Like a Memory(57)

I could tell he was interested in me by his daily flirting. It was subtle. Almost shy like. If there hadn’t been a Nate in my life. If I hadn’t fallen in love with him all over again just months ago then maybe Matthew would have been fun. Maybe we could have made it work. But there had been a Nate. And my heart wasn’t ready.

“Great event,” Matthew said with his straight white teeth smile.

“Yes it was. I couldn’t be more pleased with the turn out.”

“Never had an event here so successful.”

That fact made me beam with pride. I may have gotten this job because of Blythe but being successful at it was important to me. I wanted them to be glad they hired me.

“I’m glad tomorrow is Sunday. I need a lazy day at home.”

“I can imagine after today. What about tonight? You headed home?”

I had thought about going to Live Bay. Having a drink, visiting with friends, being normal. Things I rarely did anymore.

“Not sure,” I replied honestly.

“Want to go get a drink?”

Here it was. The question. It wasn’t a date. Just drinks. I could invite him to Live Bay. We may enjoy each other’s company. It could be good for me.

“I was thinking of going to see some friends at Live Bay. You want to come with me?”

The smile was back on his face. I wished I felt that excited about this. Instead it felt wrong. I couldn’t back out now.

“Sounds fun.”

Great. He was coming. Okay. I asked him, now I just had to get through it.

“I’m headed out the door. You ready?” I tried to sound happy.

“Yeah, already closed up my section.”

We started for the door and my brain was racing trying to come up with an excuse to cancel. I didn’t want to do this. I wanted to go home now. Be alone. I had changed my mind. I started to say something when my eyes locked on the man standing at my car. I stopped walking.

He was here.

Or I was delusional.

Could be that I had lost my mind.

“Do you know him?” Matthew asked and I nodded. My voice wasn’t working. Words weren’t there. If Matthew saw him too then I hadn’t lost my mind. He was actually there. At my car.

“Are you okay? Need me to have him leave?”

This time I just shook my head no. Still words weren’t working. Nate took a step in my direction and I was unsure what to do. Was he here to tell me something? To see me? To rip open the wounds that were still fresh?

“I can’t . . . I have to . . .” I was trying to tell Matthew I wouldn’t be going to Live Bay. Because after this encounter I would need more bottles of wine and cake while I once again nursed the pain.

“If you don’t want to see that guy I can make him leave,” Matthew said. He sounded as if he believed he could. I knew he couldn’t. Didn’t matter. I wanted to see Nate. Hear his voice. Know that he was okay. Even if wine and a lot of calories followed.

“I need to see him. I won’t be going to Live Bay tonight.” There I had said words. They came out.

Matthew paused then replied. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you Monday.”

Again, I just nodded.

Taking the first step in Nate’s direction my heart squeezed and fluttered. Knowing this wasn’t going to be easy I still wanted to be near him. He looked thinner. There were dark circles under his eyes. But he was still beautiful. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I was positive he always would be.

“I should have called first,” he said when I was close enough to him.

“It’s okay. It’s . . . good to see you.”

His eyes shifted to Matthew who was taking his time leaving. “Is he, are y’all dating?”

The pain in his eyes as he asked that told me he didn’t want me to be. That felt good. Knowing he wanted me still. That even after all the bad he still cared. I wasn’t a terrible mistake. I didn’t want to be.

“No. He’s a friend. A coworker.”

Nate’s gaze was back on me. He let out what could only be described as a sigh of relief. “How long have you been at this job? It fits you better than Live Bay did.”

“A few weeks. Maybe a month,” I wasn’t sure. My head was swimming with questions.

“Can we go somewhere? Talk? Or do you have plans?”

Didn’t he realize I’d drop any plans for him? Had I not made myself clear two months ago when we had slept together. I didn’t do that lightly.

“Yes.”

He nodded to his truck. “I’ll drive. Come with me.”

I walked beside him and he opened the passenger door. He was standing so close I could smell his cologne as I walked past him to climb inside. Even after all the pain all I could think about in that moment was burying my head in his neck and inhaling. Feeling his warm body against mine. If just for a moment. I wanted that before he left again.

The door closed once I was inside. He walked around the front of the truck with the same easy cool swagger he always had. Little things like that I had missed. He was here now. I had to soak it all in. His voice, his smell, the way he walked. All of it. Things I hadn’t realized would be gone so soon before.



Nate Finlay

“WHEN YOU MEET a girl that you still love once she’s a woman then you don’t give that up. .” Grandpop’s words replayed over and over in my ears. He was right. I’d fallen in love with the girl and the woman she had become owned me. My happiness was with her. Life without her wasn’t something I ever had to face again. Fuck easy. Life wasn’t easy. Love wasn’t easy. Not the real thing anyway. The real thing hurt like hell and gave you the best moments of your life.