Love Online(51)

“So you don’t feel like you ever had the chance to discover yourself.”

“Right. I feel like I’m still a work in progress. Right now, I’m doing what I have to in order to get by, and that takes precedence over self-discovery.”

“What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t taking care of Ollie? You mentioned once that you dreamed of moving to New York to perform on Broadway. Do you think you would have gone through with it?”

“That was mostly a pipe dream. I can’t be sure if I would have bitten the bullet, but I definitely don’t think I would have stayed here these past four years. I think I would have traveled, but I don’t know if it would have been to New York.”

After all, I’m the daughter of a drifter. It’s in my blood. I didn’t know my father, but there were parts of me that I suspected came from him—namely that feeling inside of me that there was always something more, something bigger I was missing out on. I knew I wouldn’t have stayed in one place all these years. That’s why I was so envious of Ryder’s trip to India.

“I would’ve liked to see the world a little bit before I got tied down,” I told him. “It’s hard to imagine what I would’ve done, though. That’s sort of a pointless thing to focus on.”

“I know you lost a lot when your mother died—opportunities that may or may not have arisen. But I’m grateful I found you. You went through a lot of shit to get to where you were the night I met you. But I’m happy the stars aligned. Life is funny sometimes.”

I caressed his stubble with the back of my finger. “That’s the thing. Life takes you in unexpected directions. There’s good, and there’s bad to that. Sometimes on a detour, you find what you need in the least likely of places. And then you wonder if that was the direction you were always meant to go.”

He winked. “You mean like falling for a cam john?”

“Exactly. I’m glad you were one of the detours on my journey, Ryder.”

He was definitely a detour. But was he a temporary stop or the final destination?





CHAPTER NINETEEN




* * *





RYDER




The following morning, Ollie took a really long time to wake up.

Eden and I kept waiting for him to hear my voice and walk into the kitchen, surprised as hell to find me. She said he almost never overslept, so it figured he’d do it the one morning I was here and wanted to surprise him. We’d also been waiting to make pancakes. Eden had the batter all mixed with chocolate chips and ready to go.

Telling Eden about what had happened with Mallory was a huge weight off my shoulders. I hadn’t been sure how she was going to feel about it. Here she was doing the best she could to raise a child she didn’t anticipate. And I’d admitted I hadn’t felt myself capable of the same thing.

But her words had comforted me, and I was grateful for that.

I massaged Eden’s shoulders as she sipped her coffee. “Should I go wake him?”

“Might as well. At this rate, we’ll be waiting all day.”

Eden stayed close behind me as I ventured to Ollie’s room and opened the door. His legs and arms were splayed across the mattress. He was totally out.

I placed my index finger against my mouth to let Eden know I didn’t want her to say anything. Instead, I curled my lips, unleashing my infamous cricket sound.

Ollie stirred, then jumped up. Eden tried hard to hold her laughter in as we watched him move his head around in confusion before calling out, “Ryder?”

I stopped making the sound. “Yeah, buddy. It’s me.”

“You came back!”

Hugging him, I said, “I told you I would.”

“You didn’t write me back yesterday. I thought maybe…” His words trailed off.

“No. Whatever you were thinking was wrong. I was on a plane to come see you.”

The sun streamed through Ollie’s window. He was happy to see me. This was a good day.

“Why don’t I let you two hang out while I make pancakes for all of us?” Eden suggested. “I’ll holler when they’re ready.”

After she retreated to the kitchen, Ollie turned toward me.

“It’s weird that you’re here. I dreamed about you last night.”

“Really? What was I doing in your dream?”

“Nothing, really. You were just there.”

“Well, I guess your dream was more like a premonition then.”

“A what?”

“A premonition is a thought that ends up coming true. Because I’m here now.”

“Oh yeah. That’s freaky.”

“I know. Hey—what do you see in your mind when you dream?”

“I don’t see anything. I hear things and feel them, just like I do when I’m awake.”

“Wow. That’s fascinating.”

I guess it was silly to think he could see things in his dreams if he’d never seen them in real life. I’d never thought about the dreams of people born blind before.

There were so many questions I wanted to ask Ollie, but I was always afraid to offend him somehow.

As if he could read my mind, he asked, “You want to ask me something?”