Lovely Trigger(9)

I couldn’t even look at her when I asked it. What may have happened right under my drugged out nose made me ashamed.

I felt responsible enough for the boy already. From the day Dahlia had called me and told me she was pregnant and that the baby had no father, I’d taken her and her child under my wing. A sense of duty drove me in that. She was, after all, my kid sister by law. Divorce hadn’t changed that for me. That divorce hadn’t changed any part of my heart, except to break parts of it. As the baby had grown into a little blond boy that I couldn’t fail to recognize, my sense that this was my responsibility had only grown stronger.

“He drugged me. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone when it happened, so you can imagine my shock when I found out I was pregnant.”

I flinched. “I’m so sorry for that. I wasn’t myself at the time, but I would have tried my best to prevent that, if I could have.”

“I know. You did try. Every time you saw him so much as talk to me, you took him to task. I’m grateful that you tried to protect me. No one besides Danika has ever done that for me before.”

“Well, I failed, and I’m sorry for that.”

“But you tried, with the best of intentions, and I needed that, needed someone to be protective of me. It meant a lot. Tristan, I—“

I stopped her, because I knew what was coming, and some things were better left unsaid. “Dahlia—“

She ignored the warning in my voice, plunging ahead. “I’m in love with you. I’m sure you already knew that, but I needed to say it out loud. And what you’ve done for Jack, how you’ve been there for him, helping us financially, how you come to visit without fail, it means so much to me. To us.”

“Dahlia, I’m in love with your sister,” I said, my tone flat. It was best to handle this once and for all, now that it was out in the open. “I always will be. I’m very sorry. You will find someone, someone that can love you back, but it is not me.”

She threw her arms around me, held on tight, and kissed me, her skinny body rubbing against mine.

I held perfectly still, letting her carry on for a solid minute. All the while, I felt nothing. Not a stirring, not even the vaguest tendril of interest. This is what it’s like to have your sister kiss you, I thought.

Finally, she pulled back, panting. I could see by her hurt eyes that I’d made my point. There’d been no clearer way to show her that I could not be interested in her, of all people.

“You’re a beautiful girl. Sweet and kind. You need to let go of this idea. It will never be what you want it to. It’s holding you back. I’m here for you, as a brother, as a friend, and you know I’m here for Jack. I love that boy like he’s my own blood. But I can’t be more for you. I hope you understand now.”

She nodded, her lips trembling. “How can you still love her so much? She won’t even talk to you.”

“Because that’s how love works. It doesn’t die, even when you don’t feed it. That’s just the way it is. I wouldn’t change it, even if I could. Loving her has become a part of who I am.”

“It’s so unfair,” she said sullenly, taking a big step away from me.

That it was.

I found myself calling Adair that night, though the thought never fully formed of what I was doing before it blurted out of my mouth. “You know Dahlia’s kid, Jack?” I asked him without even a greeting. I hadn’t talked to him in ages, and the band had been broken up for years.

“Dean’s kid,” he mused back, unfazed by the rude start. “Nice to hear from you, Tristan. I was just talking to Kenny the other day. We talked about the four of us meeting up again, seeing if we still had it.”

That gave me pause, but I continued. “I’ve had my suspicions, but I just found out that Dahlia wasn’t a willing participant in the conception. Did you know anything about this?”

“God, no!” he answered quickly and with conviction. I believed him instantly. He was a good guy, though he suffered from addiction, as well. He’d done his own stint in rehab about a year after I had. As far as I knew, he’d stayed sober, too. “That f*cker. I should have known, but I honestly thought he’d suckered her into hooking up with him. I didn’t know he was a rapist, man. I wouldn’t have worked with him if I’d had a f*cking clue, you can be sure of that. I always knew she was too f*cking innocent for him. Fuuuuck, that messes me up.”

“Yeah, it’s hard to take, that we were there and didn’t stop it.”

“Yeah, it is. I can guarantee Cory and Kenny were clueless, too. None of us would have let a thing like that slide. You have to know that.”

I had. I’d just needed to hear it out loud. “Ignorance is no excuse. We owe that poor girl, Adair, and that kid doesn’t have a father. The least we can do—“

“I couldn’t agree more. I’ll call her today. I just, I don’t know, I thought there was something between the two of you. I know she always had a thing for you, right from the start. Didn’t want to step on your territory.”

“She’s like a kid sister to me. I have no claim there. Not my territory.”

“So you don’t mind if…?”

“You can ask her out. But treat her right. I would take it real personal if you put her through more pain that she’s already been through. You understand?”