Leo(A Sign of Love Novel)(61)

P.S. I put my address and phone number at the bottom of this letter. Write to me as soon as you get this!

Tuesday:

E - It's so weird to call someone else mom and dad, but that's what Lauren and Phil have asked me to call them - Phil seemed more enthusiastic about it and Lauren looked kind of mad but I think it might just be because she thinks she looks too young to have a teenage son. She's pretty for a mom, but no one is as pretty as you. When you look at me with your big, brown eyes and you smile that smile reserved just for me, I think my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. I am picturing your perfect lips right now and I want to kiss you again so much it hurts. I keep reliving our kiss and thinking about how it was the best moment of my whole life.

My mom (Lauren) asked me today if I might want to start going by Jacob, or Jake as sort of a fresh start here. I thought about it and I thought about how it might be nice to leave the person that I was in the past, to leave my life there behind. But then I realized that that would include you and so I said no. Yours, - L

Wednesday:

Hi, Evie,

We went to a restaurant last night where the ocean waves come right up on the glass windows! It was wild, but beautiful. I didn't want to tell my mom and dad that it was the first "real" restaurant I had ever been in because whenever I say stuff like that, they get these sad looks on their faces and it makes me feel small. I know you know exactly what I'm talking about. You always do. That's the thing I miss the most about being with you.

I felt sad in the pit of my stomach when I thought about that last night and so instead I thought about how this was the place I was going to take you when I propose to you. I guess it won't be a real surprise if I tell you now, but you already know I'm going to marry you someday and so it's okay if you know the place I want to ask you. I'll try to keep the ring and the words I plan to say to you under wraps. haha.

I love you, Evie. I'll love you forever.

Your Leo



I sob, hot tears of sorrow coursing down my cheeks as I picture myself waiting for that letter and I picture Leo writing it, still hopeful, still my beautiful boy, up until that very next day.

I want to punch something, to throw something and hear it shatter, to make the sound that should accompany the feeling in my chest.

When I calm down, I sit staring at the wall for several minutes, gathering myself before I pull out the second letter, obviously written recently, in his adult hand.



To my Evie, the one who knew how to love me before I knew how to love myself,

I already told you about how I laid in that hospital bed for six months, reflecting on my life, reflecting on all the reasons that I couldn't stand to be alone with myself long enough to really think about who I was or what I was feeling.

What I didn't tell you was what a central role you played in helping me move towards a place of healing. My Evie, the strongest, purest person I've ever known. A person who was placed in the worst of circumstances in this life and yet selflessly loved and cared for those around her. How was it that someone so full of goodness and light ever even noticed a person like me? How did you see in me - what I was struggling so hard to see in myself?

I kept wondering why, all those years, when you looked straight into my eyes, unflinching, seeing the real me, what made you linger and come back? What made you love me despite who I believed myself to be? I thought about that hour after hour and the only conclusion I could come to was that maybe, just maybe, there was something decent in me, maybe something that was close to good. It was the first time I had ever had that thought and it stunned me just to ponder the possibility.

All those months, staring at the ceiling and staring into my own soul, you, Evie, you were the miracle that I kept coming back to again and again - that all those years ago, you chose me.

Please, please, choose me again.

I will spend my life trying to make myself a person who is worthy of you. I will work until my dying day to give you the beautiful life a beautiful person like you deserves. I will prove to you that forever is not just a word, not just a measurement of unending time, but that forever is a place where I will treasure your heart.

Yours always, Leo



Tears streak down my cheeks as I clutch the two letters to my chest. I sit like that for long minutes, making a decision.

I take a quick shower and pull on jeans and a turquoise peasant top and my brown boots.

I decide to call a cab. I finish putting on some makeup, partially dry my hair and smooth it back into a low ponytail.

When the cab rings my cell phone, I run out and jump in quickly.

I look up the address of Leo's company and give that to the driver. I lean back as the city goes by, my heart beating peacefully in my chest. I feel sure and calm. I feel like all the pieces have fallen into place. I feel like this was always my path, and now I'm finally back on it.

I walk into the huge lobby of the mostly glass building. As I'm walking towards the deskman, I spot an all glass elevator starting its ascent. I see an unmistakable pair of broad shoulders among the group riding the elevator but his back is to me. I rush towards it, looking up at it and catch the eye of a tall, dark haired man who smiles at me. I start waving my hands and pointing at Leo and the man finally understands, tapping him on the shoulder and gesturing out to me. He turns around as if in slow motion and I will never, ever forget his expression, not until my dying day. He is confused at first but as he sees me smiling up at him, I mouth, "I choose you," and understanding dawns and a look of raw emotion like I've never seen fills his beautiful face.