Like Gravity(103)

I watched him graduate, grinning proudly and cheering until my throat was raw, as he crossed the stage and received his diploma.

I threw my arms around him and screamed YES! when he got down on one knee in a puddle, pulling out a ring on a rainy street corner one drizzly afternoon.

I floated down the aisle, dressed in a cliché white gown and clutching my bouquet like a lifeline, as I walked, smilingly, into my future.

I grinned tiredly in the delivery room, watching as Finn held his baby son in his arms for the first time.

Image by image, I lived out our life, even as I felt my own slipping away. I couldn’t feel Skinner’s hands on my throat anymore; I couldn’t feel much of anything anymore.

I’d gone numb.

Somewhere deep down, it registered that someone was shaking me, saying things to me, but I was too far-gone to feel and long past hearing.

My eyes slivered open and the last thing they saw was Finn’s face, his expression frantic as his lips mouthed my name over and over.

I tried to smile at him, to let him know that it was okay, because he’d lived – he’d have a future, even if I weren’t around to share it.

I tried to put the I love you into my eyes, before the dark embraced me.

He clutched me to his chest, his tears falling like rain onto my face.

And I died.





Epilogue


After



Life doesn’t always turn out the way we think it will.

It isn’t a fairytale, and there isn’t always a happy ending. Sometimes, there isn’t a happy beginning or middle, either.

But here’s the thing: it doesn’t matter.

Because when you’re lying there, asphyxiated and lifeless, your life doesn’t flash before your eyes like a running movie reel of regrets. It’s not the big picture you see – all the things that went wrong, all the mistakes you made, all the experiences you missed out on.

What you see are moments.

Flashes of time, no matter how fleeting, when you were happy.

What you see are faces.

Glimpses of the people who gave a shit, who loved you in spite of all your crap.

What you see is yourself.

The things you did right. The times you were proud meet your own eyes in the mirror. The moments you knew exactly who you were, and where you belonged.

So, I guess when it came down to it, my story was really a love story. Not the one you’d expect – not the one about Finn and me.

It was a story about a girl falling in love with herself. It was about me learning to accept the woman I’d become, flaws and all. Because everybody’s a little bit f*cked up – that’s life. And maybe there aren’t any happily ever afters, or white knights who ride in on valiant steeds to save the day. Maybe, in real life, Prince Charming isn’t always perfect –he’s just as flawed as everyone else in the tale.

And that princess, alone in her tower? She’s not perfect either. Birds don’t braid her hair every morning, she can’t serenade wild forest creatures into servitude, and she doesn’t even own a ball gown. But she’s also smart enough to know not to accept poisoned apples from strangers, or prick her finger on deadly spindles.

She doesn’t wait around for a prince to charge in and slay the dragon. Maybe she saves herself and in the end, rides off into her own goddamned sunset.

I don’t know, it’s just a theory.

And thankfully, I don’t have to have it all figured out yet; I’ve got my whole life ahead of me to do that.

When I woke up in the hospital, Finn was there. I’d been out for almost 24 hours, and for a while they’d thought I might never regain consciousness. Finn had saved my life, doing CPR until the paramedics arrived.

My heart stopped twice that day; I was lucky to be alive.

Ernie Skinner wasn’t so lucky.

The knife wound had sliced deeply, rupturing too many internal organs to fix. He’d nearly bled out by the time the paramedics arrived, and had been pronounced dead at the hospital.

Since I’d woken, I’d had a near-constant parade of visitors, starting with the police. Officers Carlson and O’Callahan took my statement, thanking me on behalf of the Charlottesville PD for my service to the community in removing not only a parole violator, but also a dangerous criminal from the area. On their way out the door, Officer Carlson had wished me a speedy recovery, adding, “Brooklyn, for your sake, I hope this is our last meeting.”

I laughed and waved goodbye, sharing his sentiments completely.

Lexi and Ty had returned early from their ski trip as soon as they’d heard about what happened. Lexi’s face was the first I’d seen when I woke up; I’d find out later that she and Finn had nearly come to blows over who would get the seat closest to my bed – apparently, she’d won. I couldn’t say I was surprised by that, though.

She asked me if I wanted to call my father, and I think she was surprised when I said yes. After bringing me her cellphone, Lexi, Tyler, and Finn moved toward the door. I told them to stay, though, knowing this would be a brief conversation.

His phone rang three times before he picked up.

“This is Daniel Turner,” he said, his stern voice unchanged.

Why can’t he just say ‘hello’ like a normal person?

It had been nearly two years since I’d spoken with my father; I didn’t know where to begin.