Loving Mr. Daniels(51)

“Ryan, what is that exactly?” I asked, curiosity finally pushing me far enough to want to question him about his fake cigarette habit.
He eyed his fingers, which were holding an invisible cigarette. A frown found his lips and he placed his hands on the table. “When I was thirteen, I told my dad I thought I was gay.”
My heart stopped beating at the mention of his dad. I’d never heard him or Hailey ever talk about their father before.
Ryan continued. “I cried and cried because we went to church, ya know? And Mom believed in hell. She still does, of course. She would tell us how sinning was wrong, how bad-doers would go to hell. So I knew how I was feeling wasn’t right. I wasn’t right.”
Oh, Ryan…
“Dad told me it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. I was his kid and he loved me. He said he would talk to Mom, and I begged him not to. I begged him to keep it between us. A few nights later, I sat at the top of the staircase in our house and listened to them fight. About me. He told her that he thought I might be gay but never stated it as a fact.” Ryan narrowed his eyes, looking at his fingers. “She called him a liar and a bunch of bullshit things. I guess she accused him of cheating on her, too. Which was stupid. He would never…” He paused. “She told him to leave. To never come back. I rushed to my bedroom. From my window, I watched him walk outside to the front of the house. He lit up a cigarette and started smoking it, running his hands through his hair. Then he got into his car and left.”
“He didn’t come back?” I asked, my gut tangled in knots.
“The headline was, um…” He narrowed his eyes, tracking back into his memory. “Paul Turner, father of two, dies in a horrific car accident on the corner of Jefferson Avenue and Pine Street.”
The guilt and blame was strong in Ryan’s words. His fingers lifted the invisible cigarette and he rested it between his lips.
“It wasn’t your fault, Ryan.”
He held his fingers up and stared at them. “The cigarette box is a reminder of why my secret is a secret. All it does is hurt people. I take the box everywhere I go.”
Our conversation came to a halt when Hailey came over in a hurry. She slammed her tray down on the table. “Sorry I’m late.”
I looked up, saw Theo walking into the lunchroom, and gagged. I still hated him.
“We’re back on.” Hailey smiled brightly. “I apologized for being a controlling girlfriend, and he said our spirits could still travel together.”
“You apologized?!” I whined, perplexed.
“You don’t understand, Ashlyn. I love him.”
Love? I was starting to wonder what that word meant. It seemed that people tossed it around to everyone nowadays. Myself included.
Ryan ignored his sister, not pleased with her choices. I had to admit that I was a bit disappointed, too.
He turned back to me.  “It was Jake, wasn’t it? Did Jake give you that hickey?” I blushed.
“No.”
“But he wants to give you a hickey?”
“Yes.”
“And…the boy who did give it to you is…”
I frowned. “No longer in the picture.”






Lost.
~ Romeo’s Quest


I sat on the edge of the dock, watching the sun shine down on the lake. I felt defeated, tired, drained. It seemed that every time a moment of happiness appeared, the shadows came back to shallow it up. Life wasn’t fair, and I felt like a dumbass for thinking that it should be. But I wanted it to be. I needed life to be fair, just for a little while. Because I needed her.
Ashlyn was the only thing that fought away the darkness.
The footsteps heard behind me were heavy. I knew it was him before he even spoke. I was the one who’d called him and told him to meet me here.
“It feels weird being back here.” I turned to see Jace walking my way. His hands were stuffed in his pockets. He walked over and sat next to me. “I haven’t been back since Mom…” His words faded. He placed his fingers in the water, creating ripples from his touch. He infected the water without even knowing it. Because that’s what Jace did—destroyed things, people. He never tried to, but he always did. “I saw Randy inside. He’s living here, too?” I didn’t reply. “He said you guys are at Joe’s bar performing twice a month?”
Coughing, I cleared my throat. “What are you doing here? What do you want?” I asked, feeling my body start to heat up from his arrival. Whenever Jace came around, doom wasn’t too far away.
He turned my way, wiping his wet hands across his jeans. His eyes were perplexed by my question. “I’m back to find out who killed Mom, Danny. And I’m a little shocked that you haven’t tried to do any damn thing about it after you had me locked up!”
My voice rose rapidly. “I had you locked up—” I sighed and took a breath. I’d played our reunion over and over again in my head for months. I had hoped he would have figured out why I’d had him put away, why I’d had no other choice. “I had you locked up because you would’ve been next, Jace. You would have come up with some stupid-ass revenge plan and gotten yourself killed.”
“I’m not stupid,” he hissed. “I could’ve handled—”
“You could’ve handled what?! Tracking down the * who killed Mom right over there?!” The palms of my hands pushed into the side of the dock, and I leaped up. Jace stood up almost faster than I did. “Maybe you could have pissed off some more f*cking thugs and had them kill Dad and me before they ripped you apart, too!”