Love Your Life(95)

“It’s fine,” he says, and I feel a flare of frustration.

“Who says it’s fine? Did you know Genevieve’s planning to hang out with you in Tokyo? Even your grandpa thinks you’re going!”

“Well, they’re wrong,” says Matt.

    “Then tell them!”

“Canapé?” A waitress interrupts us, proffering a tray. “We have mini Yorkshire puddings with beef or spicy fish rolls.”

“No thanks,” I say, as Matt takes a fish roll. “I’m vegetarian.”

“Vegetarian?” The waitress surveys me in alarm. “We weren’t told there was a vegetarian guest. I’m not sure…”

Matt sighs. “Sorry, Ava. I’ll talk to my mother.”

“No, no,” I say hurriedly. “It’s fine. I’ll just have some vegetables.”

“Right.” The waitress still looks anxious. “Only, the vegetables are poached in chicken stock and finished with a veal glaze.”

Of course they are. I expect the profiteroles are garnished with pork pies.

“Please don’t worry,” I say. “I’ll have…Is there a parsley garnish? I’ll have that.”

The waitress moves off, still looking troubled, and Matt says, “Sorry. This is my fault. I should have reminded my parents you were vegetarian.”

“It’s OK,” I say automatically. But deep down, I feel as though nothing’s OK. I feel…what exactly?

Hurt, I suddenly realize. I’m hurt by Genevieve’s goading and Matt’s parents’ indifference to me and Matt’s refusal to deal with this Japan situation. I’m even hurt on Ronald’s behalf.

As I’m examining these feelings, one by one, Matt’s parents come up, both flushed in the face.

“Wonderful show!” exclaims Elsa to Matt, ignoring me completely. “They loved you, Matthias! And Genevieve was a rock star! This new project of hers will be tremendous. The Japanese fan base is so passionate….” She shakes her head wonderingly. “Well, you’ll find out yourself, Matthias, when you’re out there—”

    “Matt’s not going to Japan.” My voice utters the words before I can stop it.

For a second no one moves. Elsa looks thunderstruck, and I feel a small flurry of nerves mixed with glee.

“Yes!” I continue, trying to sound like I’m just being chatty rather than landing a bombshell. “We were talking about it and Matt said he didn’t want to go. Didn’t you, Matt?”

Matt’s silent, and my stomach plunges.

“At least, that’s the impression I got….” I glance desperately at Matt, but he doesn’t even meet my eye.

“Yes, well,” says Elsa, her face closing up tightly. “We’ll discuss all these matters another time. Enjoy your lunch.” She shoots me a flinty smile and stalks away, followed by John, and I turn to Matt in despair.

“Why didn’t you back me up?”

“Why didn’t you just keep your mouth shut?” he retorts in a furious undertone. “Jesus, Ava, we’re about to have lunch! I have to be diplomatic! This is my family firm!”

“More like your family prison!” I spit back. And I know I was going to wait till later, but I can’t stop my words tumbling out. “Matt, you’re so careful of your parents’ feelings, but they’re not careful of your feelings! They take you for granted! I know you took on this job for all kinds of good reasons: your heritage, your brother—”

    “My brother?” Matt’s face jolts, and I see a wounded look in his eyes. Oh God. I was right. He is raw. “What’s my brother got to do with anything?”

“Don’t know.” I backtrack quickly. “No. Nothing. I didn’t…” I clear my throat, trying to regroup. “Look, Matt,” I say more calmly. “I’m sorry I blabbed about Japan. But someone had to say it, didn’t they?”

I gaze at him desperately, willing him to respond, to soften. For us to be us. But Matt’s not even looking at me. He appears…agonized. And as I gaze at him, a terrible feeling comes over me. The most hollowing realization. Oh God, I’ve been a fool….

“Matt…” I swallow, barely able to say the words. “Are you going to Japan?”

“No!” he says at once, but his face isn’t saying what his voice is.

“Are you?”

“I’m…That’s not the plan.”

“Are you?” My voice is suddenly shaky. “Matt?”

My thoughts are skittering around in a kind of panic, because how can I be so out of the loop? How can he be making momentous decisions without any reference to me? Aren’t we a team? Aren’t we a couple?

I open my mouth to say something—but discover I’m out of words. I can’t do this anymore. All I really want to do is go home and hug my dog.

“I’m not hungry,” I say. “Please apologize to your mother. I think I might leave now.”

“Ava—” He looks desperate. “Please don’t leave—”

    At that moment, a fork tinkles on a glass and Matt automatically looks around to see who it is, and I dart away, almost running out of the room. Within thirty seconds I’m on the staircase down to the main conference area, and I’m not expecting him to come after me. I’m not even hoping.