Make Me Bad(58)

When his car door slams and he peels out of the parking lot, I’m still staring out at that goddamn beautiful tree.





We accept the love we think we deserve. I’ve heard that before. Maybe I read it on the inside of a crinkled chocolate wrapper, I don’t know, but it’s stuck in my brain the rest of the day. In a sense, it’s true. It’s how I’ve operated in the past. This time, with Madison, I’m reaching. Colten asked what I’ve done to deserve her—what do any of us do to deserve love? Love should be given freely. I want Madison, and I think she wants me. I don’t know. Two days with no communication means a lot could have changed. Maybe her family finally convinced her to leave me in the dust.

Maybe she realized she could do much better than me. She could turn heads and break hearts if only she put herself out there.

The idea kills me.

I go by the library later that day prepared for two scenarios. I have a document waiting for Madison’s signature, outlining that I’ll be switching my volunteer location from the library to the soup kitchen. If things don’t go the way I want them to, I won’t keep forcing myself into her life. I’ll give her space.

I purposely wait to go see her until it’s nearly closing time. I hate having to go to her work at all for something like this, but I can’t show up at her dad’s house, so this is really my only option.

She’s not at her desk when I walk in. I ring the bell but there’s still no sign of her. I hear a heavy thunk, like a box of books getting shuffled around, and I head toward the hallway that leads to the storage room. That’s where she is, tidying up.

She doesn’t notice me at first. Her hands are on her hips as she surveys the space, deciding what to do next. She’s wearing the white sweater dress I love, the same boots she wore to the beach. Her hair hangs in dark undone curls and when I knock on the doorframe, she jerks around to face me and pushes some of it behind her ear.

She’s as perfect and angelic as I’ve ever seen her. Her skin is the exact shade of the cream I pour into my coffee.

She’s a goddess and I’m undeserving of her.

That’s what everyone thinks.

Her eyes light up when she sees me. She doesn’t know what this is about. Right now, she just thinks I’m here to see her.

Without a word, she turns and walks toward me. She doesn’t stop until she’s right in front of me, her boots hitting the toes of my dress shoes. Her hands slide underneath my suit jacket and she wraps her arms around my middle. Then she lets her forehead fall to rest against my chest. I haven’t felt so much comfort from a hug since before my mom died.

“Hello,” she says softly.

“Hi.”

“My brother said he went to see you at work today.”

My only view is the top of her head.

“He did.”

“Was it terrible?”

“Wasn’t great,” I concede, careful to keep my hands off her.

She’s gripping me with everything she’s got and I’m holding her at arm’s length.

She must realize it because she steps back and nods.

“So then do it already. Say it.”

I frown.

She laughs like I disgust her. “You think by staying silent, you’re not speaking, but I hear it all loud and clear, Ben. So do it.” She whirls around and tosses her hands in the air. “God, it’s so predictable. You’re so predictable.”

I can’t lie to her. I can’t tell her I don’t want her or say I’m not falling in love with her. So, I settle for the simple truth. We have to get it all out if there’s any hope of moving forward. “I’m not the man you should be with.”

She fists her hands. “Of course you’re not! I’m sure my father said that. Colten too, yeah? I bet I can recite the whole conversation word for word and get most of it right. They warned you to stay away from me? Not to break my heart? Big deal! They’ve said that to every guy who’s ever walked into my life. You’re not special. You’re not any more ‘bad’ than the rest. You…you’re—”

She rears back and shoves me with everything she’s got, her hands pushing against my chest until I hit the wall behind me.

“You’re a coward,” she says, spitting venom. “You’re scared.”

She’s a ball of rage.

I grip hold of her biceps to keep her fists from pounding on my chest. “Of course I’m scared! I care about you,” I say, voice booming. “I want life to be easy for you. I want you to be happy. You said yourself you want to be with a man your family approves of.”

“Well guess what?! I fell for you instead!” She groans with everything she’s got and then flings my arms off her. “I’m so mad I can’t even think straight.”

“Tell me the way forward then,” I say, coming up behind her, turning her around so she has to look up at me. I want her looking in my eyes as she lays out her master plan. “Tell me how this works. You defy your father and keep sneaking out of your house to see me? I want more than that, Madison. I want—”

Before I can even finish that sentence, she’s on me, pushing me up against the wall, crashing her mouth against mine. I’m so angry I could shred her clothes, pull her hair, bite that lip. Clearly, so is she. I’ve had enough with the games and the silly shit. No more pushing her out of her comfort zone under the guise of a birthday resolution. No more pretending what we have is just a friendship.