Loving Me, Trusting You(20)

When she falls to her knees before me and takes my cock into her mouth, I wonder if things will ever change, if they'll ever be different, if Mireya will ever love me the way I love her.

As she slides that perfect mouth along my cock, teases my balls with her fingers and whispers curse words against my skin, I know that I don't rightly give a f*ck. If I have to chase after her forever, then I'll do it. After all, what's the fun in catching something that's easy? It's all about the challenge, ain't it?

I come inside Mireya's mouth and I whisper the words in my head that I don't dare to say aloud.

I love you, Mireya f*cking Sawyer.





I slept with Gaine even though I knew it was a bad idea. Something was different about last night. Something is different about me, and I don't f*cking like it. Damn you, Tray. Cock sucker. Fuck wad. Pendejo. I run my hands down my face and stare at myself in the mirror. I wish the * had a grave, so I could go and dance on it, maybe spit at the dirt and swear a lot. Instead, his body's probably been swept up by the police, quickly cremated and forgotten about. Nobody pushes hard to find out who murdered a loser f*cking criminal. Still, I know that it's his death that's doing this to me, making me act so strange, so … vulnerable. I shiver. Vulnerable is not a good place to be, not for anyone, especially not for a woman in a world of bikers.

I slide my red lipstick across my mouth and promise myself that the heavy makeup isn't a mask, that I don't use it to hide how I'm feeling inside. Might be a lie, but it makes me feel better. I pucker my lips and slide my finger into my mouth to remove any excess before grabbing my jacket and heading out the door.

With my fingers clamped around the handle I pause and glance back at Gaine.

He's still sleeping, lying out naked on his back with a damn hard-on. Staring at his sleeping face, his stubbled jaw, his fall of dark hair, I almost, almost feel a smile twitch my lips. At the last second I manage to push it back, muttering under my breath about the young, useless piece of ass that was crowding my bed last night.

When I get into the hallway, I see that Amy Cross is already waiting for me.

“I was just about to knock,” she says with a smile. I stare at her, and I don't bother to hide my distaste. She might think I hate her because Austin likes her better than me. While I'm not going to lie and say that I don't feel any animosity towards her for that, it isn't why I feel so angry when I look at her. Amy might not have had a perfect life, but she had an okay one, and she threw it away to come live this life. While I can't deny that the open road has its appeal, that wind in your face and metal between your thighs is its own sort of heaven, I can tell you that I wouldn't have given up a cushy existence to come out here completely unprepared and vulnerable. Amy Cross is like a sitting duck, waiting to be manipulated. If she were to be kidnapped by another gang, I don't even want to think about what would happen to her. So I'm pissed off. I'm pissed at her, at Austin, at the world. I'm just mad about freaking everything, so I take it out on everyone. It might not be right, but that's where I'm at for the time being.

“Where's Austin?” I snap at her, taking in her obviously new jeans, her crisp T-shirt. Somebody went clothing shopping this morning. I frown and try not to let my face go into an all out scowl. Once it gets there, it's hard to pull it back. Little Amy with the heart shaped face might not be able to handle my full wrath. She looks over her shoulder at the cracked door across the hall. Inside, I can hear Kimmi and Austin arguing about something in low voices.

Fucking bank robbers.

Jesus, who would have known?

“So what, I'm supposed to take you to this bar?” I quip, wrinkling my nose and checking the tire iron I shoved into the back of my jeans. I've got a knife in the front pocket and a hand covered in rings, just in case. I'm prepared for anything at anytime. Bested by Crows will be back, and they will be looking for me. If they catch me off guard, I will suffer, no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Amy nods and tucks some hair behind her ear. I hate the way she always looks at the floor before meeting my gaze. I want to tell myself it's because she's so submissive, that she's afraid to look at me, but I don't think that's it at all. I think she's gathering herself, pulling her thoughts into an organized procession, so that she knows how to look, how to react. It's a good skill, one that I'm pretty f*cking certain I don't have or will ever have.

“Just me and you?” I ask and she opens her mouth to respond.

“Nah, sugar pie, you got me!”

I roll my eyes to the ceiling and glance over at Beck. He's strutting down the hallway like the piece of shit ginger f*ck that he is, grinning from ear to ear and looking like the cat that got the cream.

“And Gaine if he's up for it.” I look over my shoulder and make sure the door is closed firmly behind me. I'd like to stay away from Gaine Kelley for the day if at all possible. I look back at Beck. His goatee is gone, shaved clean away for the first time in probably three years. His shirt is soaked in sweat and I'm pretty sure it's the same one he was wearing last night.

“He's asleep. Leave him the f*ck alone.” Beck laughs at me and even elbows Amy who gets real wide-eyed and doe like. I glare at Austin's friend and it isn't difficult for me to remember why, despite his physical perfection, we've never slept together. Ay, qué idiota! “And why the hell are you hairless all of a sudden?” I gesture at my chin while Beck's grin grows to grotesque proportions, stretching across his sunburnt face like a disease.