Love, Chloe(69)

“I’m sort of in love with my roommate, actually. He’s currently on tour. A musician. I totally understand jealousy.”

She pulled up a chair and sat down. “Oh man. You want to talk about it?”

“Do you drink tea?”

“I do. I’d love some.”

Susan and I became fast friends that night. I opened up to her about my history with Justin, and she offered to help me out with Bea if I ever needed a babysitter. She said Alyssa would get a kick out of watching Bea with her. It made me thankful that nothing ever did happen between Roger and me, because that would have made things awkward.

I had to admit, when she first showed, finding out that Roger was back with his wife made me feel even more alone. But that selfish thought was quickly replaced by the happiness brought on by a newfound female friendship, something my life had been seriously lacking.

***

Susan and I hung out regularly. She encouraged me to try new things and to get out more. I joined a Mommy and Me class with Bea and started utilizing the daycare at the gym to be able to work out a few times a week. I was doing the best I could in developing a new routine with Justin gone.

The daylight hours were becoming more bearable; nighttime was the tough part. With Bea asleep and Justin busiest in the evenings, I always felt the most alone when darkness fell.

Late one night, around midnight, a text came in.



Justin: We’re in Boise. One of the crew members is from here and brought his baby into the bus before the show tonight. It made me miss Bea even more.



Amelia: We miss you too.



Justin: The tour is stopping in Worcester Massachusetts in a couple of weeks. What are the chances you could come see me?



That was only a little over an hour away from me. It would be the closest and only tour stop anywhere near Newport for the remainder of his time away.



Amelia: I don’t think the noise and environment would be good for Bea. But maybe I can find a sitter.



It was likely that Susan could watch Bea for me, but I specifically hadn’t told Justin about her for selfish reasons. I quite liked his jealousy toward Roger. It was the only upper hand I had at the moment. So, I decided to keep the information of their reconciliation to myself for a while.



Justin: I agree. It would be too loud and crazy for her.



Amelia: I’ll work on it.



Justin: It’s only one night unfortunately. The bus leaves for Philly sometime after the show.



Amelia: Fingers crossed I can make it.



Justin: It’s not just Bea I miss.



My heart fluttered.



Amelia: I miss you too.



Justin: Sweet dreams.



Amelia: xo

***

Since it was unclear whether I would be able to secure a babysitter in order to see Justin in Massachusetts, he’d sent me a laminated backstage pass that would allow me exclusive access in the event something came through at the last minute. He said he wasn’t sure he’d be available to greet me if and when I arrived. Having the card would be a safer bet in case he was in the middle of a sound check or even in the middle of performing depending on how late I got there.

I wasn’t going to know until the last minute whether I would be able to make it, since my only babysitter option was Susan. She happened to have an important appointment in Boston that day that she couldn’t cancel. Depending on traffic, she wasn’t sure if she’d make it back in time.

It was the day of the concert, and I was getting really antsy. I’d toyed with the idea of driving up there with Bea during the day, but that was no longer an option, since she’d come down with a cold. Taking her out in the freezing weather and to a crowded venue like that was not a good idea; she could catch pneumonia.

By the time evening rolled around, Susan called from the road to say that she’d gotten stuck in traffic and hadn’t even made it out of Boston’s Ted Williams Tunnel yet. At that point, I knew I would miss the start of the show if I were lucky enough to make it at all. I was honestly heartbroken. This was my one chance to see Justin for the entire tour. It didn’t seem fair.

Nevertheless, I had gotten myself dressed up anyway, continuing to hold out hope. Donning a short and tight satin blue dress with black lace accents, I looked more like a lingerie model than a stay-at-home mom. In the event that I got to see him tonight, I wanted to knock his socks off. I was, after all, competing with an entire world of models and groupies vying for his attention. That thought made my stomach turn as I curled my hair into long, loose tendrils and put on my matte plum lipstick. Something told me all of this effort was in vain, but I needed to be prepared to fly out the door if Susan ever made it back here. When the clock struck eight, it became clear I was going to miss his performance no matter what happened.

At eight-forty-five, Justin called right before he had to report to the stage.

“No luck?” he asked.

“I’m so sorry. I wanted to make it work so badly, but she’s not here yet. There’s no way I’ll get there in time tonight.” My voice was shaky, but I refused to cry or else my mascara would have run down my face.

“Fuck, Amelia. I’m not gonna lie. This is a major disappointment. I was looking forward to seeing you so much. It was what got me through this week. Of course, I understand though. Bea comes first. Always. Kiss her for me. I hope she feels better.”