Mack Daddy(28)

He surprised me when he said, “I know, you’re Frankie Four Eyes.”

“You do, huh?”

“I won’t say anything.”

“Okay.” I smiled. “You know what else, Jonah? I was also really shy around people, too. Just like you.”

“How did you get to become a teacher, then?”

“Well, for me, I tend to get nervous around other grown ups. Even still to this day, sometimes.”

“What do you do when that happens?”

“I deal with it until the funny feelings pass. They always do. And I never run from things that make me uncomfortable. Kind of like how we’ve been having you stay in the class when you ask to leave. Have you noticed you haven’t been asking to leave as often?”

He nodded.

“That’s because you’ve stuck it out enough times now that you’ve learned there’s really nothing to be afraid of.”

Jonah seemed to ponder that.

“Anyway, the lesson here is that it’s okay to be different, and it’s okay to not love being around people all of the time. What’s important is that you try—not for them—but for yourself.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks for the talk.” I smiled. “You still have a few minutes of recess left if you want to go back outside, or you can stay and hang in here with me.”

He decided to stay. I’d left Jonah’s family portrait on his desk. I watched as he sat down, stared at it for a while then picked up his crayon and altered it somehow.

I’d notice later that he’d switched his frown to a smile.





I don’t know what finally possessed me that particular night to tell Victor about Mack. But it was time.

The guilt had finally worn me down. Even though I hadn’t technically done anything wrong, I’d been so preoccupied over the past several weeks. It’s not easy to hide an obsession from someone you live with day in and day out. Every night, he’d ask me whether something was bothering me, and I’d always tell him it was school-related and nothing more. Victor was probably the person I respected most in the entire world; he deserved better than to be lied to.

After I’d given him the full story of my history with Mack, my boyfriend’s reaction further proved why I’d fallen for him in the first place.

“You still have feelings for him.”

“I don’t exactly understand what they mean. They could just be feelings of nostalgia.”

“But you’re confused.”

“Yes.”

“You know your happiness means everything to me, right?”

“I know you really mean that. I’m just not sure if I deserve it.”

“Francesca, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt that I deserve you. You’re young and beautiful…nurturing and intelligent. I go to sleep every night feeling like the luckiest man alive to be sleeping next to you.” He smiled. “And when your mood allows, getting to make love to you.” But I wake up every morning unsure of whether that day will be the day you figure out that you could do better. Or that maybe you’d prefer being with someone closer to your own age. The one thing I am sure of is that I don’t want you here if you don’t want to be. I love you enough to let you work this out if that’s what you need.”

The only man who’d ever really made me feel safe was offering to distance himself from me. That didn’t exactly sit well.

“I don’t want to go anywhere, Vic.”

“I’ll always take care of you if that’s what you want. I’ll always want you in my life, but only as long as I can make you happy. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes. You do make me happy. You always have.”

That was the truth.

“Since we’re being honest with each other tonight, I actually have something I need to talk to you about.”

My heart began to race. “Okay…”

“You remember that program that B.U. was trying to get going with Oxford?”

“Yes?”

“Well, last week, they offered me the opportunity to spearhead it in London for the first year.”

“Oh.”

“I turned them down, Francesca.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think it would be possible for you to leave your job and come with me. So, it wasn’t an option for me to leave you. If, by some chance, you don’t plan on being around next year, I would take the position. But in case there’s any question, I’d rather have you. Nothing is more important to me. I just thought you should know about the offer.”

Knowing that he so readily gave up a dream position for me made me feel horrible given the fact that I was basically hung up on another man.

“I love you, Francesca. I hope that’s enough for you.”

“I love you, Vic.” I truly did love him. My feelings for him may not have been fueled by the same crazy passion I’d once felt toward Mack, but they were real just the same.

Victor eyes were sincere. “Thank you for being honest with me.”

Nothing got resolved that night. If anything, I was more confused as to why I was still pining over a man who’d left me years ago when I had one who worshipped me right under my nose.