Love Beyond Words (City Lights, #1)(22)

“Natalie…”

“Yes.” She smiled drowsily even as her pulse quickened. It was almost as if she’d become accustomed to how he set her at ease and completely undid her at the same time.

“Ah, god, don’t look at me like that,” he said, his voice thick.

“Like what?”

“Seductive.”

“No one has ever called me seductive before.”

“Impossible,” he said gruffly, and before she could draw a breath, he took her face in both of his hands and kissed her.

Natalie was thankful she was already sitting down; she felt herself falling away, dizzy and drunk for this, the first kiss, that she had been dreaming about for months.

His lips were gentle, caressing hers, sweeping over them. She could do nothing at first but tilt her head back and let him do as he pleased until his tongue ventured to touch her. A gentle invasion, a wanted invasion. She parted her lips wider to accept him, let him explore her, and then kissed him back, stroking the warm velvety wetness of his tongue with hers. Oh god, delicious. He tasted of the Crème Brule they’d shared for dessert, expensive wine, and beneath that, his own delectable sweetness.

Natalie heard a little moan escape her. She pushed out of her seat toward Julian, wanting to feel more of him, and slipped her hand into the curls of his hair that felt just as soft and silky as she had imagined it to be. He moved closer, grazing her lower lip with his teeth before covering her mouth completely with his. Their tongues danced and stroked and slid along each other until Natalie lost all sense of time and place. There was only this incredible sensation…and the want it was building inside her.

Julian shifted, trying to maneuver closer in the enclosed space of the car. A short blast of the horn startled them both and they flinched away. Natalie laughed nervously, while trying to catch her breath. Julian did not.

He looked about, like a sleepwalker awakened, and put his hands back on the steering wheel.

“Julian?” Natalie started to reach for him but suddenly felt she shouldn’t.

“I…” He twisted his hands around the wheel, not looking at her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to start anything until…”

Natalie bit her lip where she imagined she could still feel his touch, fading now. “What is it?”

“I have something to tell you.”

He sounded hesitant, agitated, when a moment before he had been lost in the kiss with her. Hadn’t he? She sat back in her seat, bracing herself. The warm flush of desire he’d kindled in her was rapidly vanishing. “Okay,” she said slowly. “I’m listening.”

“I should have told you sooner,” he said, his gaze still on the nearly empty street outside the windshield, “but I didn’t know how. Not without leaving you thinking I’m a lunatic or that I’m playing a horrible, cruel joke. Even at this moment, I fear you will think that and hate me.”

Natalie’s heart began to clang dully against her chest. The contentment, the pure joy of the day was seeping out of her moment by moment, leaving her cold. She waited for him to say more and when he didn’t, the silence became unbearable.

“Is it…that you’re seeing someone else?” she ventured. “Oh, not someone else,” she added quickly, her cheeks burning, “because you and I…we’re not really seeing each other. Are we? I mean…we haven’t…until today.” Her hands trembled and she clutched them tightly in her lap. “We just talk. Five months…off and on, and our talks are so nice, more than nice. They’re incredible. But I just…I’m not sure what we’re doing.”

“That’s my fault,” Julian said, turning to look at her finally, his expression pained. “All of it. My fault. I know my behavior must seem…strange, but please believe me there’s a reason for it.”

Natalie nodded though she was more confused than ever. And afraid. Is he breaking it off? “What is it?”

Julian held her gaze a moment, a thousand thoughts behind his eyes, words forming his mouth…And then he abruptly sat back in his seat.

“It’s uh…well, it’s complicated. Too complicated to discuss here, in the car.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “This is all wrong. I’m making a mess of everything. The very last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

Though her heart might shatter with his next word, she had to know. “You can tell me. Please. Tell me.”

“Yes,” he said, firmer now. “Yes, of course. I should. I will. But…not here. Let’s go—”

Julian’s cell phone rang from the pocket of his jacket, its insistent chiming filling the car.

“I’m sorry,” he said, and fished it from his pocket. He glanced at the screen, frowned, and jabbed a button. The chiming ceased and he tossed the iPhone onto the dash. “What was I saying? Nothing that makes any sense, I’m sure.”

“You said we should go—”

The chiming came again and Julian scrubbed his hands over his face. “Maldita sea al infierno,” he swore and grabbed the phone from the dash. “It’s David again. I don’t know what he’s calling about…” He jabbed the button again and then flipped a tiny switch on the side of the phone. “Muted,” he said but before he could put the phone away, it vibrated in his hand. He bit off another curse. “Natalie, I’m so sorry. Let me…” He put the phone to his ear.