Love Thy Neighbor (Friend-Zoned)(47)

He doesn’t smile but his eyes crinkle. After a moment of stillness, he walks over to the door and switches off the light before climbing into bed. Once he’s settled next to me, I move over to him and lay my cheek on his scarred chest. I wrap my pajama covered leg over his pajama covered leg and sigh. He strokes my hair and asks, “So, I got you, huh?”

Replying with closed eyes, I confess, “Yeah, you got me good, too.”

His kisses my head and speaks into my hair, “I’m so f*cking sorry, girl. I don’t remember any of the shit that goes on when the nightmares start. It’s like I’m eight years old again.”

Oh, God.

Eight years old. Something horrific happened to him when he was eight f*cking years old. Thinking about Ash as a child and in agony, makes me want to ugly cry, but I hold it together. Instead, I turn my head a little and place kisses on his chest. “So what’s your favorite cereal?”

His body shakes in silent laughter as he replies, “Chocolate rice puffs.”

Smiling into his chest, I tell him, “I’m an original rice puffs kind of girl.”

Body still shaking with mirth, he says, “Good to know.” Then squeezes me tighter.

Enjoying this cuddling session, I’m a little surprised when he asks, “Nat, do you think you could talk to me? About anything.” I lift my head to look into his shadowed face. He plays with my hair and goes on, “I like your voice. It makes me stop thinking.”

My heart swells and I’m relieved that I can do something to help him. Without answering him, I rest my cheek on his chest. “When I was eleven years old, Nina cut my hair into a Mohawk.”

My body bounces on his as he bursts into laughter. He laughs long and hard and I tell him, “Yeah. The faux hawk looks good on you. Unfortunately, not a good look on me.”

I suddenly remember the last time I was in this room: so were my sisters and the girls. It was such a great morning and because of that, it became a great day. Tina came to bring him a present…

“Ash, what did Tina get you for your birthday?”

I feel him shrug as he replies softly, “No idea. It’s still wrapped on the bookcase.”

“Well, that’s a very ass thing to do!” I scoff. Before he can stop me, I’m up and walking over to the bookcase to retrieve the wrapped present. Once I’ve got it, I make my way back to his bed. “Switch on the lamp, will ya?”

With a huge sigh, he turns on the lamp and we’re suddenly illuminated in low light. Smiling, I hold out his gift. “Would you like me to sing for you?” My voice is dead seriousness.

Rolling his eyes, I chuckle as he snatches his gift from my hand and unwraps it. His brow furrows for a moment before his eyes crinkle at the sides and a big smile appears on his face. He turns the bright pink photo frame around to me, and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.

Gotta love Tina. She’s the only person who could get away with giving a gift like this without any repercussions. The photo is of baby Tatiana and Asher. Asher lies on his back holding Tatiana above his head. Tatiana fights to come down to his level. She holds Asher’s ears, lowering her head to suck on Asher’s nose. Asher’s profile shows he’s smiling a very sweet, genuine smile.

Sweet baby Jesus. Look at the smile.

Those are some extreme feels.

My heart swells looking at the two of them. He looks so happy. I utter, “She’s so beautiful.”

Nodding, Ash replies, “Yeah, she is. I’d do anything for Tatiana or Ceecee.” Feeling his eyes on me, I look up to find him searching my face. Just before I tell him to knock it off, he tells me, “You’d be a good mom.”

And just like that, my heart goes from swelling to shrinking.

Wearing a tight smile, I move away from him, take the frame and place it on his nightstand. Sitting back down on his bed, I tell him, “I can’t have kids.” Before he can respond to that, I go on, “And that really sucks because I wanted kids. I wanted marriage, kids and two pug dogs named Pizza and Donut. Then we had sex and didn’t use protection. Next thing I know my period didn’t come and I just assumed I was pregnant.” Looking up into his stunned face, I tell him, “Which is cool. I would’ve been fine with that. Actually, once I convinced myself that I was pregnant, I was pretty damn happy about it. I met this doctor in the city and he does an ultrasound, umm-ing and ahh-ing and tells me ‘Sorry, doll. No kids for you.’” I finish with a short humorless laugh.

Asher doesn’t say a thing for a long while. After a moment, his brows bunch and he says, “Was it something I did?”

Huh?

“What do you mean?”

His eyes slide down to my belly. “Was I too rough or some shit? Is that why you can’t have kids? Did I f*ck you up somehow?”

Oh no.

He thinks he did this to me.

Crawling across the bed to him, I kiss the top of his head and tell him, “No, Ash. It wasn’t you. You just helped me figure out I had something wrong with me. Nothing you did would’ve changed the outcome. I’m just not destined to have children. That’s it. I swear.”

Nodding but holding a look of incredulity, he states, “I like rough sex. I don’t know why, I just f*cking do.” Looking up at me and holding my eyes, he asks, “Did the doctor say there was absolutely no chance I broke you or are you just saying that to make me feel better?”