Mirage (Mirage #1)(74)

And the danger would never fade.





36

I sat in the center of my bed, knees pulled to my chest as the light orbs murmured back at me. I spoke so little here that I forgot how they picked up sounds and parroted them back to their listeners. But now they whispered back at me, hushed, tight breathing and hiccupping sobs.

I tried, too, not to think of what would happen to Maram now that Nadine had gotten to her. She trusted so few people to begin with, and now—the fragile bond I’d formed with her was broken beyond all repair, and all things I’d hoped for gone. The softening of her heart toward Andalaans would reverse. She would flinch back from it, convinced that I was proof of a base, traitorous nature in our race.

The small and great tragedies weighed equally on my heart, and at last I fell into an uneasy slumber, pulled down into half dreams by the weight of what I’d done.

*

I don’t know how long I slept, but when my eyes opened again the room was still dark. For a moment, I stared into the gloom, confused. The orbs pulsed softly back into light, illuminating Tala’s form curved over me, a hand outstretched to my shoulder.

“Tala?” I croaked. “What are you doing here?”

And then the world came rushing back and I sat up, heart beating painfully in my chest.

“What’s happened?”

“Amani,” Tala repeated. “Idris is here.”

I jerked around. “What?” I pushed myself away from her and tried to stand. I was shaking, I realized, as I tried to digest what she’d told me.

How could Idris be here? This wing was sealed off from the rest of the Ziyaana, and to try to breach it—to be here. Dihya, it was such a risk to take. I felt as if I were hallucinating as his shape resolved in the courtyard.

He crossed the space between us then and I let out a soft cry, heartbroken and heavy with grief. My heart gave a painful thud as he leaned down and kissed me. We stood like that, wrapped around one another, for long moments.

At last he raised his head, and laid his forehead against mine. His thumb swept over my cheeks, wiping away tears I hadn’t realized were falling.

“What … what are you doing here? How did you even know how to find me?”

He smiled just a little. “I took a risk and asked Tala,” he said softly. “Then she took a risk and helped me.”

I looked over my shoulder at Tala—she hovered in the doorway to my chamber, eyes cast down, fingers twisted in the folds of her skirt.

“You shouldn’t have—” I began and cut myself off. The danger now more than ever was beyond imagining—and he knew that. If Nadine or one of her droids came in, if Maram stormed in still furious, it would be not our lives, but the lives of our families.

“I’ve been so afraid, Amani,” he continued. “I knew it was you the moment you stood up for that boy.”

I let out a sound, half sob, half laughter, and he smiled.

“I’ve never known anyone so brave.”

“Not brave,” I whispered. “Foolish. Filled to the brim with stupidity.”

He pressed a kiss to my forehead and combed his fingers through my hair. “What did they do to you, Amani?”

I pressed my face against his shoulder, unwilling to speak. I would begin to cry if I told him, and I wanted this memory untouched. I wanted to be able to hold this close to my heart—his arms around me, his chin in my hair, the steady beat of his heart beneath my ear.

“I’m fine,” I said at last. “But Maram is furious.”

“Yes,” he laughed. “Of course she is.”

“No,” I said, and pulled away. “She found my family, Idris. My mother and father. My brothers—”

He hushed me softly and pulled me back.

“It was all my fault,” I whispered. “I don’t know what to do.”

There was nothing to do—for either of us. I laid my head against his shoulder and listened to him breathe, hoping it would calm my mind.

“I wish,” he said finally, settling his hands on my waist. “I wish we’d been born in a different time.”

I smiled. Such a statement seemed almost too fanciful for Idris. “Me too,” I replied. “Or that the Vath had never come.”

“Would we have met?”

I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed. “Sometimes … sometimes Dihya means for two people to love one another, no matter the circumstances.”

He chuckled. “But He doesn’t engineer it so they will spend their lives together.”

I tried to smile. “Trial and tribulation is how poems are penned.”

He laughed. “Being with you,” he started, and I shut my eyes again. “Amani … being with you is like being home. I haven’t felt this way since … since before.”

I’d never felt about anyone how I felt about Idris. When I was with him it seemed that the entire galaxy was open to possibility, that we could do anything, achieve anything, if only we tried.

“Run away with me,” he said softly.

I gripped the lapels of his jacket. I wanted to. Dihya only knew how much. But I couldn’t—my parents, my brothers. They would always been in danger now. Anything I did the Vath would take out on them. I had to be here. I had to remain here. I had to obey.