Midnight Exposure (Midnight #1)(41)

“That’s so scary. One minute she’s going about her business. The next, she’s gone.” Mandy shivered but she didn’t move closer.

Nathan rubbed a hand down her arm. “Keep in mind we don’t know anything about her. She could have a drug or drinking problem. She could be mentally unstable.”

“I guess.” Mandy didn’t sound convinced. “It makes you think, though, about life and the future. It can all end in the blink of an eye. We have to make the most of every second.”

Nathan pressed his mouth to Mandy’s and gathered her close. She was going to end it. He could feel it. Her lips were warm as usual, but stiff, and her body was far too rigid. On the other side of the closed office door, the commercial dishwasher hissed in the empty diner. Nathan’s gut clenched. He rested his temple against the long, soft fall of her shining dark hair and closed his eyes.

Here it comes. Wait for it.

His hand reflexively squeezed her hip.

Mandy’s hand splayed in the center of his chest. “Stop. We need to talk.”

He froze at her sharp whisper. Regret gripped his heart. I love you. “What is it, baby?”

“It’s us, Nathan. It’s not working.” Huge blue eyes glistened as she looked away. “If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t insist we keep our relationship a secret.” Stepping back, she turned away and paced the few feet between his desk and the wall. She stopped at the window and hugged her arms. Her gaze pieced him with equal parts misery and anger. “I don’t understand. You’re not married. There’s no reason we can’t be together.”

If she only knew. “People will talk. You’re twenty years younger than me.” And oh, so beautiful. So perfect. So clean and fresh. The blackness in Nathan’s soul expanded and threatened to swallow them both. He had no right to corrupt something so pure. But that fact didn’t stop him from wanting her. “Besides, I have Uncle Aaron to take care of right now. His cancer isn’t responding to treatment. I can’t deal with any more stress. Like your mom. Mae would kill me if she ever found out about us.”

His attempt at humor failed. Mandy wasn’t buying any of his lame-ass excuses.

“Mom’d be OK with it. She wants me to be happy.” A tempest of emotions filled her eyes as she left the rest unsaid: that he didn’t.

He cared, more than she knew, which was the reason he had to let her go. The only thing Nathan could give her was more misery.

“And you can’t wait to get out of this town,” he said.

“I’d stay for you.” Her eyes welled up, sparkling pools of baby blue in a porcelain face. How short, sturdy Mae Brown had given birth to such a perfect creature was beyond comprehension.

“And likely regret it for the rest of your life. There’s a big world out there, and you should see it. I’m holding you back.”

Only Mandy could make a shrug simultaneously innocent and sexy. “I’m not sure I can leave anyway. Mom needs me at the inn. She’s getting older. She can’t run it all by herself. That old place barely generates enough income to cover expenses. If you didn’t let me work here, I wouldn’t be able to cover my tuition. There’s Bill to think of, too. My brother is a perpetual seven-year-old. He’ll never be independent.”

Nathan knew all about sacrifices made for family, but the thought of Mandy giving up her life for her mother and brother compounded the ache in his chest. “You shouldn’t give up your dreams for another person. You’re young and smart. You’re meant for bigger things, Mandy. What about your degree?”

“I can finish that here.”

He shook his head. “Honey, we’re in different phases of our lives. The road in front of you is wide open. For me, it’s all in the rearview mirror.”

Mandy’s breath hitched but she didn’t disagree. She could have a long, full life. She was beautiful, kind, and intelligent.

Mandy gave her cheek a quick forefinger swipe. “I just don’t want to sneak around anymore.” Her eyes turned toward the door before her face followed. She’d already decided, he thought, before she’d even come in here. Good. If the breakup was her idea, she’d move on faster. “I want a real relationship.”

“I know. But I can’t give you what you need.” Except for his son, Evan, she was the only thing that kept hopelessness from dragging him under. What would Evan think of his affair with Mandy? She was closer to Evan’s age than Nathan’s. One more reason to end it now. “I’ll miss you, though.”

What else did he have to live for?

His uncle’s death wouldn’t be easy or quick. Nathan would care for him until the gruesome end. What kind of life could he offer Mandy?

Mandy sniffed and shook her frame straight, bringing Nathan back to the issue. She was through with him. “You know I don’t care what people say.”

“I know you don’t.” Nathan’s arm itched to pull her back, to hold her close, to beg her not to abandon him in the dark. But he didn’t. Even though her exit from his life was like the final seal on his coffin, he needed to let her go. It was better this way. Really.

So why did he feel like cannonballing off the bridge? His responsibilities would weight him down better than concrete blocks.

“Can I give you a ride home?”