Liars and Losers Like Us(55)

“Yeah, you should.” I hand him the bottle. “I’m really sorry about your dad. You really could’ve called me. That sucks.”

“Oh well. Like my dad used to say, life sucks and then you die.”

Maisey’s face flashes into my head. I blink a few times until she disappears, then say, “Or life sucks, so you die. Like Maisey Morgan.”

“Geez Breeze, way to make a depressing conversation even more depressing. Let’s both take a drink for Maisey. I’d pour a little onto the carpet but Kallie’s mom would shit, right?”

“She really would,” I say, muffling the laugh trying to escape my mouth. Lifting the bottle to my lips, I swallow the laugh and take another sip of wine. I snort and alcohol burns my nostrils. Once the laugh escapes, I can’t stop. I wipe my mouth on a cushy down coat then bury my face in Sean’s shirt. He’s laughing too.

“Mmmm. You smell so good.” Our laughter fades and I raise my chin until Sean’s nose brushes the side of my cheek. “I can’t get that stuff out of my head, you know.”

“What stuff? My smell?”

“No, the Maisey stuff.”

“Why? That’s creepy, the ghost of Maisey Morgan.” He exhales a soft, but drawn-out sigh. “Suicide is such a …”

“Cop out, a sin, a loser move?” I ask.

“No,” Sean answers. “I was going to say something like an enigma. I don’t get it, I guess. It’s hard to understand. When it gets that bad, so bad you want to die, that’s your crunch time, that’s when you’re supposed to look that shit in the eye, and just take it. You wait it out or run. You wait because it’ll get better at some point, it always does. Or, you can run ahead and find ways to make it not so bad. But you don’t bail. Suicide’s not supposed to be an option.”

“Yeah but listen, when shit gets bad, it’s probably easier to handle if you’re the hottest quarterback in Belmont. What happens when you’re Maisey Morgan and shit is bad? What if things at home are bad and then you go to school and it’s just as bad.”

“I guess it’d be worse. A lot worse. I feel like an * about how bad we treated her. I know what you’re saying, Breeze.” He grabs my hand. “But hey, try not to let that stuff get you down. It’s not your fault. You barely knew her.”

I take a deep breath and tell him I did kind of know her. And how she felt like she knew me. Like, enough to write me a letter. I tell him about elementary school, the bathroom, going to her house, meeting her parents and seeing her pictures and the urn. I don’t tell him everything the letter says, and I don’t tell him about Jane at the wake.

“Now that’s heavy, I can’t believe you’ve been dealing with this.” Sean pulls me into a hug, his arms wrapping me tight. His words are muffled against my shoulder. “What are you going to do?”

Sighing, I pull away. “I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. I just need to, I don’t know, get over it, I guess.” I shrug and let another sip of wine warm my throat.

“Or figure out a way to make sense of it and learn from it.”

I giggle again. “Thanks, Mom. How did this game get so f*cking depressing? We’re so lame.”

“Speak for yourself,” Sean laughs. “I’ve just been proclaimed the hottest quarterback in Belmont.”

“I wouldn’t let the title go to your head. There are only two quarterbacks to choose from.”

“Still. I’ll drink to that.” He pulls the bottle from my hand.

I reach for him, feeling my way to the waistband of his jeans. I hook my finger into one of his belt loops, then run my other hand to the back of his neck, pulling him in. I press my lips to his ear.

Suddenly, the sound of the guest room door swinging open is followed by a slam that rattles the closet door. Sean and I squeeze tight into the corner, while I perform a silent rearrange of the coats. Sean grasps and squeezes my hand.

“WHAT THE HELL’S GOIN’ ON IN HERE?” A loud male voice bellows as the closet door swings open.

“Olly Olly oxen freeeeeee!” Kallie yells from outside the room. Todd laughs. From the closet doorway.

Sean jumps up and runs out of the closet, tackling Todd onto the bed.

“You bastard. Dude, you scared the shit out of us!”

“Omigod you guys are crazy.” I run my hand over my hair as I make my way out of the closet.

“I am so sorry, you guys. I can’t believe my brother. What an ass. Everyone’s gone now except us, Molly, and Justin. They hid in the woods. And get this. In their underwear. They were swimming when my brother got here and I’m pretty sure they hooked up.”

“Which is total bullshit if it’s true,” says Todd. “I went out with her for a year and didn’t get past second, so—”

“Um, really?” Kallie slaps Todd on the side of the head. “I think you’re all set now.”

“Yes, babes, I am. I was just sayin’.”

“Know what I’m just sayin’? I’m jus’ sayin’ that I gotta pee so bad.” I run into the bathroom.

“Is she drunk?” Kallie asks.

“We just had a little wine. Doubt it.”

“I can hear you, ya know,” I shout through the closed door. I did feel a little light when I got out of the closet but now I feel fine. Quite fine. I pee for like three minutes. I check the mirror and my cheeks are flushed and hair is a little messy. Sexy messy. Tonight just might be the night.