London Falling (Falling #2)(59)
London left to be with him. No, to save him. Was there a f*cking difference?
Why did I have to fall for the one woman who not only was afraid to love me but was in a codependent relationship with her very male best mate? Maybe it was time to stop trying. Just let the bloody bird go. Stop giving a flying fig. It would definitely lessen the pain, the hurt I’d undoubtedly go through if I continued down this path with an unstable woman.
Was she really unstable though? Definitely hurting. Still grieving from the loss of her husband. And presently in a toxic relationship with an ex addict that she used to shag. Not to mention she’s the sister of one of Stone & Walkers’ biggest clients, the Aspen Reynolds, billionaire business tycoon.
What the hell was I thinking, getting mixed up in her shite? All for what? For London.
Christ! Even thinking her name sent warmth spilling through my fingers and toes, warming my body from the inside out. Shite, it’s too late. Too f*cking late. The bloody bird already owned me.
Chapter - 15
It had been two weeks since the ’royal blowoff’ as I’d taken to calling it. Two torturous weeks of knowing exactly why Collier was avoiding me. When I got the call from Tripp in the middle of the night, I jumped right into action. It had only ever been me and Tripp. Dropping everything in his moment of need came second nature to me. Answering to a man in my life had never been the slightest concern since James. They were all expendable. Collier was anything but expendable.
Looking back, I know I handled it poorly. So many different scenarios have run through my mind on countless loops over the past fourteen days. What I could have said to him. How I could have done a better job of explaining why it was so important that I be there for Tripp. Explaining that I wasn’t tending to him as a lover but as a true friend. I would have done the same if Aspen or Rio had asked for help.
That’s where Tripp was in my life. He’d been relegated to brother status. I love him, will always love him but I’m not in love with him. Not the way I am with…shit.
Am I in love with Collier? No, it’s not possible. People only ever get one go at finding true love. I’d had mine with James. The one I’d lost. At this stage, I’d venture a guess that I’d lost both men who had become more than a friend or lover. James and now Collier.
I tried each day to reach out to Collier, but he hasn’t returned any of my texts or voicemails. I only allowed myself one olive branch a day. Today I thought for sure he’d be at the airport in time to board the jet to Texas for Hank and Aspen’s wedding but I underestimated his desire to toss me out of his life for good.
He’d asked me to stay. Repeatedly. Instead, I beat feet it out so fast you’d have thought I was walking over hot coals. Figuratively, I was. Not only did I need to get to Tripp, I needed to get away from Collier. What we’d experienced blew my mind. And it was not just the physicality of our love-making. It was the mental connection; the shared pleasure that went beyond physical walls and a sexually gratifying experience. It was unearthly. Not something I dared to think I’d ever go through again.
No, that night was a huge cluster-f*ck from the moment I picked up the phone.
Prior to that, I’d quite possibly had the best date of my life. The only other one that compared was our first date a month ago. The connection we shared even then crackled and fizzed in the air around us. The night out for pizza and a classic movie, the risqué sex we shared in the dark movie theater were things they write books about. The stuff movies are created from.
Then to top it off, back-breaking sex followed by an intense round of lovemaking that moved the earth and me right along with it. Even after, we couldn’t get enough of one another and had another go round in the shower…right before everything turned to shit.
Each moment with Collier seemed better than the last. We were building to something more. The very ‘more’ I’d promised I’d try for. And then I ran off to go to Tripp.
Could it possibly be over? Did I screw it up so badly he couldn’t stand the thought of speaking to me, of hearing my voice?
Chills and nausea formed a pit in my gut. I’d been nursing it for the better part of a week. Knowing what I did made me sick to my stomach. Losing the one man in years that had reached me on a level that inspired me, made me feel cherished. A man who worshiped my body and hugged my soul cutting right to the center of my being.
Recently I’d been going over all my past choices and had found I’m not very proud of the things I’ve done. Collier makes me want more for myself, for him. For us.
Considering possibilities with a man, any man, is not something I’d remotely contemplated since losing James. The feeling hit home, churned and twisted my thoughts, forcing me to face the facts. I might have lost him and I had no one to blame but myself.
It still broke me that he didn’t arrive at the airport to board Aspen’s jet.
At this point, I wasn’t even sure he and his brother were attending the wedding, though I don’t think Nate would flake on Hank. They’d become close friends over the past few months. And they were business men. When Aspen Bright-Reynolds invited you to her small country wedding, you pretty much dropped everything on your to-do list and got your ass to Texas.
Her account was huge to Stone, Walker & Associates. I didn’t doubt she was their biggest client, even knowing they catered to the rich and famous on legal matters across the globe. Still, my sister was worth billions, stacked on top of more billions, which were sitting on solid gold bricks. You just didn’t screw over the hand that feeds you. If she left their company, they’d lose millions of dollars of legal representation for AIR Bright Enterprises. And if other big wigs see Aspen move away from them, they might jump right on the bandwagon and follow the leader.