Lick (Stage Dive, #1)(72)

“You kissed her.”

He sighed. “No, she kissed me. Martha and I are finished.”

“I’m guessing she doesn’t know that, since she’s still calling you and all.”

“She’s moved to New York, no longer working for the band. I don’t know what the phone call was about, but I didn’t return it.”

I nodded, only slightly appeased. Our problems weren’t that clear-cut. “Does your heart understand you’re finished with her? I guess I mean your head, don’t I? The heart’s just another muscle, really. Silly to say it decides anything.”

“Martha and I are finished. We have been for a long time. I promise.”

“Even if that’s true, doesn’t that just make me the consolation prize? Your attempt at a normal life?”

“Ev, no. That’s not the way it is.”

“Are you sure about that?” I asked, disbelief thick in my voice. I picked up my beer, gulping down the bitter, dark ale and creamy foam. Something to calm the nerves. “I was getting over you,” I said, my voice a pitiful, small thing. My shoulders were right back where they belonged, way down. “A month. I didn’t really give up on you until day seven, though. Then I knew you weren’t coming. I knew it was over then. Because if I’d been so important to you, you’d have said something by then, right? I mean, you knew I was in love with you. So you’d have put me out of my misery by then, wouldn’t you?”

He said nothing.

“You’re all secrets and lies, David. I asked you about the earring, remember?”

He nodded.

“You lied.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Did you do that before or after our honesty rule? I can’t remember. It was definitely after the cheating rule though, right?” Talking was a mistake. All of the jagged thoughts and emotions he inspired caught up with me too fast.

He didn’t deign to reply.

“What’s the story behind the earrings, anyway?”

“I brought them with my first pay check after the record company signed us.”

“Wow. And you both wore them all this time. Even after she cheated on you and everything.”

“It was Jimmy,” he said. “She cheated on me with Jimmy.”

Holy shit, his own brother. So many things fell into place with that piece of information. “That’s why you got so upset about finding him and that groupie together. And when you saw Jimmy talking to me at that party.”

“Yeah. It was all a long time ago, but … Jimmy flew back for an appearance on a TV show. We were in the middle of a big tour, playing Spain at the time. The second album had just hit the top ten. We were finally really pulling in the crowds.”

“So you forgave them to keep the band together?”

“No. Not exactly. I just got on with things. Even back then Jimmy was drinking too much. He’d changed.” He licked his lips, studied the table. “I’m sorry about that night. More f*cking sorry than I can say. What you walked in on … I know how it must have looked. And I hated myself for lying to you about the earring, for still wearing it in Monterey.”

He flicked at his ear in annoyance. There was still a visible wound there with shiny, pink, nearly healed skin around it. It didn’t look like a fading earring hole at all.

“What did you do there?” I asked.

“Cut across it with a knife.” He shrugged. “An earring hole takes years to grow over. Made a new cut when you left so it could heal properly.”

“Oh.”

I waited to come talk to you because I needed some time. You walking out on me after you’d promised you wouldn’t … that was hard to take.”

“I didn’t have any choice.”

He leaned toward me, his eyes hard. “You had a choice.”

“I’d just seen my husband kissing another woman. And then you refused to even discuss it with me. You just started yelling at me about leaving. Again.” My hands gripped the edge of the table so tight I could feel my fingernails pressing into the wood. “What the f*ck should I have done, David? Tell me. Because I’ve played that scene over in my head so many times and it always works out the same way, with you slamming the door shut behind me.”

“Shit.” He slumped back in his seat. “You knew you leaving was a problem for me. You should have stuck with me, given me a chance to calm down. We worked it out in Monterey after that bar fight. We could have done it again.”

“Rough sex doesn’t fix everything. Sometimes you actually have to talk.”

“I tried to talk to you the other night at that club. Wasn’t what was on your mind.”

I could feel my face heat up. It just pissed me off even more.

“Fuck. Look,” he said, rubbing at the back of his neck. “The thing is, I needed to get us straight in my head, okay? I needed to figure out if us being together was the right thing. Honestly, Ev, I didn’t want to hurt you again.”

A month he’d left me to stew in my misery. It was on the tip of my tongue to give him a flippant thank-you. Or even to flip him off. But this was too serious.

“You got us straight in your head? That’s great. I wish I could get us straight in my head.” I stopped babbling long enough to drink more beer. My throat was giving sandpaper serious competition.