Lord Sebastian's Secret (The Duke's Sons #3)(78)

The rain had passed, leaving bright-blue skies and warmer breezes behind. Flowers gleamed like jewels among the greenery, and sheltered nooks beckoned. Georgina moved to nestle within the curve of his arm. The scene might have been all he desired if not for the looming conversation. But he couldn’t put it off any longer. That was almost harder. “I have to speak to you about this…ritual,” Sebastian said.

“It’s ridiculous, I know.” She gazed ruefully up at him. “I am sorry. But at least it will be over before your family arrives.”

“I can’t do it,” Sebastian said. His pulse accelerated as if he’d been running a race.

“What?”

“I won’t be able to do it,” he said.

Georgina gazed up at him, a hint of concern becoming visible in her green eyes. “Sebastian, of course it’s silly. Papa gets these notions, and now Joanna has become even worse.” She shook her head. “Sometimes I can’t believe she’s the same person. And she’s egging him on. But it’s not serious, you know. You can think of it as a bit of acting.” She smiled encouragingly. “We can pretend we’re onstage together in some dreadful melodrama.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t.”

She withdrew from him a little. “Papa will be utterly impossible if you refuse. You haven’t seen him really… He’ll throw the whole household into an uproar, right before the wedding! Most likely he’ll try to call it off again.”

Sebastian hated upsetting her. He would have given anything to simply agree. But he had to shake his head.

Georgina blinked as if she couldn’t believe it and frowned. “It’s such a small thing to ask, Sebastian. If you love me… You said you did.”

“I do! More than anything. More than life.”

“Then why can’t you just do this?”

She sounded mystified, and hurt, and irritated. Which was bad. Not as bad as it was going to be when she knew the truth, Sebastian thought. But there was no drawing back now. He pulled a small book from his pocket. He’d brought it from a shelf in his bedchamber to help explain. And although his heart quailed, he marched forward. “There’s something wrong with me,” he began. “I’ve always been stupid about…”

“You are not stupid. I wish you wouldn’t say it.” She sounded almost petulant now.

“But I am, Georgina. I-I can’t read.” There, he’d said it—starkly, without circumlocution or excuses, out loud—as he never had before in his life. He waited for her to take it in and despise him.

“What?”

“I can’t read,” he repeated. It was no easier to admit the second time. He opened the book and held it out before them. “When you look at this page, you see lines of words that make up sentences and tell you…whatever the writer wished to set down. I don’t. I never have. I see a mass of tangled lines, with all the letters shoved together. I can’t make head nor tail of them.”

Georgina looked at the page, then back up at him.

“There’s something wrong with me,” he said again. He closed the book, shoved it back in his pocket, and waited for her reaction. It was a bit like hearing artillery shots whistling overhead and wondering whether the next would do for you.

“You look at printed words, and you can’t see them as they are?” Georgina asked.

He nodded heavily. “And so I can’t play my part in the deuced ritual. I won’t be able to read it.”

Georgina stared up at him for so long that Sebastian thought he’d burst. “And this is what was wrong?” she said then. “This is what had made you so distant?”

It wasn’t quite the reaction he’d expected. “Worried about what to do,” he muttered.

Georgina threw her arms around him and clung as if she would never let go. Startled, and confused, Sebastian embraced her gingerly. “I’m so relieved,” she said against his chest. “I was imagining terrible things.”

Wasn’t this terrible enough? Sebastian wondered. Had she understood him? Holding her was so wonderful that he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

After a while, though, she drew back. She looked much happier. “But how could this happen, that you can’t…decipher words?”

So she just hadn’t really taken it in. The blow was still to come. Sebastian let his arms fall to his sides again. “There’s something wrong with my brain,” he repeated bitterly.

“But Sebastian, there isn’t. You know all sorts of clever things. You carry on intelligent conversations.”

“I wonder if your father would say so.”

“Papa is not a good example,” said Georgina severely. “You’re a fine commander of men. I heard your colonel tell you so at an evening party. And look at the way you can make a fire out of nothing and help a shy young lady feel at ease at a London ball.”

“You’re being kind.” Of course she would be, Sebastian thought. She was that sort of person. She wouldn’t show him her contempt.

“Well, of course I am. I love you. But that’s not all.”

“You still love me?” He couldn’t believe he’d heard correctly. “After this?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”