Mine Would Be You (41)

Even after a few deep breaths, I’m still so deeply angry. I don’t want to make anyone’s day worse or mope around when we’ve all been walking on eggshells all day, so I turn and stalk towards the ocean, wanting to be alone. Wanting to shove everything down and forget about it. I sit where the ocean meets the sand, letting the water run up and over my legs where I rest my elbows on my knees.

I’m not alone for long. I can sense her presence, attuned to it now, but I keep my eyes forward. She stands for a moment, hesitant, before taking a seat in the sand next to me. After a beat that feels endless, her shoulder brushes mine, and I exhale.

Turning to look at her, I see worry swims in her eyes. “Is that what was wrong last night? He said something to you.” It’s a statement not a question.

She sighs. “Yeah, in the kitchen.”

I shake my head, chuckling dryly. “God, he’s a dick sometimes.”

Nina rests her hand on my arm, gently. “I’m sorry, for that fight, for all of this. I should’ve told you.”

Without hesitation I meet her gaze again. “Nina, you didn’t do anything wrong. You have nothing to apologize for. Not one thing.” She opens her mouth, but I cut her off. “I should’ve been honest with him. That I wanted to pursue you. This is on me, not you.”

“I don’t want you to ruin your friendship. I don’t want to be the reason.”

“The only people that can ruin our friendship are Myles or me. Not you.” We share a look, and I don’t turn away until she exhales, hopefully agreeing with me or understanding what I’m trying to say. “I’m going to talk to him after this weekend, and we’ll see what happens. But none of it is your fault.”

The sun hits her warm, brown skin, highlighting all the sunspots, the random new freckles that appeared, and her dark brown eyes shine despite everything. Even now, I can’t help but just enjoy her being next to me, just sitting here. How much calmer she makes me feel without even trying.

But I know she must be feeling a boatload of emotions that I’ll never begin to understand. I’ve been in relationships before, none of them serious. But I’ve never been jaded or burned by anyone. Everything always ended easily. And I know that she’s been hurt, burned by Myles more than I’ll ever know.

I wish I could take it away.

Even though I can’t, I remind her that everything is on her terms. I turn, facing her a bit more. “Listen, I know you must be feeling all sorts of things, and you don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want. But just try not to let him get in here any further.” I reach up and tap gently on her forehead. “He doesn’t deserve any more of your thoughts. It’s your life, and you can do whatever you want, whether that’s with me or someone else. He gets no say.”

“Jackson,” she says softly, looking down, and the way she says my name hits me in chest.

I smile. “Let’s just try to enjoy the rest of the weekend. No pressure, no expectations, okay?”

Inside, I’m hoping that I still have a chance. That she wants to give me a chance. Because already, I don’t want this to end.





I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round that keeps changing directions.

One moment, I feel fine, like the altercation with Myles never happened. That he never showed up, never confronted me or Jackson. They left shortly after everything. Luckily, I was able to pull aside Emma before they did and apologize. Instead of being upset or angry at me, she pulled me in for a hug and just held me there, and I held her back. She let me know she wasn’t mad at me, that I wasn’t at fault, and still I apologized again, to which she laughed. We made a promise to meet up soon, just the two of us. When I feel fine, I feel like I can continue getting to know Jackson and getting closer to him, because that’s what I want.

The next second I feel like all this is going to lead to me getting burned again. That I’m dancing too close to the flames, and everything is going to end as quickly as it started. I feel bad because Jackson deserves someone who is open and ready and excited for this, not terrified of it.

Even so, if he is bothered by it, it never shows. He never makes me feel like there is anything wrong with me.

“I need to finish packing, you wanna come?” Jackson asks from where he sits across from me.

Harper and Roman are on a walk on the beach, despite the clouds and the occasional drizzle of rain. And Sloan is currently in the kitchen, checking her laptop for new appointments. I glance to her, and she gives me an encouraging nod, knowing all my fears and anxiety and trying to quell them.

I nod. “Yeah.”

Jackson smiles softly, and we stand, heading upstairs to his room. I take a seat on the bed, pulling my legs up. He’s been nothing but understanding since yesterday, making sure I’m okay, but I’ve noticed he’s quieter today, upset about his friend and attempting to be the same sunshine boy we all know. Part of me worries he’s just putting on a show, but it’s not my place to say that right now or to force the answer out. I’m just doing the best I can for both of us.

“Hey,” I say. He glances over at me. “You know it’s okay to be upset, right? If you are.” I meet his eyes, his hands holding a shirt closely. “Not saying we have to talk about it, but you’ve been nothing but kind to me, and I want you to know if you want to talk about it, you can. If you don’t, that’s fine too. But I’m here for you.”