Maybe Matt's Miracle(52)

“Yeah?” I ask. I’m still sort of dazed.

“Be careful with him, okay?” he says. His voice is soft but strong, and I can tell he means it.

“What?” I ask. I force myself out of my haze and focus on him. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He starts to clean up toys, throwing them into a nearby toy bin. “He’s been through a lot,” Paul says. “I’m not sure he could survive another heartbreak. Not and stay the same, easygoing guy he is now. Don’t wreck him, okay?” he asks. He sighs out a breath.

“I won’t,” I say. No one ever means to do that, do they?

“He’s special,” Paul says. “Even before he got sick, he was different from the rest of us. He’s good and kind, and he still believes in the goodness of the heart. He needs to stay that way. So, don’t hurt him.” He says the last part quietly, so the kids can’t hear him.

“I won’t,” I whisper. I want to challenge him and ask how dare he. But I can see the vulnerability in his eyes. I can see that it was hard for him to have this conversation with me.

He nods and gets up, then leaves the room. I sit and watch the girls play while I collect my thoughts. I need a basket to put them all in because my head just isn’t big enough.





Matt



When I come out of my room, Sky is in with Paul and the girls in Hayley’s room. I need a minute to collect myself and wash my hands. I throw some cold water on my face, too. It takes a minute to calm myself down, and if I didn’t know that I might be going home with Sky tonight, I would have taken matters into my own hands. But as it stands, the only place I want to come is inside her. Not alone. Not ever again.

I leave the bathroom and go sit down on the couch to see how Seth is doing with my game. He’s playing against Logan, and Logan can’t hear the game so it’s harder for him. But he’s a damn fine opponent anyway. He tackles it the same way he does life, by taking cues from everything around him in the game. And he’s beating Seth, so it’s working for him.

I sit down next to Emily. She scoots closer to me and lays her head on my shoulder. I cuddle up with her for a second, and then scoot to the side. She shoots me a weird look.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, her brow furrowing.

I pull her head to me and kiss her forehead. I love snuggling with Emily. I always have. She’s like the sister I never had or ever wanted. We bonded after my chemo when she helped me out, saving my life by sacrificing her own freedom, when I didn’t want my brothers to know I was sick. She holds a special place in my heart.

She inches closer to me, like she’s determined to cuddle. I see Sky walk up the hallway, and her eyes find me on the couch, but Reagan gets her attention by passing her a margarita. Sky takes it and starts to talk with Reagan.

“Matt?” Emily asks. “What is it?”

I blow out a heavy breath. “You know I love you, right?” I say quietly.

“Yes…” she replies. But she looks flustered. And concerned. And worried. I hate that I’m putting that look on her face. But things have changed.

“And you know how much I love cuddling with you, right?” I say.

She grins and leans toward me. But I push her shoulders back. “Matt?” she asks, shocked.

“Well, here’s the deal.” I run a hand down my face. “I love you, Em,” I say, and I’m not lying. Not a bit. She saved my life by sacrificing everything she held dear two years ago, and she did it without a thought. She will always be in my heart.

“Okay…” she says. “But?” She holds out her hands like she’s surrendering to the cops.

I look over at Sky, and she raises her glass to me. She keeps talking with Reagan, and I am glad because I have to have this conversation with Emily. “I love you, Em, but I’m in love with her.” I nod toward Sky. “Like want to move in with her tomorrow and die together when we’re old kind of love.”

She sits back a little. “Oh,” she breathes. She looks like someone just slapped her. Emily and I don’t have feelings for one another, not like that. But we have always cuddled, and I think I’m hurting her feelings, and I f*cking hate it because she doesn’t understand. “I’m in love with her, and I’m afraid she’ll feel weird about me cuddling with you.”

Her brow furrows even more. “So you explain our relationship,” she says with laugh. “She’ll understand.” She leans like she wants to lie on my side. I push her back a little. “Matt,” she protests. “Stop doing that.”

“Em,” I say. “If you’re cuddled up with me, she’s can’t get in that spot, and I really, really, really want her in that spot.”

Her face softens.

“Do you get it now?”

She motions toward Logan. “Logan never minded our cuddling. Why would she?”

Honestly, I wouldn’t f*ck Emily if she were the last woman on the planet. If Logan died tomorrow, and every other woman on the planet did, too, I still wouldn’t f*ck Emily, that’s how much I love her like a sister, but I don’t want there to be any confusion. I don’t want Sky to feel weird about it. I shake my head because I don’t know what more I can say to her.

“Matt,” she says softly. I look up into her face, and my heart almost breaks when I see her eyes filling with tears. “You’re really in love with her, aren’t you?”