Love At First Hate (Love At Firsts Book 2)(31)

Tattooedsoldier81: Thanks ;)

MattTheGod: Have you been on here long?

Tattooedsoldier81: No, I joined today and you?

MattTheGod: A couple of months.

Tattooedsoldier81: Any luck so far?

MattTheGod: Not really, way too many creeps on here.

Tattooedsoldier81: What is a handsome guy like you doing on a sketchy app like this?

MattTheGod: I could ask you the same thing ;)

Tattooedsoldier81: I suck at meeting new people, and it gets rather lonely in this big city.

MattTheGod: I feel you on that one. Been single a couple of months, it does get lonely.

Tattooedsoldier81: I’m recently single myself.

MattTheGod: Their loss, my gain ;)

Tattooedsoldier81: I could say the same for you ;)

MattTheGod: I wish I could copy and paste that body into my bed!

Tattooedsoldier81: You’re going to make me blush!

MattTheGod: I intend on doing more than that!

Tattooedsoldier81: Promises, promises.

MattTheGod: Oh, you’ll see ;)

We keep chatting online for a while, making small talk and getting to know the basics about each other. It’s quite hard not to let on that I know it’s him, but I want to see what his next move will be. He seems to be able to talk more freely that way, and if that’s how he wants to communicate, then so be it. I do wonder why he didn’t ask for my number so he could call or text me instead of going through an app. I hope I’ll figure it out soon. I have zero patience when it comes to things like this!





“I can’t believe you did that!” Ellie exclaims, sounding rather happy.

“Why not?”

“Because it’s so not like you! You’re the quiet brooding type. You don’t join a gay dating app on just a whim. What made you join? Or rather, who made you join? Come on, spill it!” She seems like she’s going to burst with excitement.

“Last night, I was out having drinks with Mina. We were at the Cruise Room Bar, and Matt came in. He joined John, and they were ready to fight, so I stepped in. I drove him home, and he told me that he had joined the app under the recommendation of a friend. He started talking to a guy a few months ago, and they met last night. That guy made a fake profile and was in reality John.” I blow out a breath.

“That’s messed up, on both accounts.”

“What do you mean?”

“That John would make a fake profile and that he would meet someone when he has you,” she says the last part in a sing-song voice.

“It’s not like we’re together or anything.” I shrug.

“True, but he seemed really interested in you.” She sounds disappointed.

“I honestly don’t know. That’s not it, though.”

“Ohhhh tell me more.” She grins excitedly.

“He kissed me last night. It was more of a peck on the lips, but he did. I was stunned. It was like I was back to being a teen and getting my first kiss. I had no idea what to do or how to react, so I just let him go. And then he went back to his place.”

“You’re a tit for not kissing him back!”

“Tell me about it.”

“I’m sure it’ll happen sooner rather than later.” She smirks.

“Whatever you say, you nutcase.” I chuckle and get back to my drawing.

“Ah well, you love this nutcase.” She shrugs and walks back to her station across from mine.

I’m grateful that I have Ellie in my life. It makes moments like these easier. I’ve never had that many friends, but I do miss being able to go for a drink or a meal and just have fun and long talks. You never know how much something meant to you until it’s gone from your life.

After I had come back from Afghanistan, I cut ties with everybody from my tour. I already had a daily reminder of what happened with my missing leg, and I didn’t need the others’ look of pity on top of that. It was probably a mistake to cut them all out of my life. They knew what happened, and being seriously injured and suffering the consequences of it was a daily occurrence we had to face.

I guess I wasn’t ready to face my own fears rather than not wanting the others to see me how I was. Truth is, I was a f*cking mess. I still am to a certain extent, but I’m trying to get better. The nightmares I get are still messing with my head a lot more than I wish they were. Like last night with Matt. I woke up to my phone ringing and picked up out of habit. I was screaming in my sleep again and woke him up as usual. He stayed up for an hour talking to me on the phone until we were both ready to pass out from exhaustion. He offered to come over many times, but I was too much of a mess to let him see me that way.

The only one I’ve allowed to be around me at that time is Madeline. She is the only one who wouldn’t judge me or look at me as if she feels sorry for me.

Despite her being fifteen years younger than me, she is the one who keeps me grounded. When I needed it, she’d put my ass back into gear. She stopped me from killing myself twice and made me see that I could still do something good with my life. That’s when I picked up tattooing. She managed to get me to go to physiotherapy and get better. I got a prosthetic leg, and things got better after that. I felt like I was finally getting back to myself, despite not talking to my family.

I didn’t want anything to do with them, but I didn’t have much choice. They managed to get me to come around the family with Caroline’s wedding and the big masquerade.