Love, Chloe(48)

He was right.

As my head hit the pillow that night, I’d never felt more confused about what tomorrow would hold.





CHAPTER 13


Every evening when the door would open, I would cringe, wondering if that night would be the one where he finally brought a woman home with him. I kept preparing myself for it. Justin was a very sexual person. Jade always used to reference his insatiable appetite. That would always make me want to vomit.

He wasn’t going to be celibate forever.

It wasn’t a question of if he brought someone home; it was when. Each time he’d walk in alone would be a bigger relief than the last, though.

The days were passing, and with each one, I wondered how much longer this peaceful camaraderie between us would continue.

Bea was getting bigger every day. She was now finally rolling over. That meant being very careful when changing her diaper because she easily could fall off the table. Now that I was pumping milk, it made it a lot easier to leave the house from time to time. Justin would watch Bea for little stints while I ran errands. I referred to him as Uncle Justin around her. He seemed to be happy with that. It was a safe title and made it clear that I wasn’t expecting him to have a bigger role in her life. He would likely always be Uncle Justin to her. I vowed to learn to accept that.

The best part of my day continued to be mornings when Justin and I would sit in the kitchen with Bea and have our coffee together. The weirdo was still using my pumped milk as a cream replacement, though. At first, I thought he was continuing the habit just to be funny, but the longer it went on, the more it became clear that he truly liked the taste.

As he poured some out of a bottle into his coffee, I asked, “You think that’s completely normal?”

“I’d rather drink from you than some random cow. Think about it. You’re the one that stopped eating meat after a similar realization.”

“Okay, but despite that, you do realize the average person would find your drinking breast milk very bizarre.”

“No. Bizarre would be if I stood in line while you were feeding her and asked to go next.”

That actually made me chuckle. “True, but what’s gonna happen when you start dating someone? You think she’s going to accept you drinking another woman’s breast milk? Or even that you had in the past?”

“I’ll worry about that when I have to.”

It felt like a good opportunity to pry. “So, you’re not seeing anyone?”

He glanced at me from over his mug with amusement in his eyes. “I’m pretty sure you know the answer to that, Amelia. If I’m not here, then I’m at Sandy’s, and then I come home. When would I be seeing said person?”

“I know. I guess I’m just confused.”

He slammed the ceramic mug down on the granite. “Okay. Explain why you’re confused.”

“You’re obviously extremely attractive. You’re a musician on top of that. You have women literally throwing themselves at you. It’s been a month since you broke up with Jade. I keep expecting you to walk in here with someone. That’s all.”

“You think I’m a manwhore when I’m single…”

“I’ve only experienced you with a girlfriend, so I don’t really know.”

He placed his hands on the table and leaned into me. What he said next gave me the chills. “I love to f*ck. LOVE it. More than anything.” Those words went straight to my loins. He sat back and crossed his arms. “But the more experience I have, the more I realize that you have to be careful out there. I don’t sleep around anymore like I used to.”

I decided to mess with him. “That’s interesting that you say that because I was thinking that casual sex may be my only option.”

He nearly spit out his coffee. “Oh really?”

“Yeah. You actually helped with that realization.”

“Did I, now? I’d like to hear this.”

“Think about it. Like you were saying…any man that’s going to end up with me has to be in it for the long haul. It takes a really long time to figure that stuff out, right? I can’t be celibate forever while I wait to see if Mr. Right wants to be a father to my daughter. I, too, like to f*ck.”

His eyes widened. “I see.”

“Although in recent years, I haven’t slept around, it might be better for me at this point in my life to just have meaningless sex with a trusted person who’s on the same page. He’d have to be clean of course, have all the proper tests.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“I’m dead serious.”

I was starting to become a little convinced of my own argument. It did make some sense.

He mocked, “And where exactly are you gonna find this man who is just looking for casual f*cking but also happens to be a clean, respectable person that you can bring around your daughter? Oh, and this guy is apparently not sleeping with anyone else at the same time? Yeah. That makes sense.”

“I wouldn’t be bringing any man around Bea unless it was serious. So, he wouldn’t be getting to know my daughter.”

“Where would you be meeting up with said man then?”

“Hotels.”

“Who’s going to be watching Bea when you’re f*cking this guy in a motel?”