Love Thy Neighbor (Friend-Zoned)(63)

High on bliss, I lean my forehead onto his shoulder and hug him tight. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my shoulder once, twice, three times. “So that was making love?”

Lifting my head, I smile sleepily. “Yeah, I guess. I’d never done it before.” Taking a huge risk here, I go on, “I think it only works when two people love each other though.”

His face falls and his brow furrows. He whispers, “Oh.”

And there’s my answer.

He doesn’t love me.

Hiding my hurt, I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze my eyes shut to stop the tears from leaking. He strokes my naked back lovingly and says, “Well, either way, I liked it.”

Resting my head on his shoulder, I reply quietly, “I’m glad, sweetie.”

Feeling like a complete ass, I almost excuse myself when his phone vibrates on the nightstand. Being closer to it, I pick it up and read the display.

Grace calling.

Who the f*ck is Grace?

Handing the phone over to Ash with an annoyed expression, my attitude changes when he takes the phone from my hand, reads the display through furrowed brows then throws the phone as hard as he can. It hits the wall and smashes into pieces. Shocked and a little edgy, I start to slide off him but he holds me firm and gruffly states, “Stay. Just for a bit longer.”

There’s a hint of desperation in his voice and I know something is bothering him. Naked and still on his lap, my arms band around his neck and I rest my head on his shoulder once more. I can hear his heart racing through his neck. I don’t know what just happened, but I want to be there for him.

My non-boyfriend needs me.





Chapter Twenty

My girl





Never thought I’d see the day when I actually wanted to stay in bed with a broad and just hold her. But that’s exactly what I did this morning.

Getting Nat to tell me how she felt about me? Hard.

Getting Nat to show something sweet about her that no one else gets to see? Not so hard.

With her body pressed into mine, her lips at my shoulder and me breathing her in, she calms me. If that f*cking moron hadn’t called me this morning, everything would’ve been fine. As soon as I saw the display, I lost it. Throwing the damn phone was the only thing I could do for relief, apart from f*ck Nat hard and fast, but I didn’t want that. She showed me something sweet this morning and I didn’t want to taint it with my bullshit.

This is probably the first time in my life that someone has said ‘I love you’ to me and I haven’t wanted to throw up. Does it scare the f*ck out of me? Yep. I mean, what am I meant to do now? Is there some procedure or manual about pleasing the person who loves you? I don’t know about this type of etiquette.

Is that even a word? Etiquette? Running a hand down my face in frustration, I sigh.

Fuck me. This complicates things.

I knew what she wanted from me. I could see the disappointment in her gorgeous green eyes, but I couldn’t do it. I won’t give false hope to someone I care about. And I do. I care about her a lot. More than anyone I’ve cared about in a long time. I want to make her happy. I’d do anything to make her happy.

Is that love?

I think if you need to question it, then no, it isn’t.

I’m out of my depth here. I need to talk to someone about this, but I can’t talk to Nik, Max or Trick without giving away too much. I can’t talk to the girls because they’d figure out what’s happening between me and Nat. Maybe Silvio?

Silvio… Are you f*cking kidding with that shit? The man can barely speak English!

I guess I’m just going to have to figure this out myself.

***

As I walk into the main hall of The White Rabbit to head up to the security room, I spot Stefan, the barman. He’s a little younger than me and from what I gather, a decent guy. He’s tall, has blonde hair and brown eyes. If we were standing close enough, anyone would say we’re related. I’ve only spoken to him a few times regarding security issues at the club, but he didn’t give me any attitude and seemed genuinely interested in what I was talking about. I know Nik wouldn’t have hired just anyone to run the bar. He’s gotta be okay if Nik hired him.

Why am I rambling?

Maybe he can help me with Nat.

Walking over to him with what I’m sure looks more like a psychopath’s smile rather than a friendly one, I greet, “Hey, Sheriff. How’s things?”

When he turns to face me, he has a hard time masking his surprise. I don’t blame him. I’m surprised as f*ck too.

Stefan goes about wiping down the bar and stocking beer. He replies, “Hey, Ghost. Fine, thanks. Just fine. More security stuff?”

Looking up, I rub my chin and confess, “Nah. Actually hopin’ to talk to you about something.”

He immediately looks worried. Wide-eyed, he asks, “Am I fired?”

Chuckling, I reply, “Oh shit, man. I can see why you would think that.” Of course he would think they’d send the * to fire the bar guy. Straightening, I admit, “Actually need your advice.”

His mouth gapes and he says quietly through wide eyes, “No shit?”

Shaking my head, I sit at the bar and tell him, “This is something I can’t talk to anyone else about, so I thought you’d give me a fresh perspective, what with you being a lady’s man and all.”