. But now that it’s over, it just kind of … sucks.”

He doesn’t say anything, but when I glance over at him, his jaw is set firm and I can see his pulse pumping in his neck. I have no idea what he’s thinking. Crap, I said way too much. I just admitted I've always wanted to f*ck him. Great...now he's going to think I'm obsessed with him. Not that that's far from the truth.

I open my mouth to tell him never mind, I’m just going to go home. But instead I start rambling like I always do when I’m nervous. “When you suggested these three lessons, I was so happy, but now I’m feeling sad that it’s over, and I’m sorry because I know you don’t do relationships.”

He exhales slowly, audibly, in the otherwise silent room.

I’m sure he’s about to shoot me down, tell me all the reasons why we can’t be together. My brother would never allow it, or I’m too young for him, or he might just agree with me that he’s not looking for a relationship.

But instead of doing any of that, he rises to his feet and begins pacing across his bedroom.

Then he stops abruptly and looks down, seeming to realize that he’s still naked.

He grabs his boxer briefs and puts them on. “This is too important of a conversation to have naked.” He smirks at me.

“S-should I get dressed?” I ask.

Shaking his head, he steps close. “No, you’re perfect the way you are.”

He stands directly in front of me and lifts my chin, holding my cheek in his large palm while his thumb skims along my skin. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the sting of his words. I’m sure he'll try to let me down easy, but it still feels …

“You’re right. I don’t do relationships. I’ve never found the appeal. But these past few nights with you have been incredible. So even though I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to relationships...I’ve always wanted you too. And now that we’ve started this, the last thing I want to do is stop.”

I blink my eyes, sure I just imagined what I heard. “What are you saying?” A few hopeful butterflies are already waking up in my stomach.

“I'm saying, let’s do this. We owe it to ourselves to at least try and see where this goes. We have a great time together. In bed and out of it. And I’m sure as f*ck not ready to let you walk away and date one of these dickheads from that website.”

I giggle, delirious happiness bubbling up inside me. Until my thoughts drift to my brother. “What about Hayden?” I frown, chewing on my lip.

“You let me deal with that.”

Somehow the knot of worry in my stomach eases. I have no idea what will happen next, but I trust Hudson. I always have. And if he says he can take care of it—take care of me—then I believe him.

I fall into his arms and we share sweet, tender kisses and even sweeter words. My thoughts still darken whenever I think about what my brother’s reaction to all of this will be. But Hudson is here for me. Whatever the future holds, he's on my side.

“You want to try Sebastian’s again?” Hudson asks, placing a kiss on my forehead.

I chuckle. “I’m not ten anymore … we don’t have to go for ice cream.”

“I know. But our last date got cut short. And I want to take you out...in public. With me. Hold your hand and feed you bites of dessert.”

“What if we see Hayden again? Are you going to disappear on me?” There’s a worried note to my voice, no matter how cool I’m trying to play this new relationship thing we’re navigating.

He sits up, pulling me up with him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

If Hayden saw us out together, reeking of sex, he’d punch Hudson in the face. Not that Hudson couldn’t defend himself, but still, it’s not a scenario I care to dwell on. But I see in his expression that Hudson’s set on this idea. Maybe he just wants a do-over, to paint some good memories over the awkward one from a few days ago.

“Can I borrow a T-shirt?” I ask.

“Of course you can.”

Thirty minutes later, we’re once again standing in line for ice cream cones. But the atmosphere couldn't be more different than last time. Hudson holds my hand the entire time we’re in line, and when he leans down to place soft kisses against the back of my neck, murmuring that he loves seeing me in his T-shirt, I almost melt into a puddle. Our date is happy instead of bittersweet, openly affectionate instead of secretive. The future is all spread out for us to choose from, like the ice cream flavors in their big inviting tubs, every option bright and sweet. Everything this transition means—leaving the bedroom and acting like a couple in public—is nothing short of a dream come true.