Life In Reverse(62)

“Funny. He’s got a shit way of showing it.” Like a knife slashing through my chest, the mere mention of my father rips me open. I march over to the table and drop my stick down. “I’m gonna get some fresh air.”

As I pass Julian, I grip him by the back of the neck and squeeze, wanting to make sure he knows this is not about him. He gives me a small smile in acknowledgement, but his eyes betray his worry for me.

Outside, my feet pound the pavement until my chest burns and I have to pause to try to catch my breath. Sweat rushes down my skin and just like me, tries to find an escape. I break into a run, hoping to exhaust myself. Yet when my legs finally give out, that sense of being trapped is still there. Ember’s face pops into my head. And suddenly, I want to see her. Lay my head on her shoulder. Breathe her in. I want to touch her in all the ways she touches me. And that’s when it hits me.

I’m falling in love with her.

My heart threatens to burst and a laugh tears from my chest. Someone is playing a cruel joke on me, no doubt. But as the clouds open up, rain plummeting from a starless sky, I spread my arms wide to welcome it and for the first time, say—

I’m here life, come and get me.

Maybe I’m crazy, knowing what I do. What my future could possibly hold. But as the cool rain hits my skin, like little pinpricks tapping me and telling me to wake the f*ck up, I give in and finally say yes to life. And whatever it has in store for me.





CLOTHES ARE BEING ripped from hangers at an unprecedented speed. Not only am I questioning what to wear, now I’m questioning my own sanity. I’ve never cared much about trying to impress anyone. But tonight is different.

I catch my reflection in the mirror, staring at the black lace bra and panties from Victoria’s Secret. Avery kindly emphasized you don’t call them underwear. And this is one time I’m thankful for Avery’s shopping prowess. But then I glance over at the massive stack of outfits in the no pile on my mattress. “This is crazy,” I say out loud, flinging my arms up and perching on the edge of the bed.

“What’s crazy?” Avery asks, strutting into the room and taking a seat next to me.

“I can’t find anything to wear tonight.” I hike a thumb over my shoulder. “This is my undesirable pile.”

She lifts a threadbare t-shirt with two fingers and winces like it has a disease. “I can see why.” My eyes narrow on her face. “Kidding. I’m kidding,” she adds, tossing the shirt behind her. “Why don’t you wear what you always do? Vance wants you, not your clothes.”

My hands quiver and I hold them out in front of me. “Look at this, I’m a nervous wreck.”

Avery takes my hand and tilts her head to meet my eyes. “Hey. You’re doing just fine. I’ll help you pick something out, okay?” I nod as she studies my face. “What do you know. You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Okay, then.” She lets my hand fall and stands up, rubbing her palms together. “Let’s find something that’s going to knock his socks off. Or,” she winks, “some other article of clothing.”

For the next half-hour, we dig through every other item of clothing in my closet and still come up short. When we’re done, I fall face down on the bed with a groan and Avery laughs.

“This isn’t funny,” I mumble into my blanket.

“No,” she laughs again, “it’s kind of adorable actually. Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

“Where am I going?” I grumble. “It was so much easier when I didn’t care.” My head sinks further into the mattress as her loud cackle echoes in the hallway.

“Okay, how do you feel about this?” she asks as she strolls back in. “It’s simple, but effective I think.”

“Do I have to move?” I whine. “I’m comfortable.”

She rounds the side of the bed and I drag my head up to stare at a jade green dress displayed on a hanger. “What do you think?”

“It’s short and very low cut.” My eyes drop to my chest then back to her. “I don’t have enough boobs for that dress.”

“Nonsense. This will squish them together and make them look fantastic.” She tugs on my hand to pull me up. “Come on, try it on.”

“Hello? Anyone home?”

My mouth falls open as my eyes widen. “Dad!” I whisper-shout. “What’s he doing here?”

“I don’t know.” Her gaze climbs to the ceiling as if already hatching a plan. “Don’t worry, I’ll get rid of him.”

“Oh my God.” I scramble to the dresser to snatch up a tank top before yanking out a pair of shorts. In record time, I slide them both on, nearly falling over in the process. Avery shoves the dress under a pillow on my chair.

“Avery, Em, you decent?” Dad calls out. “I’m coming up.”

Avery parks herself in the doorway. Meanwhile, I sit in front of the clothes heap with my arms outstretched like they’re actually long enough to conceal my plight.

“Hey, honey.” Dad gives Avery a kiss on the cheek then peers around her body. “Hello there, Em.”

My smile and wave are a little too enthusiastic and he cocks his head the slightest bit. But I notice. “What’s going on? Going somewhere?”