Love in the Light (Hearts in Darkness, #2)(33)
But all of that fell away as an image appeared on the screen and a fast beat rung out in the room.
“Hello, little one,” the doctor said, taking some measurements on the monitor.
Tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump.
“Is that the heart beat?” Makenna asked, the sound planting itself inside her chest and squeezing.
Dr. Lyons smiled as she made some adjustments with the ultrasound wand. “It sure is. Sounds perfectly normal, too.”
“It’s supposed to be that fast?” Makenna’s gaze locked on the screen where the doctor had zooned in on a grainy, peanut-shaped object with tiny nubs protruding from the sides.
In her mind, she heard her father calling her peanut, and now she knew why.
That was her baby and he was totally a little peanut. Well, he or she.
“Based on the measurements here you’re nine weeks and three days along, and your estimated due date is July seventh. Everything looks to be progressing normally.” Dr. Lyons smiled. “So I think you’re safe to share your news.”
Makenna couldn’t pull her gaze away from the screen. Suddenly, the whole situation crashed down on her and she caught her breath as tears pricked her eyes. “This is so incredible. I wish I’d brought him now.”
“There will be plenty more to share with him, including more scans,” the doctor said as she removed the wand. The image stayed on the screen. “And I’ll send you away with parting gifts.” The imagining machine made a whirring sound and spit out a strip of paper. Dr. Lyons handed it to her.
Pictures of their peanut. Makenna pressed them to her heart, any uncertainty she might’ve felt about having a baby disappearing. “I can’t wait to show him. So everything’s okay?”
“Yep. I want to put you on pre-natal vitamins and we’ll get you set up with your pre-natal appointments. We’ll see you back in four weeks.” The doctor discussed some pregnancy dos and don’ts and gave her some information sheets to take home. God, there was a lot to learn about all this, wasn’t there?
When they were done, the doctor walked to the door, then turned back with a smile. “Have fun telling your boyfriend tonight. I hope it goes great.”
“Thanks,” Makenna said. Dr. Lyons left, and Makenna slid off the table. Looking down at the pictures, she just felt so amazed and overwhelmed and excited. “I hope it goes great, too.”
*
As Caden climbed the five flights of steps up to Makenna’s apartment, he felt like years had passed since he’d last been there. He certainly felt like he’d aged years since he’d last been there.
What a wasted wreck he’d been the past few days. His PTSD hadn’t flared like this for years. For most of the weekend, he hadn’t slept, and when he had, the nightmares had been torturous. His mind was like a maze full of dark corners and dead-ends and looming shadows. He’d had no appetite, and the two times he’d tried to eat, he’d thrown it back up again. Luckily, Makenna had left on Sunday evening before he’d lost the soup and crackers she’d brought him. Aches racked his body like he really had been sick, and he’d had a non-stop headache since Friday night that made it hard to think.
All of which was why he was hoofing it up the steps. In the lobby, he’d stood in front of the open elevator door for a long moment before his central nervous system had threatened a full-on lock-down, and he’d known he just couldn’t get in that little box. No matter how short a ride it would be. That’s how out of control his bullshit was right now.
The last twenty-four hours had been his first shift back to work, and getting out of bed to get his ass down to the station had taken Herculean effort. Not to mention making it through the shift itself. It felt like he was walking through molasses-filled air that made his limbs heavy and his muscles tired.
He’d finally given in and made an appointment with his doctor.
As he stepped out into the fifth-floor hallway, Caden recalled feeling this bad once before.
When he’d been eighteen. During the weeks leading up to high school graduation, when he hadn’t yet known exactly what he was going to do with his life but had at least known he couldn’t keep living with his bitter shell of a father. The uncertainty of the situation and his father’s near-total abdication of parental responsibility for or interest in Caden had been bad enough. But it was also what would’ve been Sean’s sixteenth birthday, and the combination sent Caden into a downward spiral that had ultimately resulted in a diagnosis of depression.
And f*ck if Caden wasn’t feeling the similarities with that time more than he wanted to admit.
It felt like such a colossal defeat after having held himself together for so long. And now everything seemed to be coming apart at the seams.
It was all almost more than he could bear. And didn’t that make him feel weak and worthless. He was better than this. He should be better than this. Sonofabitch.
He slid his key into the lock on the apartment door, eager to see Makenna. It had helped seeing her Sunday night, when she’d been so sweet as to bring him that care package. She was the light to Caden’s darkness and had been since they’d been trapped in that elevator. If anyone could take some of the weight off his shoulders, if anyone could make it easier for him to breathe, it would be her.
Stepping into the apartment, he was instantly surrounded by the rich, spicy smell of tomato sauce, and for the first time in days, he actually felt hungry. “Red? I’m home,” he called.