Left Drowning(8)

I step forward into the cool water, and the soles of my feet sink into the grainy sand. It’s a striking feeling, one I’ve stayed away from on purpose for the past four years. Without really thinking, I place my hand into his. My eyes close, and I feel him tighten his fingers around mine. The dark world in my head begins to break into pieces, and flashes of old, forgotten memories break through. I find that I am taking quick, shallow breaths. Stop it. Stop it! I instruct myself. I focus on my hand in his, feeling his steady and solid grip. The flashes burst apart as I open my eyes and speak too quickly, hoping to recover from the moment, hoping to cover up my lapse. “You’re right. The water isn’t so bad.”

Chris cocks his head to the side. “You okay?” He squeezes my hand.

I nod. “Yes. I am now.”

He studies me, more serious now. “Do we know… .” He can’t seem to finish his question.

“What?”

He shakes his head. “No, we haven’t met before. It’s just… . Nothing.” He slips a smooth stone onto my palm and closes my fingers around it for me. “Show me.” Chris steps back.

The water splashes gently around my ankles as I position my body perpendicular to the line of the water. “Now don’t laugh at me. It’s been a while since I’ve even attempted this.”

“There is no laughing in stone skipping,” he says, clearly dramatizing his voice for effect. “This is a very, very somber activity. You may now proceed with your first attempt.”

I try not to smile at his mock formality, as I keep my arm level and fling the stone over the water. It veers off fifteen feet to the right and then shoots through the surface of the water like a bullet.

“Well,” Chris says, “what you lack in skill, you make up for with sheer force.”

I laugh. “That did not go as I might have hoped, but I appreciate your tact.”

“Do a few more. I’ll back up in case things go really awry.”

“Ha-ha. Very funny. Although that’s not a bad idea… .” I can feel him watching me as I try three more times, managing to get only one stone to produce a sloppy skip. “I’m hopeless, I think.”

“No, you’re not. Why do you throw like you’re a little kid tossing a Frisbee?”

I can’t help but laugh. “Is that what I look like?”

“Well you sort of throw your arm across your body like this.” He smiles and flings his arm out wildly. “See? That’s no good.”

“Aha. I didn’t realize.” I think for a second. He is right. As intently as I was watching him before, I hadn’t noticed that he doesn’t do this.

“Here, try it a different way.” Chris moves in and stands behind me. “You’re right-handed, so you’ll want to turn the other way so that your throwing hand is away from the water.” His hands touch the top of my arms as he slowly pivots me around, coming to stand so close to me that our shadows become one. As he steps away, his shadow emerges from mine and becomes distinct on the sandy ground. I turn to focus and throw my smooth stone.

“It feels awkward,” I confess.

“Sure, at first. We’re breaking a bad habit. Try again. Let’s wade in a bit more. It sounds corny, but you have to sort of unite with the water.”

I sigh, doubtful I can do this, yet I sidestep a few feet until I feel the water hit the rim of my jeans. I give another attempt.

“Better!” Chris says. “You got two skips. Do another.”

I pull a stone from my pocket and aim. This time the stone soars off to the left and does not skip at all. “Ugh. I give up.”

“No you don’t.” He is behind me again, and I can feel his chest just brush my back. He rests his hands on my shoulders as if to ground me, and I shiver. Not from cold and not exactly from lust. At least, that’s not the only thing making me tremble. “Look out over the water. Zero in on the skyline. Don’t think about where you want to hit the water.”

I feel him run his hand down my arm until he reaches my wrist, then he lifts up my arm for me. I inhale and exhale slowly.

“Then,” he continues, “make the stone hit where the water meets the sky.” He pulls my hand in closer to my body until my arm is crossed in front of me, a slow-motion rehearsal for how I will throw. “Be firm and confident. Remember that you’re not the boss of this. You and this stone are partners.”

“We’re partners. Okay.”

Chris stays where he is, inches behind me, as I follow his advice.

Three skips.

“Beautiful,” he whispers. “Do it again. Listen to your partner.”

Four skips.

He lifts my hand an inch higher and puts his mouth by my ear. “Breathe into it.”

Seven skips.

Holy shit.

“Did you see that?” I can hardly speak. It is just skipping stones; there is no reason to be so awestruck by what I’ve done, but I am.

“That was awesome! Really awesome!” Chris squeezes my shoulders. “Just gorgeous. Hey, I bet if you keep at it, you’ll be skipping across the entire lake in no time. It’s really cool when you skip so far that you lose count. The way the rings move farther and farther

out… .”

Chris continues to talk, but I can barely hear him. I am just staring at the spot where the stone finally broke the surface for the last time, dropping to the bottom of the lake.