London Falling (Falling #2)(44)

Collier.

Dead.

“Wake up, God dammit! Baby wake up!” Tripp’s voice pierced my mind and I woke with a start. A scream still clogged in my throat screeched out into the light of day. “London, oh thank God! Are you okay?” Tripp’s arms were around me, holding tight. Tears poured down my cheeks and fell to his chest.

“Dead, they were dead.”

“Who Bridge, who was dead?”

“James…and…and…“ Another bout of deep sobs tore from my lungs as I gripped his back, hiding in the comfort of his chest. The sickening images from the dream were still fresh.

“It’s okay, I’m here.” He spoke in a calm voice, one you’d use with a frightened child. Right now I felt like one. Fear’s evil claws closed around my heart and squeezed tight, choking off my sanity.

“C-c-ollier…dead. It was James and then…and then…it was Collier. Oh God, it was awful.” I cried into Tripp’s chest. “He left me, Tripp. He left me just like James.”

“Bridge baby, it was just a dream. Collier is--” He gritted his teeth and pulled me back to look into my eyes. He swiped away the tears that wouldn’t stop and took a deep breath. “Collier is not James. He’s very much alive.” I had a feeling he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t.

“It was so real, it was my wedding day and James was waking me up like he did that day. I actually remembered how I felt when he woke me. Like everything in the world was just right…until it wasn’t anymore.” I sniffed and wiped my dripping nose with the back of my arm. Tripp grimaced and pulled a tissue out of the box on the end table and handed it to me. “Thanks.” I blew my nose and took a deep breath, trying to expel the images scratching to the surface. “It was…God, Tripp. It was so real.”

Tripp pulled me into the warmth of his embrace, cradling my head. “So, Bond has gotten to you then? He’s under your skin.” He didn’t say what I knew he was trying to say and I was thankful. I was nowhere near ready to think things were any different with Collier than they were with any other man. If I wanted to be with Collier, I couldn’t be with other men. Knowing what I knew of Collier and his third degree last night, he would not share.

No, I’d see this through until we’d worked each other out of our systems. It was bound to happen. This thing with Collier was unique in the sense that I wanted to see more of him and often, but it wouldn’t last. It never did. Eventually I’d tire of him.

But why the dream? The only man I’d ever dreamt about was James. In four years, I have only ever dreamed of James. and now I’ve had a fantasy and a nightmare about Collier.

“So you’re dating Bond officially?” Tripp stood up to pull my robe off the door hanger. I wasn’t naked but goose bumps were still prevalent on my arms and legs, giving physical proof of how frightened I’d been.

I nodded and slipped on the robe he handed me, not really sure what to say as I pulled my knees into my chest. This was new for me. Dating. I hadn’t officially dated anyone since my husband died. If you’d ask me three weeks ago, prior to meeting my sexy Englishman, I’d say I was the queen of hookups. Even those had only been in the past couple of years.

It was the perfect answer to my ongoing problem. Burying my secrets in another man’s flesh was easy when you didn’t plan to keep them around. It also took away the constant thoughts of James. I could f*ck my way into sweet oblivion and find a small respite from the grief, the pain, the wide open hole where my soul once lived; the soul that died right along with the only man I’ll ever truly love.

Tripp dropped on the bed and spread his arms wide. I snuggled right into the crook of his arm, my head resting on his bare chest. At least he had on pajama pants this time. A naked Tripp hugging me led to groping more often than not. Though I think he’s gotten the hint that he can’t be as familiar with me as he once was. I’m just not in that place anymore.

“This is weird, Bridge.”

I placed my hands over his chest and rested my chin on top. “What is?”

“You, dating. Like, really dating someone.”

Tilting my head to the side I tried to gauge his mood. “Yeah, kind of. What was going on with you last night? You were acting like a jealous boyfriend.” I kissed his chest right above his heart. One of his large hands came up and ruffled the shaggy hair. He needed a trim.

“Truth?” he asked.

“Truth,” I said and nodded, waiting for him to continue. He obviously had something on his mind. He’d been acting strange the last couple weeks, but last night, his anger and irritation with Collier took the cake.

“I’m not sure I’m capable of letting you be with another man.” He threw a hand over his eyes as the words smacked me up the side of the head like a frying pan.

“Tripp, I’m not sure I understand? I’ve been with more men than I’d like to take credit for. You know that.” My best friend looked at me with those sparkling eyes, sorrow and pain etched into deep lines in his normally perfect face. I hugged him tight, trying to put all the love I had for him into that one embrace. “Tell me what’s going on?”

“Bridge.” His voice was dry, cracked, sounding like sandpaper along a prickly wooden surface. “You’re all I have.”