Let Me (O'Brien Family, #2)(73)
He ignores my slacking jaw, smiling politely before walking into the building and closing the door behind him.
CHAPTER 28
Finn
Diego “The Python” Lopez. Like me he’s 12 and 2. And like me, he’s been gunning for the belt for the last eighteen months. We’re so evenly matched in height and weight, the odds are almost evenly split. He’s a brown belt in Brazilian Jujitsu, an old school wrestler, and a brawler on his feet exactly like me.
The difference is, he’s still that laid back kid he always has been. Me . . . I don’t know what the f*ck I am anymore.
Bam, bam, bam. I throw punches, dipping my head so my spinning back kick catches Angus’s gloved hand as he lurches away.
“Finn, enough,” Killian yells, over Angus’s swears.
I back off, not because I’m done warming up, but because I catch the fear in Sofia’s eyes, again. Hell, everyone here is looking at me like I’ve lost what’s left of my sanity.
Maybe because I have. I shake it off, reasoning this rage is exactly what will get the job done tonight.
“He’s not ready,” Curran mumbles to Killian. They’re standing beside each other, both with their arms crossed. “Is it too late to call it off?” he asks.
I point to Killian. “You’re not calling shit off.” He stiffens, realizing I’m seconds from losing it. “What?” I ask. “I’m standing right here. It’s not like I can’t f*cking hear you.”
“Finn, please,” Sofia says, stepping toward me.
She wraps her arms around mine, and leads me away. Unlike the other changing areas we’re usually assigned to, those that are smaller and limited in space, tonight we’re in one of the newly constructed locker rooms. An hour ago it was packed with fighters warming up. Most are new, trying to make a name for themselves and dreaming of that main card lineup I’m a part of.
They’re gone now, either hanging in the lounge watching the remaining fights, or getting stitched up as a result of all the hits they took.
Sofia squeezes my arm. “Finn, I don’t want to tell you that you shouldn’t fight tonight.”
“Then don’t,” I answer. “Sofe, you’re seriously the only one I can still talk to. Don’t let me down by making me think I can’t.”
“I’m always here for you, Finn, and I’ll always listen. ”She lowers her hands, tilting her head to the side. “That doesn’t mean I’ll stay silent when I think you’re making a mistake. Right now, you’re not focused. I’m worried you’re going to get hurt.”
“Or hurt the other guy so bad he won’t get back up?” I question. Yeah. I’ve thought about that, too.
It’s what Killian did to his opponent following his breakup with Sofia all those years ago. He was so angry and lost without her, he made hamburger out of the champ’s face, earning him the win twenty-eight seconds into the first round.
I want to say that Sol―with all this anger she unleashed when she dumped me―maybe did me a favor and gave me the advantage I need. I want to say that thanks to her, I possess the power and wrath to wipe the mat with Lopez and earn my title match. Except if I do, I’d be lying to myself even more than I have been.
I’m just as lost, just as angry, and just as vicious as Killian was. I didn’t understand what he was going through when it happened―couldn’t grasp how one woman could wreck him so bad and inflict so much pain. But now, I’m living and breathing that shit.
Ire is what I feel. But it’s not enough to win a match. It makes you sloppy, makes you take risks, so impatient you screw up. Can it make your swings harder? Yeah. If they connect. Yet as much as I know this, and that I need to get past it, I’m so far deep into that rage, there’s no coming back. Not anymore. So I take a breath and say a silent prayer that when I do unleash tonight, the ref will be smart and quick enough to save Lopez in time.
“Finn . . .” she says, shaking her head like she wishes she could somehow ease all the agony slapping me around.
Yet she can’t, and because I’m not feeling shitty enough, I ask something I shouldn’t. “How is she?” I huff when she just looks at me. “Just tell me.”
I expect her to lie, or at least water down the truth. But she doesn’t, laying it all out there. “She’s not well because she’s not with you.”
Killian and Curran march forward as I square my shoulders. Even though I’m the one who asked, I’m shocked by Sofia’s brutal honesty. But if she’s telling me this, it’s because she’s worried about Sol and probably scared for her, too.
Sofia knows my brothers are behind her, but continues, speaking quietly like she’s already regretting what she has to say. “She needs you, Finn. And I think you need her, too.”
“Finn, time to go,” Killian says, trying to talk over her.
Sofia speaks fast, albeit in that gentle way of hers. “But she needs you to be healthy, and that’s something you’re not right now.”
Killian places his hands on Sofia’s shoulders, trying to silence her, but she continues, rushing to finish. “Finn, you have to keep it together out there―”
I stomp past her. “Tell her I love her.”
“What?” she calls, hurrying behind me.