Love, Chloe(83)
Squeezing Bea tightly as we rocked back and forth, I listened to him sing song after song that I’d never heard before. I hadn’t realized that he performed only original songs on this tour and no covers. It made me feel like I’d missed so much in never having heard most of these songs. I’d close my eyes from time to time, enjoying the sound waves of his guitar strings vibrating through me as I deciphered all of the lyrics.
I sat there for that first forty minutes in awe of him: the way his fingers worked the instrument with speedy precision, the way his voice could change depending on the song, the way he could mesmerize hundreds of people with nothing but his smoky voice, a guitar and microphone.
Justin had mentioned that this opening act was only about forty-five minutes, so I knew we were nearing the end.
He spoke into the mic, “Tonight is special for several reasons, not only because this marks the end of our tour, but also because we’re here in my second favorite place in the world, New York. This was my home up until recently. My new home is on an island with the love of my life and my daughter. After tonight, I get to go home after a long time away from them. But the biggest reason tonight is special, is because my daughter is here. Bea, thank you for teaching me that sometimes the thing we fear more than anything, is really what our soul craves the most. This last song is one I finally finished. It took me a while because of how important it was to me, because I wrote it for her. It’s called, Bea-u-tiful Girl.”
I immediately recognized the opening melody as the same song programmed inside of the music box he had made.
Then, he started to sing, and I was a goner.
My soul was sick, but you were the cure.
Never before felt a love so pure.
That thing I once feared the most,
Now turns my heart to toast.
Bea-u-tiful Girl,
I didn’t make you, but you were made for me.
Bea-u-tiful Girl,
Thank you for helping me see,
The way life was meant to be.
With every one of your cries,
A part of my heart dies.
But you’ll smile at me and then,
Put it back together again.
Bea-u-tiful Girl,
I didn’t make you, but you were made for me.
Bea-u-tiful Girl,
Thank you for helping me see,
The way life was meant to be.
An angel in disguise,
Is reflected in the eyes,
Of a little Bumblebee.
Thank you for choosing me.
Bea-u-tiful Girl,
I didn’t make you, but you were made for me.
Bea-u-tiful Girl,
Thank you for helping me see,
The way life was meant to be.
When the song finished, Justin received a standing ovation. My eyes were stinging from tears of joy. His writing that song for her touched me on so many levels. I wished so much that she could understand the words.
Justin disappeared from sight as they shut down the stage for a bit to set up for Calvin. My badge was supposed to give me backstage access, but we hadn’t discussed logistics. I wasn’t sure if I should try to go back there now, or wait for a text from him, maybe watch some of Calvin’s performance.
Anxious to see him and tell him how much I loved the song, I lifted myself and Bea out of the seat and made my way down the long center aisle to the entrance. An usher directed us to the backstage entrance. A large security guard greeted me there.
“Do you have a badge?”
Flashing it, I said, “Yes. I’m Justin Banks’ girlfriend, and this is his daughter.”
He examined the badge again more closely and stepped aside, gesturing behind him. “Right this way. He’s in dressing room four.”
The door was cracked open, and it shocked me to find that Justin wasn’t alone. I immediately moved to the side so that I could avoid being seen while I listened to their conversation.
“I hope you don’t mind my coming here,” she said. “When I heard you were playing in town, I just had to see you. I contacted Steve, and he gave me a backstage pass.”
“Of course, I don’t mind. It’s really good to see you, Jade.”
Even though a little bit of jealousy was creeping in, it wasn’t anything like what it used to be. My confidence in his feelings toward me now overrode that insecurity. Still, it was always going to be uncomfortable for me to think about Justin and Jade, given all of my memories of them together.
“I just need to talk to you, Justin. Steve told me you were with Amelia now, and I just…to be honest, I’m shocked. And then the song you sang…”
“I’m sorry, Jade. I should’ve been the one to tell you the news. I didn’t want to hurt you any more than I already had.”
“So, apparently…you did want children. Just not mine?”
“I didn’t expect to fall in love with that baby girl.”
“But you did see falling in love with her mother coming a mile away. When we lived together, you made it seem like you hated her. It wasn’t hate at all, was it? I should have known. No one acts like that toward someone unless they care too much.”
“There was no way you could have known, because I kept it inside. It was complicated then. During those early days, I fought my feelings for her. I really did. I wanted things to work between you and me. I didn’t think I’d end up with Amelia. But yes, the animosity toward her was a result of other deep-rooted feelings I couldn’t control. It was very complicated.”