Maybe Now (Maybe #2)(4)
This all feels so surreal—him actually being here with me after so many months of wishing it could be this way. And he’s right. It felt so stifling being apart from him, yet feels liberating now that he’s here. And I know he isn’t saying all of what he just said because he felt like his life with Maggie was in any way something he didn’t want. He loved her. Loves her. What he’s feeling is the result of spending an entire life making decisions that were in the best interest of others and not himself. And I don’t think he regrets any of it. It’s just who he is. And even though I was a selfish decision he finally made for himself, I know he’s still the same selfless person he’s always been, so there’s going to be some residual guilt there. But people need to put themselves first sometimes. If you aren’t living your best life for yourself, you can’t be your best self for those in your life.
“What are you thinking?” he asks, brushing my hair back.
I shake my head. “Nothing. Just…” I don’t know how to sign what I want to say, so I grab my phone again.
Sydney: This all feels surreal. I’m still trying to soak it all in. Last night was completely unexpected. I was starting to convince myself that you were getting to a point where you didn’t think we could be together.
Ridge’s eyes shoot to mine and he laughs a little, like my text was completely absurd. Then he leans forward and gives me the softest, sweetest kiss before replying.
Ridge: I haven’t been able to sleep for three months. Warren forced me to eat because I was anxious all the time. I’ve thought about you every minute of every day, but I kept my distance because you said we needed time apart. And even though it killed me, I knew you were right. Since I couldn’t be with you, I forced myself to write music about you.
Sydney: Are there any songs I haven’t heard yet?
Ridge: I played all my new songs for you last night. But I’ve been working on one. I’ve been stuck because the lyrics didn’t feel quite right. But last night after you fell asleep, the lyrics started flowing like water. I wrote them down and sent them to Brennan as soon as I got them down on paper.
He wrote an entire song after I fell asleep last night? I narrow my eyes at him and then reply.
Sydney: Have you even slept yet?
He shrugs. “I’ll nap later,” he says, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip. “Keep an eye on your email today,” he says as he leans in for another kiss.
I love it when Brennan makes rough cuts of the songs Ridge writes. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of dating a musician.
Ridge rolls off the couch and then pulls me up with him. “I’ll leave so you can get ready for work.”
I nod and kiss him goodbye, but when I try to walk to my bedroom, he doesn’t release his grip on my hand. I turn around and he’s looking at me expectantly.
“What?”
He points to the shirt I have on. His shirt. “I need that.”
I look at his T-shirt and laugh. Then I pull the shirt off—slowly—and hand it to him. He’s eyeing me up and down as he takes his shirt and pulls it over his head. “What time did you say you’re coming over tonight?” He’s still staring at my chest when he asks this question, completely unable to look me in the eyes.
I laugh and push him toward the door. He opens it and slips out of my apartment, but not before stealing another quick kiss. I close the door behind him and realize for the first time since the day I moved out of my old apartment, I finally feel like I’m no longer resentful for the turmoil Hunter and Tori caused.
I am absolutely, without a doubt, so grateful for Hunter and Tori. I would live through the Tori/Hunter heartache a million times over if Ridge was always my final result.
???
A few hours later, I get an email from Brennan. I duck into a bathroom stall at work with my headphones and click on the email with the subject line, “Set Me Free.” I lean against the wall, press play on my phone, and close my eyes.
“Set Me Free”
I’ve been running ‘round
I’ve been laying down
I’ve been underground with the devil
You’ve been saving me like a ship at sea
Saying follow me to the light now
So here we go
A little more
Something I’ve been waiting for
Here we go
A little more
You set me free
Shook the dust right off me
Locked up tight you found the key
And now I see
Ain’t no place I’d rather be
I got you and you got me
You set me free
Hard to know the cost of it
But when you’ve lost something
Then you know there’s a price tag
Think you might have been born to
Be my come through when
I can’t keep it all together
So here we go
A little more
Something I’ve been waiting for
Here we go
A little more
You set me free
Shook the dust right off me
Locked up tight you found the key
And now I see