Losing Me, Finding You(35)

Amy Cross blinks at me for a moment and then reaches out and grabs me hard around the arm, digging her nails into my skin. This time, it's my turn to shiver.

“In?”

“You want to be a member of Triple M, you got it.” I pause and lick my lips. “It's gonna take work, though. As of right now, you … ” I look at her carefully, judging how far she'll go. Amy licks her own lips in response and a small smile starts to pull at the corners of her lips. If she was crying earlier, she's done now. I like that. You're a strong woman, I think as I watch her and wonder how a dirty, little video could possibly convince a family to give up on someone as … engaging as this girl. “As of right now, you belong to me. You walk with me, ride with me … ” Amy doesn't look scared, not in the least. In fact, the more I say, the happier she looks. “Bunk with me. Until you get your colors and your own bike, you're mine.”

“Thank you, Austin,” she says, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss against my lips, one that makes me feel guilty as hell for wanting to drag her up the stairs and f*ck her. “I think you might've just saved my life.”



Chapter 28

I flew away from that church in my mother's minivan, drove all the way home with the gas pedal pressed to the floor and grabbed my duffel, my toothbrush, and a signed copy of my favorite book. Just the essentials, I had told myself while I packed. I hadn't known I was crying until I'd looked in the rearview mirror before pulling out of the driveway. There were fresh tears shimmering on my cheeks, outlined in black from my makeup.

It wasn't the video that had made me cry. I'd made the decision to sleep with Austin, and I was going to stand by it. It was the look on Christy's face. My father's, my mother's, my aunt's – those I had expected. What I hadn't expected was to see Christy looking at me like I was the enemy. We'd spent our whole lives living on the same side and now, I was suddenly an outcast. If there was anyone in the world that I wanted on my side, it was her. She was like a perfect reflection of me – sheltered, trapped, curious. And now she was gone, wiped clean away with one, stupid, little video.

I stand there in front of Austin thinking all these thoughts. I'm not sure what actually comes out of my mouth, but he looks confused, so maybe I'm not making any sense. I'm trying to tell him that I went to the ATM with my debit card, tried to check my balance and found out that there was nothing there, no account at all. I'd even gone inside, spoken to Nina behind the counter. She informed me politely that my Papa had come in the other day and closed the account. It was as if they'd known I was going to try to fly the gilded cage and had prepared for it. Instead of loving me enough to let me go, they had tried to lock the doors and keep me inside.

“Right here, beautiful,” Austin says, ushering me into his hotel room. I hardly even remember walking up the stairs to get here.

“You want me to stay here?” I ask him as I step inside, moving across the brown and orange carpet slowly, feet whispering gently against the fibers. My skin feels flushed and alive, like I can hear every word in the world through my skin, a constant flow of conversation that never stops. I'm walking on clouds now, thinking that I'll never have to drink coffee with milk and sugar again, never have to get up for church, never have to stand there with my father's eyes judging me to the very core of my soul. I could be in shock, maybe. I think that's also a possibility. I mean, it's one thing to wish for your life to change and another to be thrust into it like a bird knocked out of its nest. One moment, I'm warm and safe and the next, I'm flying, wings spread against the cool wind. I swallow hard.

“Just for tonight,” Austin says, not getting my meaning. “We're leaving in the morning. Early. Maybe five or six.” He smiles at me, his scar pulling at the corner of his mouth. He looks pretty happy to see me, and he says I've got a spot in his gang, but what am I going to do if I wake up and he's gone? What if he abandons me somewhere along the road? I wipe a bit of sweat from my brow and think of Sali Bend. Can't help it. The girl's full of tricks. I'm living in the moment, okay? He might f*ck me and leave, sure, but I'm going to enjoy every second of it. I'm going to eat him up and drink him in, and if he does leave, well then, it's his f*cking loss. I take a deep breath and watch Austin as he sets my duffel bag down next to his own. “I'll get you a jacket, sugar, make you all official like, and introduce you to the group.”

“What do I have to do?” I ask him, moving forward and touching my fingers to the edge of his jeans. One of Austin's blonde brows goes up.

“Pardon?”

“To pay you back for this? What do I owe you?” I run my fingers up Austin's taut belly muscles. I'm not purposely trying to antagonize him, but I want to touch something, somebody. I want to feel something other than this unnerving euphoria that will fade as quick as it came and leave me miserable if I'm not careful. Austin laughs and takes me by the wrists, pulling me forward, so I bump up against his chest.

“You read too many romance novels, beautiful. You don't owe me shit.” I flush fifty shades of red, stepping back and trying to untangle my limbs from Austin's.

“That's not what I meant,” I tell him, turning away and stepping over to a horrible set of mustard colored curtains. I glance over my shoulder once with sharp eyes. “I am not a whore.” Austin laughs again and steps forward, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against him.