Love Online(3)

I bet she would notice me if I tipped her. Duh. Money talks, Ryder. It took some time to get used to how all of this worked. Anytime someone gave her tokens, it made this cha-ching sound, and a notification lit up the screen.

I ventured over to the token bank and purchased 100 tokens. What the hell? I didn’t gamble, so this was like my version of it.

I tipped her twenty to start and asked my question again.



ScreenGod90: What made you sing “Blue Skies?”



She glanced over and seemed to be reading the comments before looking directly into the camera—at me. “Hi, ScreenGod.”

That made my body stir. I swallowed and felt my face heat up. Well, this was fucking weird. Seeing her looking right at me, talking to me through the screen was like taking a hit of a drug. I immediately wanted more, and it was only my first taste. All she’d done was say hello to me. In that moment, based on my reaction, a part of me knew it was very possible I could become addicted to this feeling…addicted to her.

“That’s a great question. Why did I choose that song?” She closed her eyes as if to really concentrate on the answer, then said, “That song has always given me chills. It gives off an air of eternal optimism. The lyrics…they’re so simple, yet they convey how great life can be when people are in love. Everything turns sunny and bright, even though you’re living in the same world that might have seemed gray before you found the one you were meant to be with. Life is all a matter of perspective. I’ve experienced both the blue skies and the gray ones. But this song gives me hope, I guess, that blue skies will come again.”

I fucking loved that answer.

Long after she’d moved on to someone else’s question, I was still staring intently at her lips.

And from that night on, I was completely hooked.





CHAPTER TWO




* * *





RYDER




I’d snagged an outdoor table at The Ivy. As usual, paparazzi were camped out across the street.

Even though this place was always crowded with people I knew or wanted to avoid, it reminded me of my childhood. My parents used to take me here when I was a kid. They’d preferred the indoor section to the patio. The antiques and colored furniture inside always made me think of my mom in a weird way because she had similar taste. My mother would always order the corn chowder here, so I did the same any time I came to The Ivy. Mom’s spirit seemed to be around a lot lately.

Today I sat on the outdoor patio, surrounded by the signature white picket fence as I waited for my friend, Benjamin, otherwise known as Benny. He and I grew up together, and our fathers had once been business partners. Benny’s dad was now retired but had also hoped to groom his son for a position at the studio. Benny wanted no part of making movies, though. Instead, he owned a marijuana dispensary in Venice Beach. As Benny liked to put it, he was all about “weeding out the bullshit” and enjoying life. Sometimes I wished I had his balls—to just say “Fuck it.”

Benny finally showed up. He scratched his long beard as he sat down across from me and said, “You look like shit.”

“I haven’t been sleeping that well.”

He opened a menu. “Something on your mind?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Dude, you know you can talk to me, right? Just cuz I may repeat it back to you doesn’t mean I’m not listening.”

Benny had a strange habit—something he’d done since childhood. He sometimes had to silently repeat the last part of whatever the person he was talking to said before he responded. You know how when you’re watching a bad actor, you can see them silently mouthing their co-star’s lines? That always reminds me of Benny.

I decided to come clean. “I’ve been thinking about Mallory a lot lately.”

Benny mouthed what I’d just told him—I’ve been thinking about Mallory a lot lately. “I know,” he said. “I heard.”

Heard? I squinted. “You heard what?”

“She’s getting married. That’s what you’re talking about, right?”

It felt like those words cut right through my chest. I was so confused. He did say married, didn’t he?

“Married?”

“Yeah. I thought that’s why you were upset. I saw it on her Facebook page. She posted a photo of her hand and the ring and the…” He seemed to realize from my face that this news was a shock to me. “Oh shit. You didn’t know.”

My appetite suddenly disappeared. “No.” I stared off into space. “No, I didn’t know.”

My ex, Mallory, and I were together for four years. Even though our breakup had been almost two years ago, I hadn’t really been able to shake her. She’d blocked me some time ago from seeing any of her posts on social media. Blocking me was the last straw in the destruction of our tumultuous but passionate relationship.

I had known she was seeing someone. I didn’t realize how serious it was.

Benny was staring at me. “Are you alright, man?”

I’d told myself I’d accepted the breakup. But this was the first moment I truly realized I must have been holding out hope that we’d get back together someday. It was the first time I really understood that wasn’t going to happen. It felt like a death in a way, perhaps one I needed to experience to fully get over her.