Midnight Moonrising (Moonrising #2)(48)
I squeezed his hand, but he didn't respond to the pressure. He was re-living the memory someone had told him centuries ago. Had it been his mother who had told him? His father?
"There was a crowd gathered when he arrived in the village. The vampire blood in his veins ran cold when he overheard two men talking about the Duke's wife and newborn baby who would both be executed for the woman's sins." He paused for a moment and frowned. "I've wished every day of my life that he had saved her instead of me."
I reached up and wiped the moisture from under my eyes again, and doubted even my wolf would have been able to keep my heart from breaking in that moment.
"My father told me that story often, and then he would tell me that he regretted his choice of rescuing me instead of her, that she was his soul mate and they were meant to be together for all of eternity. I had ruined everything for them. From as early as I can remember, he'd taught me to fight, to be a warrior, and then he would tell me that I was weak and would never be good enough or strong enough. Most times he would make me fight him until I'd lose consciousness. I was only a human boy and he was a vampire—I couldn't defeat him. But I made myself a promise when I was fourteen."
"What was it?" I said.
"That when I got to my breaking point, I would ask him to turn me, and then I would kill him. I was thirty-two when I returned from the war. With the skills he had taught me over the years, I had become a general and led my men to victory several times. He saw it only as another human weakness. I stuck to my plan and convinced him that I was worthy of immortality, that together we could conquer anything. He changed me that night, and that night I destroyed him."
I got up from my seat and went to him. He scooted the chair back far enough so I could sit on his lap. As I looked down into those glacier-like eyes, I knew that I disagreed with him fully; I was happy his father had chosen to save him instead of his mother. I think it was in that moment that I lost a little piece of my heart to him.
His eyes lingered on mine and the tears that filled them. "Mena, I didn't tell you that story to make you feel sorry for me."
I shook my head. "I don't pity you. I was just thinking how happy I am that he chose to save you. I have one question, though."
His hand came up and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "What is it?"
"How did they find out you weren't the Duke's son?"
The gentleness left his features, but he didn't look away from me. "You're looking at the reason."
I didn't understand. How could anyone tell by looking at a baby who the father was unless his skin was a different color?
"My mother's eyes were a vibrant green and the Duke's eyes were a deep brown. I have my father's eyes. Before my father killed him, he made sure his eyes were the last thing the Duke saw."
"They are beautiful," I said.
He grimaced. "They are a curse. They are the reason I never got to meet my mother and my father hated me."
"They had a great love, but he was wrong to have treated you the way he did."
"That's why I vowed to never fall in love. Love always ends in tragedy."
I laughed lightly as my eyebrows drew down in confusion. I couldn't ignore the twinge I felt in the center of my chest, but I tried to stop it from showing in my expression. "You've never been in love?"
He shrugged. "No, and I never will be."
I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling, but I did know that it was no longer sadness or happiness. I didn't expect for him to be in love with me after only a week of us knowing each other, but if someone never intended to fall in love with another person, why the hell would they pursue them and say things like he had said to me in the last few days?
"What?" I said, and hated the way my voice cracked. That pissed me off, and I cried when I was angry, but I knew it would make me look weak in front of Phoenix. I didn't want to look weak. I wanted to get away from him. "Never mind," I said as I stood from his lap and started for the bathroom to shower, but he grabbed my hand and stood.
"Mena, what's wrong? What did I say?"
"It's nothing, Phoenix. I just misread your—"
"You thought I was in love with you," he said, and then sighed as he released my hand.
I should have turned and left him there, leaving our conversation incomplete—again—but we had a lot of unfinished things between us, and it was time to finalize at least one of them without running.
"No, I don't think you are in love with me, but why would you take an interest in someone if you never intend to love them?"
"You're young, Mena. Love won't mean the same thing to you after a century or two. I don't expect you to understand now. I like being around you. I want you. You drive me crazy! Hell, I may even be a little obsessed and infatuated with you, but all those emotions will pass. Just like love. In time… it will pass."
Trying to swallow the huge lump in my throat proved to be impossible. "Then why even start something that you know will pass?"
"Jesus, Mena…" he sighed, "…this is not how I wanted our morning to go. Please, just try to understand what I'm saying before you get mad and hate me. Love is nothing more than an emotion, like hate, lust, jealousy or anger. You feel it, or your mind tells you that you do, but it isn't who you are. You can enjoy being in the moment with someone without chaining yourself to one emotion and then getting let down. The difference between love and all those other feelings is that love is the only one that can truly break a person. You can get over anger, jealousy and hate—they don't leave lasting damage—but when you allow yourself to love, to let go and open your heart fully, that's when you can be destroyed, crushed. Love makes a person vulnerable; it makes them weak, and I refuse to be weak."