Marry Screw Kill(41)

“James?” Sin takes a deep breath. I am afraid of what he might say. I can’t take a confrontation with James yet. I need a solid plan before I go down a lonely road leading away from this house. At this moment, I have nothing, which makes me feel less like a coward for deciding I need to stay.

“You must be tired from working all day. Let me clean up the room.” My words are quick and certain.

“But …” Sin watches me and I shake my head at him, an almost imperceptible motion, while begging him to stop with my eyes. He does, and I find it telling how I can communicate with him without saying a single word.

“I’m exhausted.” James wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to his chest. I catch a whiff of perfume, one I’ve smelled before, one that isn’t mine. My mind skips over the reasons for a fragrance on his clothing, though deep down, I know the answer and wonder if it even matters.

The solid wall of man I’m leaning into contains no warmth or protection for me. The connection when I was in Sin’s arms felt like a place I could hide away. His arms offered me safety and comfort—two feelings I have not experienced in ages. I forgot how wonderful and liberating they are in this crazy world.

“Head upstairs and I’ll join you in a few minutes,” I say to James while patting his chest. He kisses the top of my head and releases me from his arms, a sweet and tender display for him. Relief floods over me. He bought the story, and I should feel guilty, but I don’t, and I am too tired to figure out why.

“Sin, follow me upstairs,” James says in a way that leaves no question that it was a command.

“Okay,” Sin responds, hesitation in his voice as he looks between James and me. “I have some reading to do anyway.”

James turns and heads to the door as Sin walks toward me. As he passes by, he leans into me, and for some reason, I lean right back, like a magnet to steel.

“Don’t let him touch you if you don’t want him to,” Sin whispers into my ear. I nod and force my hands to stay at my sides. I want to reach out and touch him so badly, but I can’t risk James seeing me. I crave Sin’s touch tonight, not James’. “Come get me if you need me. I mean it.”

Sin pulls away from me and I watch him walk out of the room. The pull between us continues and I follow behind him. I hide in the darkness of the hallway as Sin approaches an awaiting James at the bottom of the stairs. Sin’s shoulders take on a squared-edge when James pats him on the back. I cringe on Sin’s behalf.

As I watch them continue upstairs, words float on the tip of my tongue, though I’m not brave enough to say them to Sin. Words asking Sin to take me away from this house and James. But my unspoken plea would’ve put a burden on him and caused a division in his family.

“She’s a fragile thing. I have to treat her with kid gloves for the most part,” James says to Sin with a wink. I am convinced his wink was referring to sex, especially after what Sin saw between us this morning. James’ words of degradation send an ice-cold chill through me. “I’m not sure what she told you, but Harlow confuses things in her world with fantasies. She had a troubled childhood, for one. Plus, she lost her mother a few months ago. I’m helping her build a new life.”

Sin moves away from James and regards him with his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t buy the fantasy part. She seems perfectly sane to me,” Sin says, defending me to the man who says he loves me and wants to make me his wife. The only fantasy I’m guilty of believing is James’ lies. All of them. From the police believing Tony’s family is out for me to me not being strong enough to handle my mother’s death without pills.

The black and white contrast between these two men leaves me with open eyes. I can almost hear the last of the blinders falling to the ground as I blink.

“Well, you’ve known her, what? Twenty-four hours?” James’ laugh echoes throughout the house. “Hardly enough time to make a judgment. Remember, as a doctor, we need to study our patients. A quick diagnosis can lead to errors.”

My hands form tight fists as I listen to his last remarks. I’ve heard enough for the night and return to the television room to clean up the pizza boxes and plates. Gathering them in under a minute, I throw the pizza box and beer cans away in the garbage, and place the plates in the dishwasher.

Nothing is ever left out overnight. James would be livid if he found any trace of them in the morning. The last and only time I left a teacup in the sink overnight, he made me disrobe and scrub the kitchen floors on my hands and knees. My stomach turns at the thought. I didn’t even show any sign to him that I was humiliated. I caved into his demands out of fear—fear of being alone in this world. Looking back, he has used my weakness against me at every turn. That hindsight is twenty-twenty saying makes me see myself as a fool.

My newly found anger with James makes me want to leave one of the plates in the sink just to piss him off. He deserves it after what he said about me to Sin, but I stood there silent in the shadows and let him speak about me, knowing full well James was telling Sin complete lies. Though, I am guilty of falling for the lies James has told me over the last four months. My biggest mistake is believing a marriage to him would be based on love.

I have to face the fact that my battle is with James and no one else. I can’t ask Sin for help, though I’m convinced his offer was sincere.