Maybe Someday(31)

I can still feel it in my chest, but it’s much

lower this time. I move my hand down, and he

nods again.

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I pull away from him and turn around to face

him.

“Wow.”

He lifts his shoulders and smiles shyly. It’s

adorable.

Me: This is crazy. I still don’t understand

how you can play an instrument like this,

but I know how you feel it now.

He shrugs off my compliment, and I love how

modest he is, because he clearly has more talent

than anyone I’ve ever met.

“Wow,” I say again, shaking my head.

Ridge: Stop. I don’t like compliments. It’s

awkward.

I set down my phone and we both move back

to the laptops.

Me: Well, you shouldn’t be so impressive,

then. I don’t think you realize what an

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incredible gift you have, Ridge. I know

you say you work hard at it, but so do

thousands of people who can hear, and

they can’t put together songs like you

can. I mean, I can maybe understand the

whole guitar thing now that you’ve ex-

plained it, but what about the voices? How

in the heck can you know what a voice

sounds like and what key it needs to be

in?

Ridge: Actually, I can’t differentiate the

sounds of a voice. I’ve never felt a person

sing the way I “listen” to a guitar. I can

place vocals to a song and develop melod-

ies because I’ve studied a lot of songs and

have learned which keys match up to

which notes, based on the written form of

music. It doesn’t just come naturally. I

work hard at this. I love the idea of music,

and even though I can’t hear it, I’ve

learned to understand and appreciate it in

a different way. I’ve had to work harder at

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the melodies. There are times I’ll write a

song, and Brennan will tell me we can’t

use it because it either sounds too much

like an existing song or it doesn’t actually

sound good to hearing ears like I assumed

it would.

He can downplay this all he wants, but I’m

convinced I’m sitting next to a musical genius. I

hate that he thinks his ability comes from work-

ing so hard at it. I mean, I’m sure it helps, be-

cause all talents have to be nurtured in order to

excel, even for the gifted. But his talent is mind-

blowing. It makes me hurt for him, knowing what

he could do with his gift if he could hear.

Me: Can you hear anything? At all?

He shakes his head.

Ridge: I’ve worn hearing aids before, but

they were more inconvenient than helpful.

I have profound hearing loss, so they

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didn’t help at all when it came to hearing

voices or my guitar. When I used them, I

could tell there were noises, but I couldn’t

decipher them. In all honesty, hearing

aids were a constant reminder that I

couldn’t hear. Without them, I don’t even

think about it.

Me: What made you want to learn guitar,

knowing you would never be able to hear

it?

Ridge: Brennan. He wanted to learn when

we were kids, so we learned together.

Me: The guy who used to live here? How

long have you known him?

Ridge: 21 years. He’s my little brother.

Me: Is he in your band?

Ridge glances at me in confusion.

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Ridge: Have I not told you about our

band?

I shake my head.

Ridge: He’s the singer. He also plays

guitar.

Me: When do you play next? I want to

watch.

He laughs.

Ridge: I don’t play. It’s kind of complic-

ated. Brennan insists that I have as much

stake in the ownership of the band as he

does because I write the majority of the

music, which is why I refer to myself as

being part of the band sometimes. I think

it’s ridiculous, but he’s convinced we

wouldn’t be where we are at this point

without me, so I agree to it for now. But

with the success I think he’s about to

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have, I’ll make him renegotiate eventu-

ally. I don’t like feeling as though I’m tak-

ing advantage of him.

Me: If he doesn’t feel that way, then you

definitely shouldn’t feel that way. And why

don’t you play with them?

Ridge: I have a few times. It’s kind of dif-

ficult, not being able to hear everything

else going on with the band during a

song, so I feel like I throw them off when

I play with them. Besides, they’re on tour

right now, and I can’t travel, so I’ve just

been sending him the stuff I write.

Me: Why can’t you tour with them? Don’t