Miss Winthorpe's Elopement (Belston & Friends #1)(63)

But it was very unlike them to be here in the summer. Clare much preferred Bath. He had not been prepared for the letter, and he had no response at hand. Perhaps the situation was not as bad as it seemed. He could assess, and return to Penny by lunch, with an explanation.

Tim’s house seemed as it always did, preternaturally quiet. There was nothing to indicate that the family was in residence, although what he expected to find, he was not sure. Tim must be out riding in the hills. Probably trying to avoid his wife.

The servant allowed him entrance and took him to the sitting room without introduction.

Clare was waiting for him, lounging on a divan in dishabille, her dressing gown artfully arranged to display a length of bare leg, the globe of a breast, and the barest hint of nipple, peeking from the ruffles of lace. ‘Adam. At last.’

Her voice raised the hairs on the back of his neck, just as it always did, and he wondered how he could have mistaken the feeling for passion. ‘Clarissa. Why have you come here?’

‘Because it is my home.’

‘It is Tim’s home. And you loathe it. You have told us often enough.’

‘Then I will be honest. I came because I missed you.’ She pulled a pretty pout, which made her look more like a spoiled child than a seductress. ‘It has been so long.’

‘Barely a month.’

‘Why did you leave London?’

‘You should know that. I sought to be where my wife would be happiest.’ And to be where you were not.

‘Timothy would not let us travel home to be near you. He insists on staying in the city, although it is unbearably hot, and everyone of fashion is leaving.’

‘Go to Bath, then. Somewhere that suits you.’

She sighed. ‘I did not want Bath. I longed for the comforts of home. If he does not wish to follow, I cannot very well force him. He may stay in the city with the children for all I care.’

‘You left your husband and your children as well.’ Adam shook his head in disgust.

She shifted, allowing her robe to fall open, so that there could be no mistake of her plans for the next hour. ‘I am totally alone, if you still fear discovery. My servants know better than to talk. And your wife spends most days poring over her books, does she not? No one will be the wiser.’

‘I thought I made it clear that there would be nothing more between us.’

‘On the contrary. You think that by saying nothing, and running away from me, you can end what we had together. If you truly wanted to end it, you would have told me so, outright. But I think you are afraid to speak to me. You are still not sure what you will say to me, Adam, when we are alone. And I have your letters, you know. I read them often. I know the contents of your heart.’

He felt a wave of humiliation, remembering the things he had written to her. Words he wished he’d have saved for the woman who deserved them. ‘That is all in the past, Clare. If you must hear me speak the truth plainly, before you believe it, then listen now. Anything that there was between us is at an end. I will not come crawling back to you like a whipped dog. I have a wife now.’

‘Why should it matter? I have always had a husband, and it did not seem to bother you.’

The mention of Tim cut at his heart. ‘It bothered me a great deal, Clarissa. He is my friend.’

‘And I am your lover.’

‘Do not dignify what we did by calling it love. There was no higher feeling involved than lust. I disgusted myself with my behaviour.’

She laughed. ‘You did not seem so disgusted at the time, as I remember it.’

‘I betrayed Tim. That was why you were so eager to snare me, was it not? You enjoyed our liaisons all the more, for knowing how it would hurt your husband.’

‘I viewed it as a challenge,’ she admitted. ‘To see if my charms were strong enough to break your fragile sense of honour. And it snapped like a twig. Now you think silence, distance and a hasty marriage is all it will take to gain your freedom.

‘Do you not remember trying this trick before with me? The cold silence. You lasted for six months. And when you came back, I made you beg before I would let you share my bed.’ She tipped her head to the side and smiled in remembrance. ‘It was really quite amusing. I wonder what I shall make you do this time, once you grow bored with your shop clerk and you want me again.’

He heard the words and, for the first time in months, everything came clear. Suddenly, as if a bond had been cut, he felt truly free of her. And it was his turn to laugh. ‘You trapped me well, with your sly affections and your subtle advances. You came to me when I was most vulnerable, when I was troubled, or lonely, or too drunk to care what I was doing. You used my weaknesses against me and took what you wanted. And afterwards, you left me broken. Cursed by my actions, ashamed of what I had become.

‘But when Penny found me in that state, she gave herself to me until I was healed. She has made me, in a few short weeks, into the man I wished I was. I can never give her what she truly deserves, for nothing I have is equal to her casual generosity towards me.

‘I love her, Clarissa. And I never loved you.’

She laughed back at him. Long and hard and unladylike. ‘Never mind, then. For she appears to have made you into the very thing I abhor. The virtuous prig that you never were, before you met her. Your head is full of romantic nonsense. What you mistake for sincerity is emotional claptrap. I wash my hands of you.’