Miss Winthorpe's Elopement (Belston & Friends #1)(52)

‘For holding my hand? That is rich, after what he has suffered from you.’

‘Which is another reason I do not wish to hurt him. He has not, as yet, done anything I cannot overlook. But I suspect it is only a matter of time before I will have reason to act. I beg you to stop it, to prevent me from having to do so.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘As if it would matter to you. From what I gather, in talking to your friends, the nobles of your acquaintance have the morals of cats in an alley. Not one wife amongst them is faithful, and all the husbands have mistresses.’

‘That is different,’ he answered.

‘I fail to see how. It is not as if we married for love, unless that is a mandatory precursor to the level of infidelity I have seen. Ours was a purely financial arrangement, and I thought we were of an understanding on the subject of sexual attachments. I told you it did not matter to me.’

‘And do you remember my saying, in response to you, that what you did would not matter to me? Because I did not. I was under the impression that while you intended for me to find a mistress to deal with my personal needs, you meant to stay home alone with a good book.’

‘So the situation is agreeable, so long as it benefits you and not me?’ she said.

‘I fail to see how it does, since I have not yet taken advantage of the liberties you seem so eager to allow me.’

She grew even more confused. ‘You have no mistress?’

‘Not at this time.’

‘Nor any other…’

‘No.’

‘Since we married, you have not—’

‘I said, no,’ he snapped.

‘I do not understand.’

‘Nor do I,’ he responded. ‘But that doesn’t mean I wish for you to take a lover after less than a month of marriage. You cannot expect me to sit idly by and do nothing about it.’

Her argument ran out of fuel, and her anger cooled. But his argument became no clearer. And so she said, ‘Your friends do not seem overly bothered by their wives’ conduct.’

‘My friends all have several children. Any inheritances or titles have been assured. Their wives have performed the duties, which you have expressed no interest in. They have earned latitude.’

‘And is that the only problem? You think that I encourage Timothy too soon?’

‘People will say that turnabout is fair play, and I am getting a taste of what I deserve. And they will question the legitimacy of my heir, should there be one, even if I do not.’

She smiled at the nonsense of it. ‘But I have no intention of getting myself with child.’

He shook his head. ‘You are wise in many things, but there is much you do not know. Let me try to explain. First, you understand that you do not get yourself with child, it is a collaborative effort.’

‘I do not plan to collaborate.’

He sighed. ‘If you have feelings for Timothy, or any one else, for that matter, these feelings could lead you to a place where collaboration is inevitable.’

‘I am not so easily led, Adam,’ she said.

He shook his head. ‘At one time, I thought I was as wise as you think you are now. A private conversation, a shared joke, the touch of a hand in friendship, or a waltz or two in public would lead to nothing. It was all innocent flirtation that I could stop before it got out of control. But considering our histories, you should sympathise with how easy it can be to respond poorly in the heat of the moment. And there is much heat in a forbidden kiss.’

He sank down on the couch, his head in his hands. ‘The next morning, I realised what I had done, and could not bring myself to look in the mirror. I was too ashamed. And that wasn’t the last time. I could not seem to stop it until I had driven myself near to ruin and hurt family and friends with the indiscretion.

‘And I am not as noble as my good friend Timothy, to be all understanding and forgiveness. Should he try to do to me what I did to him, I am more like to put a ball through him in the heat of anger than look quietly aside. I do not wish it to end thus.’ He looked up at her, in desperation. ‘If you truly prefer him to me, tell me now, and I will request the annulment that you once offered. Then you will be free to do as you like.’

‘I would make you pay back the money you have used,’ she countered.

‘You would have no right to do so. An annulment will make it as if you have never been married. Control of your estate would revert to your brother. I think he would consider the debts I incurred to be money well spent. The man would be more likely to kiss me than you would.’ He put his hand on hers. ‘I do not like Hector, and have no desire to aid him in controlling you, but neither will I allow you to shame me in public or destroy an already fragile friendship.’

She shook her head in amazement. She could not decide which was stranger: her husband’s jealous raving, or the twisted logic of the upper class. ‘So if any man speaks to me, you will be convinced that I am unfaithful, like all the other wives. And then you will corner me to rant, as you have tonight, although you have no reason.’

He gave her a sad smile, and nodded.

She continued. ‘And although in time you are likely to stray from me, I will be allowed no indiscretions at all, for you do not wish people to think that your heirs are illegitimate. You understand that there is no point in suspecting the legitimacy of your children until you have some?’