Long Way Home(91)

“Just shocked. And sad.”

“Would you like to speak with Sister Mary Margaret? She’s in charge now.”

I stood and entered the office where Sister Veronica had always welcomed and encouraged me, and I recognized Sister Mary Margaret right away. She had traveled on the train with Ruthie and me when we’d fled Antwerp, and had given us prayer books and rosary beads. She knew who I was, too.

“Gisela! Welcome back!” She hurried from behind her desk and drew me into her embrace. “We were told you’d been arrested. I can’t even imagine all that you’ve suffered!” I could only nod. “Please, have a seat. Tell me what I can do for you, dear.”

I sank down gratefully, my knees trembling with fear and hope as I prepared to ask about Sam. “Before I went into hiding at Hospital Sint-Augustinus, Sister Veronica offered to relay messages between me and my fiancé, Sam Shapiro. She knew my false name, Ella Maes, and where I was working and hiding. You did, too, of course.”

“Yes, I remember. We’ve prayed for you every day, Gisela, which is why I’m so thrilled to see you.”

“Has . . . has my fiancé come looking for me? He must be trying to find me. Has he left any messages?” I held my breath in anticipation and dread.

“I’m afraid not. I’m so sorry.”

I closed my eyes as the darkness that had nearly suffocated me in Buchenwald threatened to swallow me alive. Thoughts of finding Sam had been my only ray of light. But Sam hadn’t come. He hadn’t left any messages for me. I dared to offer up a prayer, my first in a very long time. Please don’t let him be dead. Please help us find each other.

When I was in control again, I asked, “When was Antwerp liberated?”

“In December of last year. Brussels was liberated a few months earlier.”

I was speechless. Antwerp had been freed from Nazi domination just four months after I had been arrested. Four months! What cruel twist of fate had put Lina Renard in the same hospital with me, to betray me, when I might have been free all this time? It seemed absurd that the Nazis would continue to conduct their transports to the death camps even as they were losing the war. And even more absurd to think that if it weren’t for Lina Renard’s betrayal, I would have been free since last December. The news raised another, more terrifying question: if Belgium had been free for so long, why hadn’t Sam come here to search for me? I was certain he would have—if he had been able to.

“May I ask what your plans are now, Gisela?” Sister Mary Margaret asked, interrupting my thoughts.

“I-I don’t know. I’m still trying to find all the people I love.”

“I wish you success and God’s blessings. If you ever need work, please know that we will be very happy to find a place for you at our hospital.” She copied down Jim’s military address to contact me, and I thanked her for her kindness.

“I guess that didn’t go well,” Jim said when I came out of the office. I was wiping tears that I hadn’t realized were falling.

“She was very kind. But she hasn’t heard from Sam.”

“Come on,” he said, taking my arm. “Let’s not give up just yet. Do you want to try the apartment building where your families used to live?”

“No,” I said quickly. I couldn’t face those memories yet. My parents had died in that apartment. “I want to find my sister, Ruthie,” I said.

We rode the trolley back to the central train station, then took another train to Mortsel. As Jim and I walked through the still-ruined village to the Catholic orphanage, I told him about the terrible day that the Americans had mistakenly bombed an innocent town. How four schools had been struck and hundreds of children and civilians had died.

Jim looked so devastated by the story that I was sorry for telling him. “It wasn’t your fault,” I told him, but he didn’t seem to hear me.

We reached the orphanage, and it appeared to house even more children than before. I wondered what would happen to the Jewish children they’d been hiding if their parents had perished in the camps. “I’m very glad to see you, Miss Maes!” Sister Marie said when she greeted me. I could tell by her smile that she was sincere. “Your sister, Ruth Anne, is living with the same family as the last time you were here, working as their au pair.” Sister Marie told us it wasn’t far and gave us directions. I would have run all the way to see Ruthie if I had been able, overjoyed to know that she was still alive and well.

“I can only hope that my sister will forgive me,” I told Jim as we walked. “Ruthie begged me not to leave her alone in the orphanage. And after Mortsel was bombed, she begged me to take her with me. She was so afraid to stay there, so afraid there would be another bombing.”

“But if you’d done what she’d asked, she would have ended up in Buchenwald, too.”

I knew Jim was right. But I couldn’t forget how frightened Ruthie had been, how she had clung to me, crying and pleading.

My knees nearly buckled when I saw the house—a large three-story brick home in a neighborhood of wealthy homes. The windows were open on this hot summer day, and I could hear children’s laughter and voices coming from inside.

“Are you going to be all right?” Jim asked. I nodded. “Then unless you need me, I think it would be better if I gave you some time alone with your sister. I’ll take a walk and come back in a little while.”