Like Gravity(34)

Our discussion of relationships had me thinking about sex as I drove home from my appointment. It had been months since my last random hookup, far longer than I typically lasted between boy-binges. Sex was the ultimate mind-numbing escape, reserved for situations where tequila alone couldn't block out my emotions.

I couldn't help but wonder if my sudden prudish tendencies had something to do with a certain new male friend, who sang like an angel and told jokes any five year old could top. I dismissed that unwelcome thought, pulled into a nearby liquor store parking lot, and began making plans for a much-needed Friday night out with Lexi.

***

“Lex?” I called, walking into our apartment and dumping two grocery bags full of ingredients onto the kitchen island. I could hear music thumping from her speakers, an auto-tuned pop track I’d never heard before. Lexi and I didn’t exactly share the same taste in artists.

She emerged from her room, hips gyrating in time to the beat as she crooned the lyrics into a hairbrush.

“Could you be any more cliché?” I asked, giggling at her as I removed several bottles of tequila, margarita mix, and two fresh limes from the grocery bags.

“Margarita night?” Lexi squealed, dropping her pseudo-microphone and pulling the blender down from a cabinet.

“Yeah, I was thinking we could head over to The Blue Note in a little bit.”

“The karaoke bar?” Lexi asked, her nose wrinkling in confusion. “But you don’t ever want to go there.”

“I thought we could change it up tonight, try somewhere new.”

“Works for me,” Lexi said, always agreeable to a night of debauchery. She was firing up the blender with our first round of margaritas in two minutes flat.

After a brief cheers, I left the kitchen and headed into my room to prepare for the night. Picking an outfit was the least of my worries; I somehow had to convince myself that singing onstage in front of a crowd of random strangers wasn’t going to be a total train wreck. Sipping my margarita, I hoped a bit of liquid courage would keep me from backing out at the last minute.

Finn’s jacket still hung on the hook by my closet – he must’ve left it here after the night of the flower delivery. Before I could talk myself out of it, I crossed the room, grasped the supple leather in my hands, and held it up against my face. Inhaling, I could detect the faintest aroma of falling leaves and crisp apples – that uniquely autumnal, masculine scent Finn seemed to carry everywhere he went. Ignoring the pang in my chest, I dropped the jacket onto my bedspread and scolded myself for acting like such a girl.

The truth was, I missed him. I’d gotten used to him being around, and not seeing him for over a week was a slow form of torture. I wouldn’t seek him out, though. It wasn’t in my nature to chase after anyone’s affection.

After changing into a sparkly fitted grey blouse, dark skinny jeans, and a pair of black high-heeled leather boots, I pulled my guitar from a long-neglected back corner of my closet. It was out of tune; it had been months since I’d last played.

After making some adjustments, I strummed a few chords experimentally. For an old guitar, it had a nice sound. I smiled as I began to play the opening melody of one of my favorite songs, singing under my breath as I reached the chorus. Enthusiastic applause greeted me as soon as I trailed off; Lexi was standing in my doorway, watching with rapt attention.

“Does this mean you’re going to play tonight?” She squealed, clearly excited by the prospect.

“I was thinking about it.” I didn’t mention Dr. Angelini’s assignment, as that would’ve required me to tell Lexi that I was seeing a psychiatrist.

“Ohmigod! Brooklyn, I don’t know what inspired this but I’m so happy you’re going to play! I’ve been telling you for years, you could be a professional with pipes like yours.”

“I don’t know about that,” I said, strumming softly. “My mom was a singer, you know.”

“No, I didn’t know,” Lexi sighed. “But that’s because you never talk about her. I wish you would.”

That had my attention. “You do?” I asked, surprised.

“Of course I do, Brooklyn. You’re my best friend.” She walked over to sit beside me on the bed. “I know I can be selfish, believe me. But I also know that my self-absorption is the only reason you’ve let me stick around this long. I figured out a long time ago that if I pushed you, I’d lose you.” Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at me. “And I can’t lose you, Brookie. But sometimes I wish you’d let me – or anyone – in, because you can’t keep it all locked up inside forever. Nobody’s that strong.”

I was shocked speechless. I wanted to shake myself for being so blind. Lexi wasn’t ignorant, self-obsessed, or totally uninterested in me. In fact, she’d figured me out long ago, understood how I functioned, and decided to stick around anyway. For the first time in years, I felt the telltale signs of tears prickling at my eyes. Placing my guitar next to me on the bed, I reached over and pulled Lexi into a hug.

“I’m kind of an idiot, huh?” I asked her after a few minutes.

“It’s okay. I’m kind of a vapid narcissist. So it all evens out in the end,” she giggled through her tears. “Great, now I’m going to have to completely redo my makeup! If you have any more sentimental bullshit to unload, now is the time. I refuse to redo it again after this.” Lexi winked at me as she hurried out of my room, no doubt headed for the numerous beauty products littering her vanity.