Make a Wish (Spark House #3)(56)

We order the chocolate lava cake for dessert, to share, of course.

I decide I can’t let this night end without addressing the one thing that’s been eating at me all these years. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

I set my fork down and take a sip of water, steeling my resolve.

“Harley? Is everything okay?”

“Do you remember that night when Peyton was teething and kept waking up?”

Gavin sets down his own fork and leans back in his chair. “She had a few of those nights.”

“You were in the kitchen. I was going to get a glass of water and I found you there.”

“Ah.” His gaze drops to the table. “Yes, I remember that night.”

I swallow down the nerves with a sip of my Bellini. “Is what almost happened that night the reason you moved to Boulder?”

His head snaps up, brows pulled together in confusion. “What?”

“Because I almost kissed you then.” My heart feels like it’s going to beat its way out of my chest and my mouth is desert dry, but I need the answer to this question, so I can finally move past it, instead of hanging on to it. “Is that why you moved?”

Gavin rubs his bottom lip and sighs. “No. That isn’t why we moved, but it did force me to see that I was heading down a path that was dangerous for both of us. And Peyton calling you Momma … that was … I had to look critically at what I was doing. You were young and so full of life, and I was … broken and grieving. It would have been a mistake to do anything back then. I wasn’t in the right frame of mind.”

I nod and cover my mouth with my hand, the emotional weight of it all still pulling me down. “So it wasn’t my fault that you moved to Boulder?”

“What? No, Harley.” He takes my free hand in his. “Hey, listen to me, it wasn’t about you. You didn’t do anything wrong. People get caught up in the moment, but everything about the timing was wrong. You were so young, figuring yourself out. I was in a bad place, and you were a lifeline. You kept me from sinking, and I relied on you a lot, which I’m sure made things confusing. I realized that after that night, and I knew I needed a reset. And I needed more help with Peyton than I was willing to admit. Did you honestly believe you were the reason we moved away?”

“I never heard from you again.”

“My headspace wasn’t good at the time. Those were lines I couldn’t cross, not then. I felt like I had the potential to really upend your life in a way I didn’t want to. I cared about you, for you, but I couldn’t entertain a relationship. I didn’t and couldn’t look at you that way then.” He squeezes my hand. “It wasn’t fair to you, but I needed a clean break and I’m sorry for that.”

I exhale a long, slow breath, and with it lifts the weight of guilt. “You weren’t the only one in a bad headspace. I realized I was trying to fill up the holes in my heart by taking care of other people’s kids. And living with you and Peyton, it made me feel like I was part of a family. I can see now how hard that all must have been for you too. I just thought I was the reason and held onto that belief because I didn’t know what the other side looked like for you.”

“There were a lot of reasons, Harley. What almost happened in the kitchen that night isn’t on you.” He raises my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckle. “I should have realized the lines were blurring, but I’d been so caught up in my grief and trying to keep my head above water. When you messaged after we moved, I wasn’t in a good place. The adjustment was hard. And by the time I was ready to reach out, it had been so long, and I felt like it was probably better for me to leave it and you alone. Let you move on with your life. I’m sorry it’s taken this long for me to tell you that. I can’t imagine how hard it all was for you.”

“It’s in the past. We can leave it there now.” There’s relief in getting that off my chest. I spent so much time feeling like I had been to blame, unable to see his side of things, and now the weight of that shame has finally lifted.

“We can start from here instead. Sound good?”

I smile. “It does.”

“Good. Do you want to get out of here?” He raises his free hand and asks the server for the bill.

Gavin laces our fingers together as we cross the parking lot to his car. We chat about his weekend plans with Peyton as we drive toward my place. “We could go to the park by my house tomorrow if you want,” I offer.

“You haven’t had enough of me yet?” Gavin asks.

“Not nearly.” I grin.

“Peyton would love that, and so would I.”

“It’s a date, then.” As we approach my building, I clutch my purse in my lap and point to the underground parking sign. “Do you want to come up for a drink?”

“I was hoping you would ask.” He pulls into the underground lot and parks in the visitor’s spot. We take the elevator to my apartment, and I unlock the door, ushering him inside before replacing the safety latch.

The last time he was here, I was still dating Chad. But that relationship feels like a lifetime ago. And this one … well, it feels like it’s already been a lifetime of waiting to get here.

Gavin stands in the front foyer, one hand shoved in his pocket, gaze flitting from me to the hallway.