Marry Screw Kill(30)

“So, let’s start at the tears, or somewhere close. I’m surprised he let you come here. He has kept you all to himself for months.” Emma raises her eyebrows.

“It wasn’t easy to get away today.” I glance down at my plate and shift in my chair, remembering the bargain I made with James. No way in hell could I tell her what happened between James and me, though. In the blink of an eye, she would kidnap me and move me across the border to Canada.

“I don’t understand why it’s hard to leave your house and meet me. Or return a call?” She pushes her half-eaten salad away. The conversation has killed my appetite, too.

“He’s been worried about Tony’s family. Supposedly, the police said his family feels I’m to blame for his death.”

“Wait. Are they really after you?”

“I haven’t seen anything that would back it up. I’ve only heard this from James.” I want to tell Emma it’s likely a lie, but I don’t.

“I don’t get it. Is he forbidding you from talking to me, too?”

“I don’t know, Emma. I guess he has been.” It’s a half-truth, or a partial lie. I do know and he has forbidden me.

“You understand this is twisted, don’t you? You’re a grown woman with the right to come and go as you please,” she says, frowning at me, concern etched in her eyes. “It’s like you’re his possession.”

I can’t argue with her. She makes it sound so simple, and it is to her. She has a backbone made of steel and the support of a loving family. I had nowhere to turn when I was crushed by life. Also, I have nothing. Not even a single dollar. This fact overwhelms me every time I dwell on it.

“I’m sorry if I’m hitting too close to home, but I worry about you. I’ve known you since kindergarten—hell, I don’t remember not being your best friend. Look me in the eye and tell me you’re happy and I’ll stop. I’ll even try to support you, but it will be hard.”

“Happy?” I laugh the word away. “I have no idea what that means anymore. Since my mother ...” Tears burn my eyes and I can’t go any further without breaking down into a complete sob fest.

“You haven’t had time to work through her loss. And why the rush to get married?”

This question, I can answer. “James wants to give me his name and make me his family. I have no idea who my family is.”

“Harlow, you’re like my sister.” Emma’s eyes fill with tears, and so do mine. “Seeing you crying and hurting is killing me.” She reaches for my hand. “I think you need time away from him to decide what to do with him and your life.”

“Things with James started out so differently.” I take a deep breath and prepare to tell her the truth … or part of it. “He made me feel safe. The bottom dropped out of my world and he was there to pick me up.”

“When I last saw you, two weeks after … well, after everything,” like me, she doesn’t even want to mention the topic directly, “I wanted to tell you I’d wished you’d called me, the night she died.”

Me, too. I sigh.

“He promised to right my upside-down world. Give me a chance to move forward. All I needed to do was focus on my future with him and move on from my past.”

It’s this morning, along with his excessive demands for sex and control I can’t move past right now, but I can’t tell Emma that. At least, not yet.

“Well, has he? Righted your world?” Emma stares at me with an impassive face, waiting for my answer.

“I thought he did, but I’m not sure any more.” I bury my head in my hands. There’s an ache in my chest making it hard to breath.

“Hey. Let’s get out of here. Maybe go outside and sit by the pool.” I lower my hands and look up at Emma. She is smiling at me sweetly. Love rolls off her and I want to open my arms up to it. It’s the salve my heart longs for.

Once again, I charge the lunch to James’ account. Signing the bill over to him seems wrong since I’m here discussing him with Emma. Am I disrespecting his generosity? If I weren’t so tangled up in the strings attached to his love, I’d say yes.

We find a quiet spot away from the eyes of onlookers near the pool. The warmth of the sun shines down on me, removing the chill I’ve had all day.

“Good choice,” I say, and Emma nods her head at me.

“I didn’t realize what was going on with you. I worried it was bad, but I had no idea it was this bad. We need to make a plan.” Emma reaches into her large bag and digs around, pulling out a notebook and pen. “You know me. I’m a list person.”

“Right. And sticky notes.” We laugh, and it feels good, familiar. “Thanks.” She stops her writing and looks at me.

“Thanks? Are you kidding me? I’d take a bullet for you.” I cringe and she gasps. “Oh my God, Harlow. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay,” I assure her. “I feel the same about you. And her.”

Emma rubs my shoulder. “Let’s figure this out. What do you have going on the rest of the weekend?”

“Nothing the rest of the day, but I need to get back home,” I say, leaving out that I’ve pressed my luck with James. “Brunch tomorrow here at the club. James’ nephew is in town for a clerkship at The Clinic.”