Love Online(41)

But how was I going to begin to explain everything to her? I was sure she had all kinds of crazy ideas floating around in her head about how my trip had gone. She’d probably envisioned me swinging from the ceiling, having salacious sex all damn week with my “nudie model.”

Little did she know how far from the truth that was.

Lorena had just put some coffee on when I walked into the kitchen.

“Mijo, I’ve been dying to see you. This is all better than the telenovelas I watch. What happened with the girl?”

I took a deep breath.

Her eyes flitted back and forth over my face. “Wow.”

“What?”

“You’re, like, glowing or something.”

“Glowing? I’m not a fucking pregnant woman. What do you mean glowing?”

“I mean glowing. I don’t know how else to describe it. You seem like your face is lit up, like it’s a different color than I’ve ever seen before. What did she do to you?”

I brushed my hand over my face in an attempt to wipe off this alleged glow. “Get your head out of the gutter. She did nothing. That’s the thing. We did nothing.”

“No monkey business after all that?”

“No. None. We just kissed.”

“That’s kind of a shame. What happened?”

Raking my fingers through my hair, I couldn’t help but laugh when I answered her question. “I got my ass fed to me by life. That’s what happened.”

“What?”

Lorena listened intently as I told her the entire story of my trip—from Ethan to Ollie.

She shook her head. “This is the last thing I ever expected you to be telling me. Wow…a little boy.”

“He’s such a great kid, but he’s seriously fearful of abandonment. That’s why I gotta be careful. You can’t play around with that shit. Eden’s last boyfriend stuck around for two years and then took a job in New York. Never came back. Ollie had gotten attached to him. I think he takes it personally that the douche doesn’t contact him anymore. That really sucks.”

She gave me a warning look. “You don’t want that to happen again.”

“No, I don’t.”

“It sounds like Eden’s got her plate full.”

“Yeah. There’s not a lot of room for anything else.”

“I bet she’d make room for you.” Lorena snickered.

“She doesn’t think it could work, and I’m not sure I fully disagree.”

“She doesn’t think you would want to make it work. If there’s a will, there’s a way.”

I let that sink in for a bit. “Look, I know how she makes me feel, but that’s about all that makes sense in this scenario. My job is here. Her life is there. And then there’s Ollie.” I paused to reflect on the past week. “He’s…so clever. I told him we could keep in touch no matter what happens.”

“Sounds like you’re already preparing him for the worst, as if you’ve already made up your mind.”

“I don’t know what to do. All I know is I’m not ready to let her go.”

“So you’ve made a decision to have some fun with her and let her go later?”

The way she put that sounded so sucky. But was she right? Was I looking to have sex with Eden, have my fun, and then gently part ways when I finally got it through my thick skull that we couldn’t last?

“My job requires me to be here. She’s already given up one relationship because she couldn’t move. How could this possibly work?”

“Well, it’s certainly not gonna work if you believe it won’t.”

“When I’m here, it’s like I can see things a little more clearly—how difficult it would be. But when I’m with her, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”

“She wouldn’t be willing to move?”

“I don’t think so. Ollie really loves his school in St. George. It’s a school for the blind.”

Lorena flicked a rag at me. “You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think it’s too early for you to be worrying. You said you were honest with the boy. That’s all you can do. You don’t owe anyone a decision. Time will tell how you really feel. Just don’t make anyone any promises you can’t keep, and you’ll be okay.”

I let out a frustrated breath. “Yeah.”

“If this girl is as amazing as you say, the right guy will come along for her and for that little boy. She’s still so young.”

Her words hit me in the gut, made me so freaking jealous. I wondered if that was intentional on her part. I didn’t want anyone else to come along. I couldn’t figure out how to make this work logistically, but I wasn’t anywhere near ready to let the idea of her go.

All of a sudden, I put my hand on my stomach. It felt like my insides were twisting. At first, I thought maybe it was the stress of thinking about the situation with Eden. But as the rush of nausea tore through me, it quickly became clear that I was about to throw up.

I ran to the bathroom off the kitchen as fast as I could and hurled into the toilet.

Lorena followed. “Are you okay?”

With my hands on each side of the toilet, I looked up at her, dazed and confused.